Heidi Montag getting hate mail about her plastic surgery
After essentially transforming herself into a big-titted wax figure, Heidi Montag has started receiving hate mail from Christians, according to Life & Style:
"Spencer ordered about seven bunches of flowers to cheer up Heidi because she'd received a letter or an e-mail saying that her plastic surgery was against God's will," a neighbor of the couple tells Life & Style. "Heidi's apparently very spiritual, so this kind of criticism really stings."
Really stings, huh? Then she probably won't want to read this e-mail I just got from Jesus:
Dude, did you see Heidi Montag? WTF? If I wanted her to look like Life-Size Barbie I would've made Dream Cars fly out of her ass. Granted Ken and Spencer have the same downtown anatomy, that's not my point.
Anyway, she's totally not coming up here to give me high-fives and shoot gay people with automatic weapons all day. I don't care how big and round and big her breasts are. Not like I can't see them up from up here. Amirite?
Later,
Count Cockulong (That's my new nickname. Embrace it, bitch.)
Heidi Montag and her giant new breasts do yoga
Despite the fact that yoga is the Devil's aerobics, Heidi Montag spent the weekend testing the limberness of her new body that she can't afford because exactly five people bought her album. Which is why I'm pretty sure this is a porn audition. But if it's not, wow, what a fucking idiot. This is like hitting a home run into space in front of the president of baseball only to turn down a major league contract to pursue whatever the hell it is Heidi does. Human guinea pig for vapid people? I don't even care.
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Tila Tequila on Heidi Montag
Since such concepts as hypocrisy and reality escape her elven grasp, Tila Tequila decided to criticize Heidi Montag's plastic surgery despite the fact if you painted Tila blue you could legally sell her as a Smurf action figure. RadarOnline reports:
"She's gone overboard... Her whole relationship is fake, her whole show is fake, her whole marriage is fake, everything about her is fake. So now it just makes sense that her whole face is fake."
Tila admits to her own plastic surgery, breast augmentation, but believes Heidi, 23, has gone too far.
"She's sending out a really, really, really, really, really, really, really bad message to other young girls out there who might look up to her," Tila told RadarOnline.com. "It's telling these girls, 'Don't feel good about yourself, get as much plastic surgery as you can.'"
Tila Tequila's concerned about young girls having positive role models? The Tila Tequila who highjacked a woman's death for publicity and showed her tampon string to the entire Internet while trying to ruin Shawne Merriman's career for kicks? That Tila Te- wait. Am I actually defending Heidi Montag? Fucking dammit! Get my butterfly net. We're ending this thing.
NOTE: Kudos to Millions of Milkshakes for deciding to give Tila her own milkshake this week. Because who doesn't want a tall, frosty glass of Banarama Ewok Snizz? (I don't know what else they'll call it.)
Heidi Montag's album sells less than 1,000 copies
Despite her huge plastic tits and sexually-charged lyrics, Heidi Montag's new album Superficial couldn't even sell 1,000 copies. And if that's not hilarious enough, she dropped her entire life's savings into it because she had her brain replaced with a tennis bracelet. Us Magazine reports:
In fact, industry sources tell UsMagazine.com that the album has sold only 658 downloads to date.
This is likely upsetting news for the reality star, who told Entertainment Weekly last week that she went broke making Superficial but thought that "within the first week, we will definitely make our money back."
She told EW, "I put every dollar I have into this. I've spent over $1 million, almost $2 million, on this album. It's cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality... The songs will make an impact in pop history."
On the bright side, once they take away her house because she can't afford the payments on her schnozz, Heidi won't have to worry about living outdoors. You know, because she's waterproof and bears hate the taste of mannequins.
More Pics of PlasticHeidi FrozenFace
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Heidi Montag shows her frozen-face in public
Before appearing on today's Good Morning America, Heidi Montag resorted to her old tricks by inviting the paparazzi outside her "secret hideaway" in LA yesterday. These are the first candid shots of Heidi since undergoing 10 reconstructive surgeries to look like a soulless wax caricature of herself. Or "PlasticHeidi FrozenFace" for those of you into freakishly accurate nicknames.
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Audrina Patrdige forgets she's 85% plastic, too
Despite the fact she won't admit to being recyclable herself, Audrina Patridge says she supports Heidi Montag's decision to undergo 500 reconstructive surgeries if it makes her happy. People reports:
But even as the 24-year-old reality star shows her support, Patridge admits surprise at the number of procedures her friend underwent.
"I think it's a case of, 'To each their own,' " she told PEOPLE on Thursday while at Kari Feinstein's Style Lounge at Zune in West Hollywood, "but 10 procedures in one day is a little much."
While Heidi went for the more shocking - and lucrative - go into seclusion and come out with your head sewed onto a Barbie doll approach, Audrina's a fan of the classic, gradual method. You know, a new pair of tits here, a new nose there. That way you can lie to your loved ones until your chin falls off at your nephew's birthday party pushing him right into ballet school. It's the proper way.
NOTE: Included a scan detailing Heidi's surgeries from the latest issue of People so maybe you can guys tell me why she even bothered with her face.
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Heidi Montag or Barbie with a circulatory system?
Completely out of character for an attention-starved blow-up doll, Heidi Montag hasn't been photographed by the paparazzi since late November. Turns out she's been spending a small fortune having her chin sanded down and giving the ol' jugs an extra quart of saline. But to prove Heidi's still the same vapid pile of "MEEE!!" under there, she's making up for lost publicity by chronicling her experience for the latest issue of People:
"For the past three years, I've thought about what to have done," the reality star tells PEOPLE. "I'm beyond obsessed."
And so, on Nov. 20, Montag's total transformation began. Keeping even her family in the dark, the starlet chronicled every painful moment of recovery and her journey to become "the best me."
Good for Heidi. I've always felt a woman shouldn't stop getting questionable surgery after questionable surgery until the voices in her head tell her she's finally beautiful. Kanye's mom knows what I'm talking about.
Enlarged Version After the Jump
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Heidi Montag wants you to eat her panties off. For Jesus.
Heidi Montag's new album Superficial released today and apparently one of the songs requests someone who won't cry at the mere thought of her vagina (Spencer.) remove her panties with his teeth. Via Us Magazine:
"I brought some treats / I know that you gon love em," she sings. "Come eat my panties off of me / Do whatever you feel comes naturally."
Obviously these are the words of a sexually starved young woman in a sham marriage, or a songwriter who knows his client has the comprehension skills of a wombat because she bought fake tits to avoid ever having to read again.
Continue Reading "Heidi Montag wants you to eat her panties off. For Jesus."
