Oct 29 2009So this is what Armageddon looks like...
If Heidi & Spencer dressed up as Jon & Kate Gosselin didn't just open the doorway to Satan's fiery butthole, then frankly, folks, I don't think anything will. Except for maybe me thinking "Damn, Kate Gosselin kinda looks hot in these." AH, IT BURNS!!!
Oct 2 2009Hayden Panettiere wears short shorts and other news
- David Letterman's mistress was apparently a regular on sketches. [PopEater]
- Katy Perry and Russell Brand might be having weird, Britishy sex. [Lainey Gossip]
- Rihanna wears more crazy shit in Paris. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Ashlee Simpson is getting tired of Pete Wentz. It's a good thing she didn't have his baby. Oh, wait. [Celebslam]
- Lauren Conrad won't be acting in the movie adaptation of her book. She only memorized lines for The Hills. [PopSugar]
- Beyonce is Billboard's Woman of the Year. [Just Jared]
- Lindsay Lohan might have a twin. [The Blemish]
- Heidi Montag co-hosted The View today and somehow didn't open a portal of dumb consuming us all. Your guess is as good as mine. [Socialite Life]
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Continue Reading "Hayden Panettiere wears short shorts and other news"
Sep 30 2009Spencer Pratt comes out of the closet
In an interview with PopWrap, Spencer Pratt confirms what anybody who's ever seen his douchebeard has already known: He's not banging Heidi:
PW: So it sounds like we shouldn't expect Speidi babies any time soon.
Spencer: I'm not even kidding, my wife -- OK, I'm gonna get crass here -- but we're barely having sex because I'm scared that she's gonna have a baby. That's the level our marriage is on right now. I'm not even kidding -- my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.
PW: Do you think she'd trick you into having a baby by saying she was on birth control or something?
Spencer: She's not the kind of person who would lie -- she would just walk away and not answer the question. So yes, I'm very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.
I highly doubt their sex life has "dramatically changed recently." In fact, I'm pretty sure Spencer couldn't pick his own wife's vagina out of a line-up.
SPENCER: Uh, is it that one?
COP: Sir, that's a half eaten donut.
SPENCER: Are you sure about that?
COP: It has sprinkles.
SPENCER: Riiight.
Sep 14 2009Kelly Clarkson to Kanye: 'What happened to you as a child?'
Kelly Clarkson hopped on her blog to tell Kanye West about himself:
Dear Kanye,
What happened to you as a child?? Did you not get hugged enough?? Something must have happened to make you this way and I think we're all just curious as to what would make a grown man go on national television and make a talented artist, let alone teenager, feel like shit. I mean, I've seen you do some pretty shitty things, but you just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways. It's absolutely fascinating how much I don't like you. I like everyone. I even like my asshole ex that cheated on me over you...which is pretty odd since I don't even personally know you. The best part of this evening is that you weren't even up for THIS award and yet you still have a problem with the outcome. Is winning a moon man that much of a life goal?? You can have mine if it will shut you up. Is it that important, really??
I was actually nominated in the same category that Taylor won and I was excited for her...so why can't you be?? I'm not even mad at you for being an asshole...I just pity you because you're a sad human being.
On a side note, Beyonce has always been a class act and proved again tonight that she still is. Go TEXAS!!
Taylor Swift, you outsell him ....that's why he's bitter. You know I love your work! Keep it up girl! KC :)
Because writing full paragraphs is hard, other celebs took to their Twitters to bash Kanye:
"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." - Pink
"FUCK U KANYE. IT'S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN." - Katy Perry
"I'm gonna say this, we should always have respect for each other! End of discussion" - Diddy
"congrats @taylorswift13 on your vma!!! you deserve it more than anyone!! I saw the devil in action when kanye west stole your mic! u rock!!!" - Heidi Montag
Okay, I think Kanye is a giant egotistical cock, but something freaks me out when a rich, Republican white woman starts claiming a black man is possessed by Satan. So, thanks, Heidi, for officially jumping the shark on this one. I'm sure Kanye's check is in the mail, or he'll be over later to pay Spencer. In ass dollars.
Continue Reading "Kelly Clarkson to Kanye: 'What happened to you as a child?'"
Aug 28 2009Kendra Wilkinson is definitely pregnant and other news
- Kendra Wilkinson poses with her baby bump and does she know we can see her nipples? [Kendra Wilkinson]
- Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy was trying to pick up chicks the day she announced her pregnancy. That kid is going to turn out awesome. [Celebslam]
- John Mayer gives to charity because he cares and not for some douchetastic ploy for attention. Or do I have those mixed up? [Lainey Gossip]
- Kate Moss likes Gypsies, too. [Just Jared]
- Heidi Montag loves that Anderson Cooper trashed her on CNN. Of course. [PopEater]
- Madonna continues to swim fully clothed while showing Eastern Europe half her ass on stage. [PopSugar]
- Kelly Osbourne used to take 50 Vicodin a day. [Wonderwall]
- Irina Voronina claims she was fired from Entourage because she refused to flirt with the cast. Vince's Smelly Cock strikes again! [The Blemish]
Continue Reading "Kendra Wilkinson is definitely pregnant and other news"
Aug 27 2009Spencer Pratt is definitely gay
Above is unedited footage from MTV's The Aftershow which features a clearly embarrassed host Jesse Cruickshank at a club with Heidi and Spencer after the Miss Universe 2009 Pageant. Watch as Heidi tries to do a lap dance for Spencer who, after blatantly checking to see if the camera's on, does the worst impression of a man who enjoys looking at a woman. It's almost like he's trying to smile, but a voice in his head is constantly reminding him there's a vagina in those pants and he should run for his fucking life.
Aug 25 2009Heidi Montag wore a bikini again
If you didn't suspect there'd be another set of Heidi and Spencer on the beach in the Bahamas, clearly you're a naive soul blissfully unaware of the dark evils of this world. But, on the bright side, I realized we'll never have to worry about these two starring in a sex tape. I'll let you do the math on that one.*
*Answer: x / y = Spencer loves penis ^ gay
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Aug 24 2009Heidi Montag in a bikini
Since there's a beach in the Bahamas, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt took some time over the weekend to partake in one of their horribly canned photo shoots, and somebody needs to tell Spencer he can stop pimping Heidi's issue of Playboy. Everybody's seen what's in it: Nothing.
EDIT: Apparently you can see Heidi's cock-eyed nipple in the last pic which instantly makes this post more revealing her Playboy shoot. The Superficial: We, uh, meant to do that. Yeah.
NOTE: Added Heidi's performance at the 2009 Miss Universe Pageant that makes Britney Spears look like goddamn Baryshnikov.
Scope Out (28) Pics of Heidi & Spencer After the Jump
