Jun 2 2008Brittany Murphy's career officially F'd in the A

Brittany Murphy seemed to have it all at one point. Ashton Kuther, a sky-rocketing career and looks that only the previous two items could afford. Then Ashton curbed her and she pretty much went to shit. Her one last chance to maintain relevancy happened when Disney magically chose her to be the voice of an all new CGI Tinker Bell movie. Brittany would also be the face of the new Tink for the press as well. But then she decided to date Captain Illegal Simon Monjack who the Feds are trying to deport from the country. Disney likes their stars pure as the driven snow (Right, Lindsay!) and basically dumped Brittany Murphy on Friday - without bothering to tell her. Those folks are adorable. Hollywood Newsroom has the details:

Tinker Bell was a disaster. The story didn’t work, too many fart jokes and lesbian innuendoes. The CGI was subpar. Most importantly, Tinker Bell herself. The animation and Brit’s vocal work lacked the magic Lasseter expected with this iconic Disney character. And there was a major PR problem - Disney had publicly announced Brittany Murphy AS Tinker Bell. Press releases were sent, pictures taken. It was an embarrassment, the family-friendly company didn’t want to associate themselves with a rumored drug-addled washed-up actress — last known for marrying a shady old guy that looked like her dad.
Poor Brittany. We called three times to her representation for a response. The first comment was “what, huh?” and a hangup. The second reply was no comment. The three reply was a simple confirmation that Brittany Murphy is no longer associated with Disney or Tinker Bell.

Whoa whoa whoa. How can a movie have too many lesbian innuendos? They might as well call the movie "We Don't Want an Oscar Bell." Oh, Disney. How the mighty have fallen...

Thanks to Suki Jonze for even remembering who the hell Brittany Murphy is. I had to use Encyclopedia Brittanica.

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Jun 28 2007Brittany Murphy might be insane

A source who used to work for Brittany Murphy says Brittany is convinced "a high-powered Hollywood player" is stalking her. Back in April, her then-boyfriend Simon Monjack disappeared for 10 days and Brittany claimed he had been kidnapped by agents of her stalker. However, the kidnapping exactly coincides with the dates that Monjack, a British citizen, was reportedly jailed by U.S. immigration for overstaying his visa.

"When he came back, he had head injuries," says the former insider. "He was pale and sometimes had trouble standing." Not only that, but the former staffer also claims Murphy said she was unable to pay him because the money had been used for ransom ... Monjack, a screenwriter, is not short of enemies. Several anonymous sources have posted unflattering stories on the Internet about his past relationships. On June 13, a man identifying himself as Arturo Globenfeldt posted a message on Monjack's Imdb.com page claiming he owes him $16 million in film investment money.

So the guy gets kicked out of the country for 10 days and then tells Brittany Murphy he was kidnapped and she believes him. Wow. You could probably get her to believe the moon was made out of cheese if you wanted to. You wouldn't even have to really try, you could just mention it offhandedly and she'd be like, "Reeeeaaaally?!"

Source

Jan 30 2006Brittany Murphy takes up singing

Since she's not doing so much acting anymore, Brittany Murphy is apparently set to release a music album.

Murphy warbles on the single "Faster Pussycat" on superstar deejay Paul Oakenfold's album due out in April, and friends say she wants to record her own disc next. Murphy - who left the ICM agency last month and also got engaged to production assistant Joe Macaluso - is now being repped by Endeavor for acting, and oddly enough, by her former fianc�, Jeff Kwatinetz, for music.

I've never heard her sing, but I can't imagine it would be any good considering the way she talks. That raspy hoarse voice might be useful when you want to convince people you've been smoking cigarettes every single day of your life, but maybe not so much for the singing. Unless the album is just a recording of her coughing and wheezing and doing impressions of people with lung cancer.

Source

Jan 16 2006The Superficial Quickies

� Brittany Murphy and Joseph Macaluso are engaged. This is a nice move for Brittany, although it's not quite as classy as sleeping around with waiters at industry bar mitzvahs. [People]

� Eminem remarried Kim last night, proving once and for all that love can overcome anything, even horrible death threats made by your ex-husband. And by 'love' I mean 'money'. Because damnit if Eminem doesn't have a lot of money. [AP]

� Carrie Fisher admits to being a whore. Star Wars fans everywhere break open their piggy banks, only to be disappointed when they find out she only meant it in the figurative sense regarding selling her autograph at shows. [Page Six]

� Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas has started his own record label, choosing the most original name possible in the history of all record labels: will.i.am music. [NME]

Nov 18 2005Brittany Murphy Has Sex Mitzvah

A lot of people think that 15% is a pretty decent tip. Some say 20%, some 25%. But some people think the only appropriate way to tip your waiter is with sex. Apparently Brittany Murphy is one of these people. She has been dropped by her manager and agents at ICM, and a bunch of rumors have been floating around including a gossip item on E!online which implied that Murphy had had sex with a waiter at an industry bar mitzvah.

A rep for Murphy, who has been helping her mother deal with cancer, said, "Brittany is making a transition in her representation and has parted ways amicably with Brillstein-Grey and ICM. Not the other way around. The blind item on E!online is not Brittany."

Now I'm not Jewish, and have no idea how bar mitzvah's are supposed to work, but if there's any truth to the above story I'm seriously thinking of converting. Most of my Catholic ceremonies growing up were sixty-minutes of prayer followed by three hours in the church basement running from a man who said he had to sacrifice my clothes to the Lord. This whole judaism thing seems much better. If Brittany gets this kinky at a bar mitzvah, god only knows what she'd do at a bris.

NONE TOO BLIND [NY Post ]

May 25 2005Jessica Alba works for free

According to a report on IMDB, �Jessica Alba has displayed her generous side at the Cannes Film Festival by offering her acting talents for free - to raise money for AIDS charity Amfar � Alba caused the greatest stir by vowing to star unpaid in one of Bob Weinsteins movies, if he agreed to bid $100,000 for tennis lessons with sports stars Monica Seles and Boris Becker. Weinstein was happy to honour Alba's proposal��

I have little to no idea what any of this means. It seems like Alba could have gotten a lot more than 100 grand out of Weinstein if that was supposed to be in lieu of her salary. She must really really hate little kids with AIDS. So that�s weird. And I sure as hell don�t understand why anyone would pay 100 grand to get yelled at by an angry temperamental German on the tennis court, so I�m only putting this up as an excuse to post the pictures of Jess with her new short haircut. And her getting felt up by Brittany Murphy. Also pictured: Jessica loving it. Not pictured: Me defiling my bunny slippers. And if you think you're surprised by this, check out the guy in the hat. Man, he can't believe it!

Apr 14 2005Ashton Kutcher loves Viagra

From Glamour magazine :

Ashton Kutcher has denied rumours he's hooked on Viagra, but admits he has tried the drug. "I tried it, but I'm not addicted," he told GLAMOUR magazine. "I don't have a hard-on now! I haven't taken it in years. I took it a few times recreationally. It's illegal [without prescription], but I've taken it."

This really does lend itself to the theory that the problem with most guys who need Viagra isn�t the guy, it�s the girl. I bet you no one has ever needed Viagra with Krista Allen. Funny how Ashton needed dangerous addictive drugs to trick his penis into sex with Brittany Murphy, but suddenly he�s hard enough to cut glass now that he�s with hyper-ripped-out MILF Demi Moore. Maybe if women would use more Pantene and Dexatrim, guys would need less Viagra. Although I must admit most of my high school chemistry classes were spent staring at Kay Donaldson's ass, so it's possible I don�t have a complete command of the science involved here.

Mar 17 2005Britanny Murphy not on cocaine

Brittany Murphy says she has never snorted cocaine before and that it isn't the reason she's gotten so skinny. She insists, "I have never tried it in my entire life. I've never seen it. I am also way too high-strung. I can't even take a Sudafed. Can you imagine? My God, I think my heart would explode!" Have you ever seen this girl in real life? I think she's serious about the heart exploding thing. She's like a really hyper version of that Taco Bell dog that everybody hates. Anyways, after her breakup with Ashton Kutcher and broken engagement to an industry big-wig, she says she's now dating a normal guy from Brooklyn which she met when he was hired to hang Christmas lights at her house. Although I'm not sure when hanging Christmas lights turned into a profession. That's a job I think I could see myself doing. Ya know, if I was an idiot.