Suri Cruise kicks the economy's ass, says Forbes.com
Economy gotcha down? Suri Cruise'll make it all better. The adorable half-pint, who may or may not be the product of L. Ron Hubbard's frozen man-goo, sent the Internet a flutter today when it was revealed she topped Forbes.com "Hollywood's 10 Hottest Tots" list. Turns out during these times of financial woes, folks just can't get enough of a miniature Katie Holmes:
But as the economy heads toward what many predict is a recession, these adorable kids--and the desire to chronicle their upbringings--may become more important than ever. Simply put, fawning over celebrities and their picturesque families may be just the sort of distraction people need.
Dina Sansing, entertainment director for Us Weekly agrees:"It's much more fun to look at cute pictures of Suri," she says, "than think about how much your 401(k) has decreased."
Suri's first place ranking on the list comes from strong performances across the board. She earned the top spot for public awareness, received more blog mentions than any other Tinseltown kiddie and was referenced in more than 1,300 news articles.
Here's the complete list of high-powered spawns:
1. Suri Cruise
2. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt
4. Pax Jolie-Pitt
5. Sam Alexis Woods
6. Cruz Beckham
7. Matilda Rose Ledger
8. David Banda
9. Sean Preston Federline
10. Sam Sheen
Ha! Denise Richard's daughter lost to Britney Spears' kid - and it wasn't even the cute one! I'd love to be a fly on their wall when that news hit.
DENISE: Sam, I'm very disappointed in you.
SAM: I'm sowwy, mama.
DENISE: You did a very bad thing. Jesus, that little boy's parents are practically brother and sister.
SAM: Yes, mama.
DENISE: We should probably stage a press conference and say it was your father's fault.
SAM: Daddy puts sugar in his nose to give him happy thoughts.
DENISE: Okay, good. You remembered your lines.
Reader Comments
1. mimi - November 19, 2008 2:24 PM
FISH-HEAD SUCKS!
2. mimi - November 19, 2008 2:26 PM
Where are all the hard hitting news stories FISH-NUTZ has been trying to cover?
Top 10 Hollywood tots!
RIVETING!
3. b - November 19, 2008 2:27 PM
suri sucks, and so do her crazyass parents.
4. Erica - November 19, 2008 2:32 PM
Asian kids are pretty cute.
5. CarmelMum - November 19, 2008 2:37 PM
Why don't they learn how to dress her? Her dresses are too long and the poor kid needs some socks. That haircut is dreadful! Poor kid doesn't stand a chance with batshit crazy, Scientology, ill-bred parents.
6. dork - November 19, 2008 2:41 PM
Who's that boy holding Suri?
7. Question - November 19, 2008 2:53 PM
you can this little girls is a totally whiny pain-in-the-ass that wants everything. You always see her with her in-the-closet parents treating her like she's platinum wrapped in skin. fuck this little b**ch. anyone else feel like giving her a fat knuckle sandwich to the face?
8. Billy - November 19, 2008 2:56 PM
and why do her lips look they've come down with the clap? her parents need to step up and find out who she's been blowin. hopefully it's not good old dad.
9. Jeezy - November 19, 2008 3:02 PM
Stupid.
Also, five of the top ten kids have stupid names. Come on Hollywood!
10. Rough Daddy - November 19, 2008 3:03 PM
Why do you we all have to be diaper sniffers cause the economy is down? stay focus folks...
11. Whatever - November 19, 2008 3:13 PM
#7, no, no I don't. Jealous much? She's just a kid. Leave her the fuck alone.
Seriously, what's with the obsession about celebrities' kids? They really aren't all that exciting...
12. Sportsdvl - November 19, 2008 3:14 PM
Why would anyone want pics or news about these little spoiled brats?? It's one thing to watch grown up celebs to make fun of them or watch their "wardrobe malfunctions" but these talentless little kids are just lucky to be born to rich people.
13. Chocolate Rain - November 19, 2008 3:15 PM
Asian kid is Asian.
14. p0nk - November 19, 2008 3:19 PM
i just donated my daughters shoes to salvation army last week. glad to see they found a good home.
TCLTC
15. Seriously... - November 19, 2008 3:22 PM
So they're offering up pictures nobody gives a crap about as a cure to losing all your money?
To the writer over at Forbes.com:
You're an idiot. Please do not breed. Give back your degree in Communications or Journalism or whatever and jump off a cliff.
Sincerely,
Everyone
16. Question - November 19, 2008 3:31 PM
#11, totally jealous. I wish I had a father that liked to dress my mother up like a dude and then made me dress up to look just like my dudeish mom
17. lola - November 19, 2008 3:54 PM
suri's legs are desperately short, even for a child.
18. erica - November 19, 2008 4:05 PM
She's got cankles. Just saying.
19. gotmilk? - November 19, 2008 4:15 PM
that's weird, i don't give a shit about any of those kids.
20. that is - November 19, 2008 4:20 PM
one ugly ass kid!
21. Andrea - November 19, 2008 4:21 PM
y'all are mean, but to add to the shitfest... c'mon, aren't suri's eyes crossed? They are so wonky in every picture I see of her.
22. Missy - November 19, 2008 4:24 PM
Why isn't Violet Affleck on that list???
23. e-rock - November 19, 2008 4:25 PM
Now thats funny shit Fish!!!! See, you can be more clever than "here's another set of boobies!". Come on, THIS is why we come to this site!!
Thank you Superficial, that was hysterical.
24. will - November 19, 2008 4:43 PM
Violet Affleck is hideous.
25. KB - November 19, 2008 4:52 PM
Notice mom and the guy in the back drop are dressed for cold weather, yet the girl has no jacket and is bare legged. Nice.
26. zuzuspetals - November 19, 2008 5:06 PM
With genuine interest in Suri's future well-being in mind, I'm hoping she has an enlightened aunt or grandparent in her life who will pull her aside and let her know she's really not that special.
27. Christopher - November 19, 2008 5:08 PM
What a weird little mutant... You can definitely see L. Ron in her jaw, though.
28. NY Ted - November 19, 2008 5:08 PM
Geez...the squirt is almost as tall as her "fake" dad already!
I'm no gene expert...but I don't see no Tiny Tom Thumb in her face!
But I did look up an old picture of L. Ron Hubbard....SPITTIN' IMAGE!
29. Not from TCLTC - November 19, 2008 6:00 PM
Is it just me, or does this kid look more and more like Chris Klein the older she gets....?
30. supersex - November 19, 2008 6:23 PM
was she beaten with an ugly stick?
now i know why animals sometimes eat their young
31. 28 - November 19, 2008 6:26 PM
what an uglyyyyyyy kid. no, it's fugly. ughh.
32. Chauncey Gardner - November 19, 2008 6:28 PM
Jesus fuck! That kid looks like Tom Cruise's ugly cousin, William Mapother ("Ethan" on the first season of LOST)!
33. Norris - November 19, 2008 6:28 PM
Is it just me, or does Suri look like a female version of Damien from "The Omen"?
34. Retarded Noodle - November 19, 2008 6:31 PM
If she were my kid, then i'd dress her up in a dog suit and put her to sleep forever.
35. Chauncey Gardner - November 19, 2008 6:44 PM
The real father (remove the spaces):
http://ww w.imdb.com/name/nm054461 1/
36. Meanmofo - November 19, 2008 7:05 PM
Sorry, that kid is freaky looking!!
37. zsa - November 19, 2008 7:36 PM
I think she's adorable. She's one lucky lil kid though, and I hope she doesn't grow up to be a spoiled bitch.
Seriously though, what the fuck is up with Katie Holmes? Didn't she used to be hot? I know she now has access to more money than God, but that doesn't give her an excuse to look like this. If anything that gives her more of an obligation to look better than the rest of us schlumps.
She needs to grow out her hair too. Sheesh...Ok, I'm done.
FK&S!!!
zsa
38. Chauncey Gardner - November 19, 2008 9:04 PM
Suri will, at best - AT BEST - grow up to look like Linda Hunt, or the little costume designer lady from 'THE INCREDIBLES'. But, more than likely, she's gonna grow up to look like that Spartan hunchback in '300' who couldn't even fit a normal-sized helmet over his large, malformed, chronically ugly dome. And it doesn't matter how much money Tom throws at this problem. Sean McNamara and Christian Troy couldn't even fix this mess.
39. Miss Brown Eyes - November 19, 2008 9:31 PM
You have to laugh... here these famous people call up the media for a photo-op for their UNfamous children and the friggin' NANNY (the black woman behind Katie & Suri in picture 4 with the duffel bag) has to be along just to try and top that 1,300 "news articles" (1,297 of which was reports on when the kid took a dump in her Pampers).
40. dew - November 19, 2008 9:56 PM
@5 CarmelMum is SO right!
That little girl is probably as cute as a button, but it's so difficult to see any cuteness behind her FUGLY haircut! It's not uprising, because look at her mother's hair, all old looking before she's even 30. Next Katie will be dressing the both of them in long straight khaki skirts.
41. dew - November 19, 2008 10:01 PM
Darn, I forgot to add: Violet Affleck is the cutest of all celeb kids, evah!
And her mom is naturally pretty, and can kick some butt (when she's not pregnant)!
42. Ted from LA - November 19, 2008 10:50 PM
#34,
Sick, but funny. I would never, however, make fun of an ugly kid, even if her dad is a gay Scientologist.
43. Astrid - November 20, 2008 6:09 AM
She's cross-eyed.
44. 1moreidiotintheworld - November 20, 2008 6:48 AM
It's those eyes!!! Those fucking, alien eyes!!!!! They stare at you and subliminally command you to seek her out every where, and buy everything that has her picture!!!!!! She speaks in my head at night, whispering some scratchy martian dialect, telling me to convert to Scientology and worship her and her alien father!!!!!!!! Where's the aluminum foil???? I gotta go wrap up my head again..........
45. Watti McDonald - November 20, 2008 7:14 AM
The fact that this list even exists is an indication of the extreme mental retardation of popular culture.
So now we are comparing and ranking innocents and assigning value and worth to them before they have a chance to grow and become something.
Lovely.
46. Lisa - November 20, 2008 10:18 AM
this kid never has a coat on-her parents do all the time. how could they not put a coat on her. I read somewhere she doesnt like to wear a coat, she prefers the blanket. Any parent in their right mind would force a coat on her especially in NYC-
47. Lisa - November 20, 2008 10:18 AM
this kid never has a coat on-her parents do all the time. how could they not put a coat on her. I read somewhere she doesnt like to wear a coat, she prefers the blanket. Any parent in their right mind would force a coat on her especially in NYC-
48. Lisa - November 20, 2008 10:18 AM
this kid never has a coat on-her parents do all the time. how could they not put a coat on her. I read somewhere she doesnt like to wear a coat, she prefers the blanket. Any parent in their right mind would force a coat on her especially in NYC-
49. ThisListSucks - November 20, 2008 12:13 PM
#11 STFU. That is so high school saying jealous much. Anyways, yes, Violet Affleck should have been near the top of that list and Mandonna's ugly kid shouldn't have even been on it.
50. hatedie - November 20, 2008 2:40 PM
Someone from CPC (children's protective services) should note that this kid is NEVER dressed warmly enough for the weather. Her dull-brained mother is always layered, coated and booted, but this little one strolls the winter streets of NY in bare legs and short sleeves. Poor little match girl, indeed.
51. Donna - November 20, 2008 3:16 PM
I just want to know....why the hell won't they buy her a coat?!?!?
52. Just_As_it_IS - November 20, 2008 4:14 PM
She'll look like that old lady from "Throw Mama off the Train" when she's old. She's butt ugly if you ask me.
53. Kate - November 20, 2008 5:46 PM
She has the face of a "little person". At least in that first picture.
That's was PC, right? "Little person"?
54. redsonja1313 - November 20, 2008 7:45 PM
WOW..... Maddox didn't make the cut either
55. adriana - November 21, 2008 2:10 AM
Has anyone noticed that Suri's always wearing those golden shoes? No matter the time the picture is taken, no matter what she's wearing for cloths, she's always having on those shoes!!! I find it strange, really...and I think she is a beautiful child, the pubblicity she gets makes her ugly and unloveable!
56. anna - November 23, 2008 5:14 AM
Is it too early to say she'll be needing a nose job??
57. missdk - November 23, 2008 10:54 PM
she is such an adorable child and her mother obviously adores her.
58. Blitz - March 11, 2010 8:40 PM
NO fucking way katie holmes is gonna stay married to Tom Cruise!
Every woman he's been with sooner or later wise up to his freak religion views and goofy behavior.