Jul 6 2009Sarah Palin quit her job
In an awkward and rushed press conference, Sarah Palin resigned her position as governor of Alaska on Friday which left many people, including those in her own party, scratching their hands. Was there a corruption scandal about to break? An affair? Or was she just positioning herself to run for president in 2012? All solid theories, but allow me to float one out there that might make sense of all this: She's a fucking idiot.
To further prove my point, kudos to the governor for threatening to sue the press on the Fourth of July. Apparently there wasn't an American flag handy to shit on, so why not go with the next best thing?
Scope Out "Sarah Palin's" NSFW Hustler Promo Shots
Jun 16 2009David Letterman apologizes to Sarah Palin
Amidst a media shitstorm, David Letterman officially apologized/caved to Sarah Palin last night for a joke he made about Bristol that was misinterpreted to be about the governor's 14-year-old daughter Willow. The AP reports:
On his CBS' "Late Show" on Monday night, Letterman said his joke about one of Palin's daughters being "knocked up" by Alex Rodriguez can't be defended.
He said the joke referred to 18-year-old Bristol Palin, not her 14-year-old sister Willow. But Letterman said it's his responsibility that people believed that he intended to target Willow, who had attended a New York Yankees game with her mother.
"I'm sorry about it, and I'll try to do better in the future," he said.
The Alaska governor, in a statement issued Tuesday, said the apology was accepted "on behalf of all young women, like my daughters, who hope men who `joke' about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve."
Also, because Sarah Palin loves protecting women so much, she'll continue to fight for them to pay for rape kits in Alaska and then be forced to carry their perpetrator's baby to term. I would've just passed mandatory sandwich making legislation, but clearly, I'm not a modern-day Susan B. Anthony like the governor here. Well done.
Jun 12 2009Carrie Prejean gets pissy on Today
- Carrie Prejean's leaked e-mails between Miss California director Keith Lewis prove she was a massive pain in the ass - with fake breasts, so let's forgive her! Sorry, reflex action. [The Blemish]
- Rihanna and Chris Brown coincidentally attended the Lakers game last night but sat separately. Which means they're fucking! Get Anderson Cooper! [PopSugar]
- Nicole Richie has somehow gone legitimate. I wonder what was dragging her down before. Hmm... [Lainey Gossip]
- Sarah Palin and David Letterman are having some sort of tiff which only further proves Republicans have no sense of humor. (Ironically, not counting John McCain choosing Sarah for his running mate. Hilarious!) [Just Jared]
- Fergie should consider wearing a mask. Nothing fancy. Just one that doesn't make me wonder what she called herself when she had a penis. -- It was Chuck, wasn't it? She looks like a Chuck. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Kelly Clarkson is a whole lot of woman. Three of them, by my estimate. [Celebslam]
May 31 2009Levi Johnston poses shirtless for GQ
Here's Levi Johnston, the kid who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol just in time for her vice-presidential nomination, posing shirtless for GQ with baby Tripp. While the article was an interesting read, I don't know what to make of these photos except I'm pretty sure allowing your infant son to appear naked in a widely-circulated men's magazine probably won't ease the Palin's visitation restrictions. Then again, he did pose with a gun, so we'll call this one a wash.
Apr 30 2009Jennifer Aniston still hates children
- Jennifer Aniston is NOT adopting a baby. No, Angelina would be expecting that. But a dolphin.... [PopSugar]
- Hugh Jackman bought breakfast for 800 Wolverine fans waiting in line in Arizona. See, kids, never having sex does pay off. Free bagels?! That's way better than a vagina! Awww yeah! [ICYDK]
- Paul Abdul apparently still doesn't realized she was duped by Sacha Baron Cohen for his upcoming movie Bruno. She does, however, know that gin is delicious. Yum yum. [Videogum]
- Daniel Craig wearing sweatpants. Hey, sometimes even James Bond feels like a fatty and doesn't want to leave the house. Fortunately, escort services deliver. God save the Queen! [Best Week Ever]
- Madonna gives Guy Ritchie the kids for the entire summer. Then again, that's when she slumbers 10,000 feet below the Earth's crust, and a Wii will only entertain them for so long. [Allie is Wired]
- Sarah Palin vs. Ann Coulter: It's like someone figured out what I think about when I masturbate. Then substituted Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter. [Jezebel]
Apr 8 2009Hugh Jackman thinks he's so tough...
- Hugh Jackman arrives at the Sydney premiere of Wolverine by jumping out of a helicopter. Somebody should put this guy in one of those superhero movies. [Vulture]
- Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are finally divorcing. He wants to date other women while she just wants to realize her dream of competing in the Kentucky Derby. Don't stop believing! [Allie is Wired]
- Levi Johnston continues to battle Sarah Palin in the press. Wants people to know he's not white trash, he just likes huntin', fishin' and knockin' bitches up. That's all. [Jezebel]
- Hugh Laurie is not a fan of pranks on the set of House. Then again his mother was killed by a marching band hiding inside an elevator, so I can see how this might offend him. [Videogum]
- Keith Urban scores a threesome with his wife Nicole Kidman and Taylor Swift. He was just about to quit country music altogether, but it turns out it can get you laid - and this time not with a relative. [Best Week Ever]
Apr 7 2009Eminem still alive, releases video
Eminem released his latest video "We Made You" today which includes him making fun of various celebs from Kim Kardashian to Jessica Simpson and offering to bang Sarah Palin. That said, I'd probably enjoy this more if I were an ironically racist drop-out working at Wal-Mart in Alabama. Ha ha, just kidding. It could be any Wal-Mart.
EDIT: Posted new video. Should do the trick.
Apr 3 2009Levi Johnston: 'Sarah Palin knew Bristol and I were having sex'
- Levi Johnston tells Tyra Banks Sarah Palin "probably knew" he was having sex with Bristol because they shared a room. Wow. Have you actually spent time with this woman? Because you'd know she thought you were just praying. Or loading an assault rifle. Either one. [Just Jared]
- Britney Spears' stop at a Dallas nightclub ends with employees being threatened if they talk to the press. Great, now we'll never know how many people her vagina killed. But I'm guessing eight. [Radar Online]
- Zach Braff and Dax Shepard are now virtually interchangeable. Who didn't see that coming? Including the blind. [Best Week Ever]
- Ben Affleck taught his daughter Violet how to swear in German. Yeah, well, Britney Spears lets her kids use the car to pick up smokes. Try again, Daredevil. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Hugh Jackman's quasi-visible ass in Wolverine. Now I'm really excited to see this movie! I mean, a guy I know is. The, uh, Writerficial Super. Yeah, him. [Pink is the New Blog]
