Jan 6 2009Kate Hudson congratulates Lance Armstrong on new baby
Kate Hudson might have been ditched by Lance Armstrong, but she's willing to be the better person and congratulate him for knocking up his latest girlfriend. And not just for the press it'll generate. - - Goddammit.... People reports:
"It's amazing. Congratulations," Hudson told PEOPLE at Monday night's Manhattan premiere of Bride Wars, where she shared the Tiffany & Co. blue carpet with costar Anne Hathaway.
"He's a great father. He already is an amazing father," Hudson said with a smile.
But in all seriousness, that's a really classy move by a woman who basically let a one-nutted cyclist play Russian Roulette with her uterus. Most of the ladies I know would've smashed the reflectors on Lance's bike then pulled the baseball cards out of his spokes. No foolin'.
EDIT: Added pics of Kate stopping by Letterman last night because I'm convinced if I stare at her ass long enough I'll see the future. Wait, I'm getting a prediction: She'll go through a door!
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Dec 24 2008Lance Armstrong's remaining testicle works
Like any rational man if placed in the same predicament, Lance Armstrong figured "Hey, one nut, no condom." I don't even know where to start with how much sense that makes. Except it turns out God hates Lance Armstrong because he was left with the virile one causing him to knock up girlfriend Anna Hansen. Whoops. People reports:
"Anna and I are thrilled to confirm that we are expecting in June and our families are ecstatic and grateful," he says in a statement. "We are very much looking forward to what 2009 brings on many fronts."
He adds: "We appreciate respecting our privacy, as we are both eager to celebrate the holidays as a family."
Fortunatetely for Lance, "My girlfriend fell down the stairs while riding a bike" is probably the most believable scenario anyone can tell the cops. In fact, I'm sitting here right now thinking, "Damn, shoulda wore a helmet" and also "I wonder if my parents still have my BMX - and stairs." Food for thought.
EDIT: Wow, you must think I'm a dick. Totally forgot to say "Congratulations!"
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Aug 1 2008Kate Hudson runs back to Chris Robinson
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong's relationship might have just ended, but that doesn't mean she can't immediately screw her ex-husband. Kate was spotted yesterday in New Jersey at Chris Robinson's apartment presumably to make sure she got her daily dose of doing it. I think I'm starting to love this woman. OK! Magazine reports:
"They were really affectionate with each other and gave each other a kiss which lasted much longer then a platonic kiss should last — 20 seconds, maybe a little longer.
"Without going into all the details the kiss was more than just friends. They seemed like something more going on and were very affectionate with each other."
A pal of Kate's tells OK!, "She and Chris have always been close and she turns to her exes after most of her breakups."
I bet Chris Robinson religiously follows Kate's love life in the tabloids: "Oh, snap, she just got dumped again! Time to break out the Marvin Gaye and penis wax. Chris Robinson's getting laaaaaaaaaaiiiid!" Somewhere, Chris just read this and wonders if I've bugged his house because, holy shit, was that quote accurate.
Jul 30 2008Kate Hudson & Lance Armstrong make like his testicles and stop being a pair
Bad news everybody: Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong have broken up. Who saw that coming? Besides Kate Hudson and her unwavering love of new penis. It turns out the two couldn't stop arguing and finally decided to throw in the towel, according to Page Six:
Hudson made a last-ditch effort last week, traveling to see her beau in Ohio for his Livestrong Summit, but "they both decided it wasn't feasible," a friend said. Another spy said the couple had a big blowout a week ago and Armstrong stormed off - "They didn't talk for like five days."
It must be hard to have an argument with a guy who rides his bicycle in the kitchen while eating breakfast. Sure, you can yell all you want about him taking "that thing everywhere" including the bathroom, but he's just gonna pop a wheelie in your face then go back to his Wheaties. Some might say I'm perpetuating a horrible stereotype that all cyclists are dicks, but until I see concrete data that suggests otherwise, I'm still throwing stray cats at them from my car window: "Quit blocking the lane! Aim true, Fluffy." REOWW!
Jul 2 2008Kate Hudson is hot (If you hate breasts)
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong had dinner yesterday with Kate's mom Goldie Hawn which must've made Owen Wilson all kinds of jealous. He never got to meet Goldie! This blows. Why is everyone always walking out on him? Fortunately, there's always good, old reliable heroi- Hey! Mr. Syringe, why're you putting on your top hat and monocle? "Sorry, Owen, but I think we should see other people." Awwwww.
Jun 18 2008Kate Hudson & Lance Armstrong act like they didn't just have sex in his apartment
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong were caught leaving his Manhattan apartment yesterday. I think the look on Kate's face says it all: "Could've used more testicle."
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May 27 2008Kate Hudson & Lance Armstrong make nautical love
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are taking their relationship public and were spotted in Monaco enjoying a day of aquatic romance. I like to believe that after their boat ride, Lance put his arm around Kate and softly whispered in her ear, "Kate, when we have sex later, I should probably warn you I'm missing a nut. End transmission." *sniff* He's a keeper.
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May 19 2008Kate Hudson dating Lance Armstrong, this celeb-banging train waits for no man! (That means you, Owen Wilson.)
Kate Hudson is wasting no time getting over Owen Wilson and has moved on to champion cyclist Lance Armstrong. I guess the only way for me to touch that butt is to stop using training wheels. But what if I get an ouchie?! Us Magazine reports:
The new couple went on a cozy dinner date at Chuy's Hula Hut in Austin, Texas, according to a source. On Saturday night, the pair joined a group of six, including two women and four children.
"They seemed like they were having a great time," a fellow diner tells Usmagazine.com.
While this news proves that Kate Hudson has a healthy love of the penis (Say, has she met John Mayer?), it is admittedly kind of dull. So, I added some bikini pics of Kate from an old post to spice things up. I swear, you guys must read this site and think you're on C-SPAN - but with more journalistic integrity than you can shake a boob at.
