Oct 29 2009So this is what Armageddon looks like...
If Heidi & Spencer dressed up as Jon & Kate Gosselin didn't just open the doorway to Satan's fiery butthole, then frankly, folks, I don't think anything will. Except for maybe me thinking "Damn, Kate Gosselin kinda looks hot in these." AH, IT BURNS!!!
Sep 30 2009Spencer Pratt comes out of the closet
In an interview with PopWrap, Spencer Pratt confirms what anybody who's ever seen his douchebeard has already known: He's not banging Heidi:
PW: So it sounds like we shouldn't expect Speidi babies any time soon.
Spencer: I'm not even kidding, my wife -- OK, I'm gonna get crass here -- but we're barely having sex because I'm scared that she's gonna have a baby. That's the level our marriage is on right now. I'm not even kidding -- my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.
PW: Do you think she'd trick you into having a baby by saying she was on birth control or something?
Spencer: She's not the kind of person who would lie -- she would just walk away and not answer the question. So yes, I'm very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.
I highly doubt their sex life has "dramatically changed recently." In fact, I'm pretty sure Spencer couldn't pick his own wife's vagina out of a line-up.
SPENCER: Uh, is it that one?
COP: Sir, that's a half eaten donut.
SPENCER: Are you sure about that?
COP: It has sprinkles.
SPENCER: Riiight.
Aug 27 2009Spencer Pratt is definitely gay
Above is unedited footage from MTV's The Aftershow which features a clearly embarrassed host Jesse Cruickshank at a club with Heidi and Spencer after the Miss Universe 2009 Pageant. Watch as Heidi tries to do a lap dance for Spencer who, after blatantly checking to see if the camera's on, does the worst impression of a man who enjoys looking at a woman. It's almost like he's trying to smile, but a voice in his head is constantly reminding him there's a vagina in those pants and he should run for his fucking life.
Aug 25 2009Heidi Montag wore a bikini again
If you didn't suspect there'd be another set of Heidi and Spencer on the beach in the Bahamas, clearly you're a naive soul blissfully unaware of the dark evils of this world. But, on the bright side, I realized we'll never have to worry about these two starring in a sex tape. I'll let you do the math on that one.*
*Answer: x / y = Spencer loves penis ^ gay
Scope Out (16) Pics of Heidi & Spencer After the Jump
Aug 24 2009Heidi Montag in a bikini
Since there's a beach in the Bahamas, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt took some time over the weekend to partake in one of their horribly canned photo shoots, and somebody needs to tell Spencer he can stop pimping Heidi's issue of Playboy. Everybody's seen what's in it: Nothing.
EDIT: Apparently you can see Heidi's cock-eyed nipple in the last pic which instantly makes this post more revealing her Playboy shoot. The Superficial: We, uh, meant to do that. Yeah.
NOTE: Added Heidi's performance at the 2009 Miss Universe Pageant that makes Britney Spears look like goddamn Baryshnikov.
Scope Out (28) Pics of Heidi & Spencer After the Jump
Aug 20 2009Heidi Montag is a pain in Miss Universe's ass
Seen here practicing yesterday for the Miss Universe Pageant, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have been gigantic pains in the anus for pageant officials, according to Page Six:
She's scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant at the Atlantis Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas Sunday night, but an insider told Page Six, "They're a complete nightmare. Heidi has missed many rehearsals" while "Spencer tried to demand that the hotel pay him to lay by the pool" after he and Heidi were comped on the cabanas. "The Atlantis laughed in his face," our snitch reports.
I love how Spencer had the labia flaps to demand the hotel pay him for being seen at their pool. Of course, if they knew what's good for them, they would've paid him to drown himself in it. Because you know he would've done it. "Let me get this straight. I drown myself in the pool, and you'll give me money afterward? -- ON IT!"
Scope Out (20) Pics of Heidi After the Jump
Continue Reading "Heidi Montag is a pain in Miss Universe's ass"
Aug 16 2009Spencer Pratt's machine gun birthday cake
Dear NRA Enthusiasts,
Meet your new poster child. He's all yours.
- The Superficial
(Thanks to Jonah Ray who's packing an arsenal - of love. Ladies?)
Continue Reading "Spencer Pratt's machine gun birthday cake"
Aug 13 2009Elle Macpherson's still got it and other news
- Victoria Beckham goes overkill on the bronzer for her first day on American Idol. Even George Hamilton went "Are you kidding me?" then instructed his wife to tan him with a flamethrower. True story. [Lainey Gossip]
- Brad Pitt is not running for mayor of New Orleans. He is, however, running for sheriff of Please Let's Stop Acquiring Kids Before I Shoot Myself in the Face Town. [PopEater]
- Bryce Dallas Howard arrives on the set of Eclipse. She'll be carrying Robert Pattinson's baby and having a gunfight with Kristen Stewart in 5... 4... 3... [OK! Magazine]
- Haylie Duff still exists? Honestly, I thought she was a prop Hilary's publicist came up with. Weird. [Celebslam]
- Jerry O'Connell is going to law school. That'll make Rebecca realize he's a big boy now. Right after she cuts his sandwich in triangles. [Just Jared]
- Jessica Alba finds acting work that doesn't involve a bikini. Has the world gone mad?! [PopSugar]
- Heidi Montag pretends she has sex with Spencer Pratt. But he's not Jesus... [I'm Not Obsessed]
Continue Reading "Elle Macpherson's still got it and other news"
