Mar 11 2009Suri & Shiloh: This is the apocalypse
I've been working on this site a long time, so it's safe to say I've seen some pretty disturbing shit. Yet somehow nothing compares to the chill in my spine after looking at the current cover of OK! Magazine. Mostly because I immediately saw flashes of Suri and Shiloh holding severed heads while entering nuclear launch codes in the Oval Office. Now, I don't consider myself a psychic, but one time I predicted I'd go to the nudie bar for lunch, and it totally happened. We're doomed!
EDIT: Thanks to DarwinPolice for figuring out why this cover looks so familiar.
Photo: OK! Magazine
Reader Comments
1. Sportsdvl - March 11, 2009 12:48 PM
Ugly little children who will never have any idea about the "real world". if you buy this magazine you should never be allowed to breed.
2. Pat - March 11, 2009 12:50 PM
Suri got a pet duck for her birthday! Good for her!
...wait...is that Shiloh?
3. RMC - March 11, 2009 12:51 PM
is the one with the brown hair retarded? like actually?
4. The Real anthonyOA - March 11, 2009 12:51 PM
why are they named after space stations?
5. Anexio - March 11, 2009 12:51 PM
Its good to see that this story is getting the coverage it deserves.
This is very important news.
6. Karin - March 11, 2009 12:52 PM
What is so bad about this ? Regarding of who there parents are its actually cute, 2 little girls playing thogether. Looks pretty normal to me.
7. Jill - March 11, 2009 12:53 PM
Suri was overhead saying "Oh geez, our play date is over, here comes the Rectus Dominus."
8. Blah - March 11, 2009 12:54 PM
That doesn't look anything like Suri. She looks Japanese in that picture. OK !must have messed up. But look at those lips on Shiloh. I've never seen such big lips on a child! Guess its true that Angelina's lips are au naturel; her kid is living proof.
9. Reality Check - March 11, 2009 12:54 PM
This cover is SO Photoshopped!!! That photo of Shiloh was taken a few weeks ago with mom (I remember the outfit.) You can see her left hand reaching up towards mom. OK Magazine is worse than the Enquirer!!!
10. Valerie - March 11, 2009 12:56 PM
I liked all the jokes, actually. My own position is that I feel sorry for kids growing up in the spotlight--does all that money make it worth it? Maybe, maybe not.
The duck joke--touche!
Seriously though Shiloh is probably going to be beautiful.
11. FRIST!!! - March 11, 2009 12:56 PM
Yeah, they're cute/not cute...whatever.
I decided what I want for my birthday. SOCKS WITHOUT HOLES
Yeah...that would be nice..
12. Jane Goody - March 11, 2009 12:58 PM
Shiloh looks like Brad. Very cute even though she looks like a boy.
13. Michael McClendon - March 11, 2009 12:58 PM
Look, somebody's got to say it - Shiloh's got some serious cock-sucking lips.
14. daisy - March 11, 2009 1:00 PM
@ #9 - so you're telling me its FAKE!!!??????
15. neverbackdown - March 11, 2009 1:01 PM
You can tell because the shadows are all wrong!
16. Father Time - March 11, 2009 1:05 PM
Frist I am coming for you old woman prepare yourself.
17. The Geekologie Writer - March 11, 2009 1:06 PM
I can back him up on the nudie bar thing, I was there. You just can't beat a $5 t-bone lunch special.
18. UMMMMM - March 11, 2009 1:07 PM
Seriously are both these children retarded? I mean I'm as retarded and slow as they come but shit at least you can't tell it just by looking at me!
19. The Geekologie Writer - March 11, 2009 1:07 PM
I can back him up on the whole nudie bar thing, I was there. You just can't beat a $5 t-bone lunch special. Or was it roast beef? HIYO!
20. FRIST!!! - March 11, 2009 1:11 PM
#16, fine just bring socks..
21. FIRST AKA GODDESS KARI I LOVE YOU - March 11, 2009 1:11 PM
GODDESS KARI IS SMOKE'N HOT. ALL THE HOLELESS SOX YOU CAN HANDLE SEXY
22. anonymous - March 11, 2009 1:16 PM
Wow, do you people realize how sick and evil you sound? Wonder how you'd feel if your little kid/sibling is talked about like that.
23. BRAD GET LOST - March 11, 2009 1:16 PM
lets party Kari.
24. nipolian - March 11, 2009 1:17 PM
Is it just me or is there a scary resemblance between Suri and this:
http://lacryptedelaterreur.com/images/WANTED/damien/DAMIEN%20PETIT%20(3).jpg
25. Dr. Phil - March 11, 2009 1:19 PM
Suri already has the bitter angry expression she'll wear her whole life because her dad hates her for being a girl.
26. J - March 11, 2009 1:21 PM
I don't think the cover's meant to be a photo of the actual playdate. Isn't it just shopped to resemble what a playdate would look like?
27. I love KARI - March 11, 2009 1:22 PM
I'm in love with you
28. Jrz - March 11, 2009 1:29 PM
So Suri is a control freak. Don't quite....know where....she'd get that characteristic trait....*throws dart at Tom Cruise picture.* And HOLY MOSES wouldja get a load of that NECK on that kid? VERY alien looking.
Anyhoo..the cover..obviously photoshopped
29. I love KARI - March 11, 2009 1:33 PM
Speak to me Kari! Goddess what do you need from me on this special day
30. Jackson - March 11, 2009 1:33 PM
I hope these two innocent chidren do not grow up to be the next Paris Herpes and Kim Kardaskank!
31. Tom Cruise - March 11, 2009 1:36 PM
My daddy used to punish me by telling me I was a girl. He used to make me wear dresses...pretty, pretty dresses.
32. testing - March 11, 2009 1:38 PM
Um if they are going to photoshop two pics together they could have done a better job.
Is that even Suri? that doesnt look like her at all
33. GuyHolly - March 11, 2009 1:39 PM
Was Travolta's dead son there?
34. FRIST!!! - March 11, 2009 1:39 PM
#29 - just some socks. And maybe a kind word or two. Along with a big salty semen snack.
35. Parker - March 11, 2009 1:40 PM
the one on the left looks like a gypsy baby but the other one has the hallmarks of a future cutie-pie.
36. groan - March 11, 2009 1:44 PM
Travolta was there and he said that, in honor of his late son, the girls should "seize the day."
37. Original Girl - March 11, 2009 1:44 PM
Wow holy god those two are adorable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1i5FB-McQqA
38. feckless - March 11, 2009 1:45 PM
Smart money is on Shiloh. She already plays with knives and has several third world siblings who've got her back.
39. Jimbo - March 11, 2009 1:47 PM
Happy Birthday FRIST. I just bought some new socks, so I can send you some of them.. I got one of those 50 packs of tube socks from Costco..
40. Ted - March 11, 2009 1:50 PM
Shiloh's siblings are psyched because under the new Obama rules, she has to give all her toys to them.
41. FRIST!!! - March 11, 2009 1:53 PM
Awww, thanks Jimbo, tube socks sound wonderful. It is like 4 degrees here.
#34 is a troll, but a funny one, HAHAHA
xoxoxoxoxo
42. feckless - March 11, 2009 1:54 PM
And didn't Tom and Brad have a fight last year over who got the first Ducatti? Tom did so Brad bought a Harley...
43. Jimbo - March 11, 2009 1:57 PM
The semen snack did not sound like you.. How are things in the Artic circle? Did you get a job?
44. sam - March 11, 2009 1:58 PM
#30 -- you took the words right off of my keyboard except I was debating on who to put with Paris.
This is a rare picture where you can actually see one of Suri's eyes. With all the money Tom Cruise has, you would think they could get her bangs trimmed or at least maybe a cute little barrette. Or maybe they are growing them out so she can be hidden like Blanket but without the blanket.
Hopefully the Brad and Katie genes will have some effect as they seem like the more normal/stable types in this equation. What if Tom and Angelina reproduced together? Now THAT would be some evil spawn. Her lips and his menacing leer, with a controlling nature that is off the charts? Yikes.
45. juniper - March 11, 2009 2:01 PM
katies got tommys balls on a platter. what a cute little mr. mom he makes!!
46. FRIST!!! - March 11, 2009 2:02 PM
Yeah.....semen snack is not in my vocabulary, nor is anything racist. It is freaking freezing here, and no I have not found a job yet. I am waiting to hear back from this company I interviewed with.
So now I'm sure somebody is going to say "get off this site and use email"
Well, fuck off, I use Friendster.
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48. mamamiasweetpeaches - March 11, 2009 2:07 PM
When I saw this picture I thought they were dressed up to look like a bride and a groom.
Then I remembered...Shiloh is a girl
Wouldnt it just be a kick if these two ended up hooking up and getting married?
Stranger shit has happened!
49. USE EMAIL - March 11, 2009 2:11 PM
USE EMAIL FIRST OR YOU WILL BE EATING MY SALTY SEMEN SNACK LIKE IT OR NOT. YOU FREAK I KNOW YOU WOULD LOVE IT
50. FRIST!!! - March 11, 2009 2:55 PM
#49 mom??
51. USE EMAIL - March 11, 2009 3:09 PM
YES IT IS ME MOMMY.
52. Rough Daddy - March 11, 2009 3:15 PM
Cant wait till these 2 pull a lilo and sam at age 17...I know shilow has it in her blood...
53. kevin - March 11, 2009 3:33 PM
Did they make those kids faces with the same technology they use for "If they Mated" on Conan?
54. el ces - March 11, 2009 4:00 PM
They're cute.
55. Guest - March 11, 2009 4:36 PM
Shiloh is such a gorgeous baby!!!
She's going to look just like her mama,
maybe even more beautiful with
that hair. Suri has crazy parents and
is ugly compared to Shiloh.
56. Lowlands - March 11, 2009 5:21 PM
I almost can't believe this! Is this photoshopped!? Brilliant piece of work! Well done!
57. Sauron - March 11, 2009 5:26 PM
Marriage baby boom?!
58. Lowlands - March 11, 2009 5:30 PM
I would reward these kids with 8 minutes free shopping! Lots of snacks and drinks=throw party!
59. Darth - March 11, 2009 5:37 PM
It's obvious! Brad is the father of these two!
60. Sickitten - March 11, 2009 5:37 PM
They both resemble FAS children.
61. NxIxCxKxMxAxNx - March 11, 2009 5:56 PM
Apocalypse, now?
62. Fati - March 11, 2009 6:40 PM
Shiloh is so cute. Looks both like mom and dad. Too bad she will grow up to be a worthless spoiled skank :(
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64. Joel Rifkin - March 11, 2009 7:47 PM
It's fucking 'shopped.
65. Anon - March 12, 2009 12:20 AM
Not Suri.
66. duh - March 12, 2009 1:58 AM
ok first off shiloh is cute. second that is suri and third if anyone cared to read the caption at the bottom of the magazine it says suri picked out the DRESSES they wore so obviously the cover is not showing the actual playdate it is just showing the two of them
67. gerard vandenberg - March 12, 2009 2:15 AM
INDEED, under water, folks!!
68. Nella - March 12, 2009 2:35 AM
LMAO at the edit!!!!
69. v tard - March 12, 2009 9:12 AM
HAHAHA seconded.
Loved the link to the creepy twins.
70. v tard - March 12, 2009 9:13 AM
HAHAHA seconded.
Loved the link to the creepy twins.
71. v tard - March 12, 2009 9:13 AM
HAHAHA seconded.
Loved the link to the creepy twins.
72. Dr Phowstus - March 12, 2009 9:23 AM
#2, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#9, You're one magazine clipping taped to a dingy basement wall away from being a stalker.
73. MartÃn - March 12, 2009 5:29 PM
I cannot wait until we see this couple on the cover of Hustler!
74. DanBob - March 12, 2009 6:49 PM
OK...so we are stupid cause the photo is seriously photoshopped & who cares anyway?
75. TORI SPELLING - March 14, 2009 4:11 AM
They look GAY
shilo looks like the butch
it will be funny when they Out themselves
and piss off Tom C
and Angelina
HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
76. Yvonne Siekirk - September 14, 2009 8:26 PM
The comment at the top really got to me. The children are not ugly nor does God make mistakes were He to shape an ugly child in the womb. American society is too hung up on the MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL, "Who is the fairest of them all?" Beauty is not only a great asset, it is a great liability. When everything is handed to a beauty on a silver platter without their really suffering for it; arrogance sets in...whereas the unattractive is continually humiliated and made to be humble. And humilility is not for sale in the marketplace. Check out THE MASTER's website at Life is hid dot com for a real understanding of what is going on in this world on just about every subject.