Nov 6 2009Kevin Federline's sperm has struck again
Here's a surprise twist, guess who turned out to be the pregnant one in Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince's relationship. (Hint: Don't go by stomachs.) Via Celebuzz:
Prince has been accompanying Kevin as he follows ex-wife Britney Spears all over the globe on her recent tour. Apparently, the couple had a pregnancy false alarm earlier this year, but this time things are serious!
A source says, "The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn't seem happy to hear the news."
Wasn't happy about the news? Jesus. He know he's Kevin Federline, right? By now he should realize any relationship he enters into is inevitably going to end in pregnancy. Whether it be romantic or getting a membership card at Blockbuster.
BRITNEY: How did this happen?
KEVIN: I dunno! I mean, I didn't let her eat Cheetos like I did with you. I just ejaculated directly into her vagina a lot while she wasn't using birth control. It just doesn't make any sense...
BRITNEY: That is weird, y'all. Like one of them miracles or something.
KEVIN: Seriously.
Oct 21 2009Kim Kardashian wants a baby NOW
Since it's no fair stupid Kourtney gets to have one and hog all the attention, Kim Kardashian wants a baby before she hits 30 next October, according to Life & Style:
"I always had a vision I'd be married with one kid by the time I'm 30." Not that Kim's likely to be waiting for a ring much longer. After dating for more than two years, Kim and boyfriend Reggie Bush, split in July but are now back together and working on their issues. "Before, I was strictly all about my work," Kim admits. "Now I make it a priority to go see him instead. It's all about the commitment you choose to make."
And with renewed faith in their relationship, Kim and Reggie are making moves toward their future. "Kim is selling her condo so she and Reggie can buy a home together in Los Angeles," her friend says. And the prospect of having a big house has Kim thinking about how she and Reggie will fill it. "I want a lot of kids," Kim tells Life & Style. "Maybe five or six. A mix of both boys and girls."
I'm sure nothing will bring Kim Kardashian more joy than giving birth to a beautiful baby, immediately handing it off to a team of Mexican nannies and then spending the next year hiring the greatest plastic surgeons of our time to restore her ass. I hear one of them even built a time machine to go into the future since our current ass enhancement technologies fall short of such a task. Or maybe I'm thinking about last week's Nip/Tuck. You get my point.
Oct 1 2009Kate Hudson looks pregnant to people
Seen here watching the Yankees play the Angels last week, Kate Hudson has dropped off the radar since New York Fashion Week in early September with rumors coming in that she's pregnant with yet another child support check for A-Rod to write. Or not. NY Daily News reports:
The Hollywood blond was photographed looking a teensy bit plump earlier this week, feeding the rumor mill that she's up the duff. At the time she was snapped, Hudson was house-hunting with her Yankee lover of four months in Malibu.
But alas, Hudson's rep, Brad Cafarelli, denies his client is expecting, which means she probably just ate a couple of extra nachos at Yankee Stadium.
Why do I get the feeling the Daily News just wanted to call Kate Hudson fat? "Well, we thought she was pregnant, but since her rep denied it, let's chalk it up to nachos." I mean, who uses that kind of journalism? Besides me every single day, but I think we can all agree I'm special.
Sep 29 2009Rebecca Gayheart is pregnanty
Here's a pregnant Rebecca Gayheart at her LA home yesterday with Eric Dane. Because it's always comforting to see two people who just had a drug-fueled orgy leaked on the Internet bring a baby into the mix. Actually, I'm being serious. This kid could have a loaded gun taped to his hand and he'd have a better chance than anything that will fall out of half the celebrity vaginas on this site. Christ, I'd give Jessica Simpson less than two weeks before she's on Twitter asking people if coyotes really eat babies.
Sep 24 2009Gisele Bundchen is definitely pregnant
Even though Tom Brady essentially confirmed it, here's Gisele Bundchen looking pregnant as hell in Boston today in case there were any doubters. I don't see why they kept this thing such a big secret. People were going to find out eventually when Gisele stopped having the chest of a 15 year old boy and sprouted a Britney Spears-ian stomach.
Okay, that stomach part wasn't fair. To Gisele.
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Sep 16 2009Kourtney Kardashian uses Khloe's outfits for maternity clothes
Further proving the Kardashian/Jenner clan have adopted a Sasquatch as one of their own, Kim Kardashian says pregnant sister Kourtney uses Khloe's clothes as maternity outfits. E! News reports:
"She's huge. She is huuuuge!" little sister Kim told me earlier this morning, while backstage at the Badgley Mischka spring fashion show in Bryant Park. "I think she's in denial of buying maternity clothes, because she just borrows Khloe's clothes."
"Khloé is going to kill me for saying that, but it's really because Khloé is so much taller," Kim said. "Kourtney will take Khloé's top and wear it as a dress...She will not buy maternity clothes. I don't know what's wrong with her."
Call me old-fashioned, but this just seems like smart money management. Why buy maternity clothes when you've got an entire wardrobe tailored to size Wookiee at your disposal? Granted, Chewbacca's going to find out and rip your arms off so you'll never be able to hold your baby without the use of prosthetics, but in Kourtney's defense, it's either that or wear jeans with elastic in the waist.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Kourtney After the Jump
Continue Reading "Kourtney Kardashian uses Khloe's outfits for maternity clothes"
Sep 16 2009Kendra Wilkinson's husband cut from the Eagles
Add getting a father-to-be fired to Michael Vick's list of offenses. The Philadelphia Eagles have cut Kendra Wilkinson's husband Hank Baskett just months before the two are due to have a baby boy. Us Magazine reports:
The Philadelphia Eagles released the star receiver, 27, to make room for Michael Vick on the team's 53-man roster.
The team said on its Web site that Vick, who had been on the exempt list, will begin practicing with the team on Wednesday. (Vick can't play in the first two regular-season games as a penalty for participating in a dogfighting ring.)
Of course, Kendra and Hank will be fine. Provided Hugh Hefner doesn't drop dead or no longer wants his diaper changed by a topless woman with ginormous tits, so maybe update that resume.
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Continue Reading "Kendra Wilkinson's husband cut from the Eagles"
Sep 10 2009Kendra Wilkinson's Baby Shower
Former Hugh Hefner prisoner Girl Next Door Bridget Marquardt threw a surprise baby shower for Kendra Wilkinson last night because that's what you do after fondling old man balls together. And this thing had everything! Retardedly huge prego boobs, Holly Madison eating a pickle and, of course, Grandpa Death. Does he want a handjob, or a bowl of prunes? It's anybody's guess.
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