Nov 18 2009Paris Hilton denies drunken fight with Doug
Captain Birdfoot of the S.S. Barnacled Clam is denying she was involved in a fight with Doug Reinhardt that ended in the cops showing up at her house, according to TMZ:
"Doug and I were in bed, sound asleep, when Doug's houseguests from hell got into an argument. We had nothing to do with it. Doug told the LAPD that his guests' fight was over and that we had nothing to do with it."
Ok, sounds credible, except for the neighbor who says he eyeballed Paris in her driveway screaming at BF Doug Reinhardt, and then watched as the two engaged in a mutual shoving match. And then there's the LAPD, who tells us after arriving they actually made Paris get out of bed so they could check for injuries.
If Paris is afraid to admit she's in an abusive relationship because she'll be encouraged to break up with Doug, she really shouldn't be. In fact, I'd like to pay for the wedding. Let's make this thing permanent, you crazy lovebirds!
Nov 18 2009Paris & Doug still beating the shit out of each other
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt reportedly got into another drunken brawl this morning, according to TMZ:
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt got into an epic fight early this morning ... so much so the LAPD responded to a call -- "Drunk people arguing" -- this, according to law enforcement sources.
It happened a few hours ago in the Hollywood Hills. An eyewitness tells us he saw Paris in her driveway and Doug getting in his car, when Paris began screaming, "Don't go, don't go!"
The eyewitness tells us Doug got out of the car and the lovebirds began "shoving each other."
Sonofabitch. How many times do I have to explain to Doug Reinhardt he won't go to jail for murdering Paris in a "crime of passion?" No, really, I dare you to find one person who'd convict him let alone an entire jury. It's the greatest legal loophole known to man.
Continue Reading "Paris & Doug still beating the shit out of each other"
Nov 16 2009Paris Hilton wants to destroy the Kardashians
Paris Hilton is pissed that the Kardashians rode her admittedly roomy labia to stardom and now make more money than she does. However, Paris is already planning to destroy them by copying their every move? Okay, sure. Page Six reports:
"She used to command $100,000 for club appearances, but now Kim is the hottest girl -- and they aren't friends anymore. The magazines are bidding around $300,000 for Kourtney's baby-shower and baby pictures. And Khloe's wedding brought in record ratings for E!
"Paris has realized that standing for excess in a recession doesn't appeal," our insider continued. "The Kardashian girls seem more real, and girls identify with them more. She's got to ditch the pink Bentley and concentrate on developing herself."
Sources close to Hilton said she's carefully working on the launch of her new hair and beauty line, which she'll unveil in Beverly Hills on Tuesday, taking the lead from the Kardashians by having her family at her side.
Of course, there's an easier way to settle this: Everyone involved in this story kills themselves and whoever disrupts the most CNN coverage wins. Ready GO!
NOTE: Apologies to Kourtney's unborn child except not really and you're welcome.
Continue Reading "Paris Hilton wants to destroy the Kardashians"
Nov 8 2009Paris Hilton is truth in advertising
In a surprising display of literacy, Paris Hilton is pissed about the above billboard popping up all over New Zealand, according to the Sunday Star Times:
The photo, which shows Hilton partying, has the word "vacant" written in giant-sized lettering across it.
Hilton's Los Angeles-based manager Jamie Freed said Wellington billboard company, Media5, had no permission to use Hilton's image, and they could expect to hear from Hilton's lawyers.
I love how Paris Hilton's own manager doesn't even try to dispute the content of the billboard and sticks solely with the legal aspects. He's paid to make his client look awesome no matter what, yet saw this and went "Aw, shit, they got us."
Thanks to Dylan who wonders how you administer penicillin to a stretch of highway and/or get it to drink a whole bunch of cranberry juice.
Nov 1 2009Doug Reinhardt photographed choking Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt went at each other last night in front of the paparazzi. The two were out celebrating Halloween and apparently the shit hit the fan when they got in an argument inside their limo and Doug threw Paris' phone out the window, according to Splash News. Paris was reportedly yelling "I'm going to kill you" which prompted Doug to wrap his hands around her neck until a mutual friend pulled her out of the car.
Dammit, I knew this was going to happen. After getting on my soapbox about Joe Francis and Chris Brown being giant pussies for beating women, I knew there would come a day where I'd end up looking like a hypocrite and of course, it had to be Paris Hilton riding that horse in. Although in my defense, I'm pretty sure even counselors at women's shelter are looking at these photos and giving each other high fives. (Your secret's safe with me.)
Scope Out (20) Pics of Paris & Doug After the Jump
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Oct 22 2009Paris Hilton demonstrates where herpes comes from and other news
- Kate Hudson is apparently the Anti-Jessica Simpson when it comes to sports. [PopEater]
- Amanda Seyfried could definitely look hotter. [Lainey Gossip]
- Coco in 10 years. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Kourtney Kardashian realizes she's pregnant, right? [Celebslam]
- Jennifer Aniston actually turned a man gay. (Besides John Mayer, he had his foot in the door.) [Just Jared]
- Rampage Jackson as B.A. Baracus. [The Blemish]
- Chris Brown still has feelings for Rihanna. [Wonderwall]
- Lourdes Leon has fangs now which means it's only a matter of time until her wings come in. *sniff* They grow up so fast... [ICYDK]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Paris After the Jump
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Oct 19 2009Paris Hilton needs more crustaceans. Why not?
In spite of all logic and reason, Paris Hilton managed to land a cameo in the Will Ferrell comedy The Other Guys and took the opportunity to prove why most producers would rather give themselves a vasectomy with a Hot Wheels car before casting her. Page Six reports:
A source reports, "Paris has a cameo role in the movie, where she plays herself. It is all being kept very hush-hush.
"But the producers were shocked when her team handed them a three-page list of demands -- including live lobsters to be prepared fresh when she's ready to eat and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka -- all for just one day on the set.
"All celebrities are typically offered riders, but it seemed excessive for just one day's work playing herself. She was due to fly to New York to film in secret last week."
So these people hired Paris Hilton and expected her to show up on set and be the consummate professional? Interesting. Was Corky from Life Goes On handling the casting that day? Because I don't know how else you could expect this to go any other way. Although, frankly, I'm surprised the most outrageous demand was fresh lobsters and not a trailer full of Valtrex and baby seal burgers.
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Oct 9 2009Paris Hilton still has really gross knees and other news
- Billy Ray Cyrus wants Miley Cyrus to keep Tweeting. How else is going to buy that there sol-eed gold spittoon he's been fixin' to get? [Lainey Gossip]
- Jon Gosselin and the paparazzi: BFFs. [PopEater]
- Jessica Alba wears retarded shorts. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Heidi Klum has NOT birthed a future German sexpot yet. [Just Jared]
- R. Kelly admits he's illiterate but also the "Greatest Writer of All Time." Why not? [Celebslam]
- Reggie Bush looks so thrilled to be back with Kim Kardashian. So thrilled. [PopSugar]
- David Letterman used to take his mistress/assistant on family vacations. Now those are some balls. [The Blemish]
- Kourtney Kardashian is having a boy which proves the Kardashian sisters have to have a penis in them at all times. Least surprising fact ever. I know. [ICYDK]
Continue Reading "Paris Hilton still has really gross knees and other news"
