Apr 28 2008Amy Winehouse is a sexaholic *HORF*
The recently freed Amy Winehouse (Yep, the cops just warned her to keep her face to herself) apparently has another addiction besides booze, blow, popsicles, magazines, McDonald's french fries, ballet slippers and smoking crack with cats. Our girl Amy likes to do it. A lot. I'll give you a minute to quickly clear your thoughts and think about something less gross. Like witnessing natural child birth. Anyway, Amy hasn't exactly been the faithful wife and is somehow managing to find live men willing to see her naked, according to The Sun:
The friend said: “It’s funny how she bedded the last two people who have been helping to look after her. Amy is sex-mad — and she gets what she wants.”
The Sun revealed on Saturday how Amy plans to divorce hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL — who is behind bars on remand on assault and trial fixing charges. But she had been unable to face telling the junkie about her affair with ALEX HAINES — her manager’s aide. A source said yesterday: “In all honesty they think The Sun has done them a favour. It was getting harder to keep the affair under wraps.”
Surprisingly, this morning People is corroborated The Sun's story that Amy and Blake are eventually headed towards Splitsville. Trust me, I guarantee nobody's more stunned than the folks at the The Sun:
"It is a tough situation," the insider added, responding to British reports of the union's demise. "[I] don't think that anyone who knows them and cares about them doesn't have an opinion about why they should [split], but it's not happening now."
So, basically, if you run into a drunk Amy Winehouse you're faced with either two outcomes: Get headbutted in the face or have sex with her. If it were me, I'd go for Secret Option #3: Hand Amy a knife and tell her there's a balloon full of coke in my belly. Then I'll simply walk away after she completely misses and stabs a parking meter - across the street.
Reader Comments
1. LOL - April 28, 2008 1:26 PM
First...
2. jrz - April 28, 2008 1:27 PM
Jesus......Auchwitz Chic gone amok.
3. jakebarnes - April 28, 2008 1:27 PM
She's addicted to sexahol.
4. George Washington - April 28, 2008 1:29 PM
At least you saved this one for after lunch....
5. LOLBBQWTF - April 28, 2008 1:30 PM
God......this bitch is SO fugly.
6. Beav - April 28, 2008 1:36 PM
More heebs!
7. George Bush - April 28, 2008 1:37 PM
My nuts just disappeared up into me, I think they are scared.
8. squirrel - April 28, 2008 1:38 PM
What if she headbutts me AND THEN has sex with me?
I can't control him. Especially when I'm knocked out.
9. Bill Clinton - April 28, 2008 1:39 PM
I'd do her she's hotter than Hillary!
Hey Amy meet me out in the wood house I'm there most of the time.
10. Barf - April 28, 2008 1:39 PM
Imagine the smell and the rancicity of that vag.
11. Jrz - April 28, 2008 1:39 PM
Beav: More like HEEBie Jeebies.
12. poonmoon - April 28, 2008 1:39 PM
Well at least she can't snort sex, but I bet she's tried.
That's how she got that horrible posture.
Anyway it's good to see Jerry Seinfeld trying new things, I was begining to think he was a one trick pony.
13. Bill Clinton - April 28, 2008 1:40 PM
I'd do her she's hotter than Hillary!
Hey Amy meet me out in the wood shed I'm there most of the time.
14. Clem - April 28, 2008 1:41 PM
I really wish I had not read that article.
15. Sara - April 28, 2008 1:43 PM
Oh god, i almost threw up
16. swweets - April 28, 2008 1:44 PM
do u think she would remember anyone screwing her ?
17. Jumpin_J - April 28, 2008 1:46 PM
Oh god, you HAD to post it during my lunch break. Get me a bucket...
18. Gia - April 28, 2008 1:49 PM
Amy can probably obtain multiple orgasms quickly and non stop like me and so I can understand her addiction to sex.
19. squirrel - April 28, 2008 1:49 PM
You know what? Fuck it. If she gets checked and is disease free, I'm in.
20. eh - April 28, 2008 1:49 PM
thats shit is to funny
i want the change from the parking meter haha
21. veggi - April 28, 2008 1:50 PM
looks like people have been throwin rocks in morse code at her..
22. squirrel - April 28, 2008 1:50 PM
I would just stare at the pin-up girl on her arm and pretend I'm having sex with her.
23. lipper - April 28, 2008 1:51 PM
She must have like Dracula's ability to put you in a trance THEN jumps you without you even knowing what happened. Until your dick starts to drip and burn. You'll think for a moment and laugh, "Oh yeah, I bet Amy fucked me!"
How could any guy work one out while screwing her!? I knew guys would screw a light socket for kicks, but this is truly perverted.
24. Beav - April 28, 2008 1:52 PM
Sarah Jean should give her some Fashionable Housewife tips.
25. BA_Baracus - April 28, 2008 1:58 PM
I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board, Amy
26. hanshotfirst - April 28, 2008 2:02 PM
Ha, excellent #25. And... probably true. From a mile away.
27. Jrz - April 28, 2008 2:10 PM
Fashion Tip from SJTLQ:
To hide the track marks, I bought some used Mederma on Craig's List! It's also good for diaper rash.
28. Beav - April 28, 2008 2:14 PM
Someone put her back in the oven, she isn't done yet.
29. DragonBoy - April 28, 2008 2:16 PM
When did someone create a real life banshee?
30. BA_Baracus - April 28, 2008 2:22 PM
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
31. hanshotfirst - April 28, 2008 2:31 PM
I have a bad feeling about this...
32. Hecubus - April 28, 2008 2:38 PM
Amy - 'Blake, I'm so sorry'
Blake - 'What is it darling ?'
Amy - 'Well Blake, I'm leaving you'
Blake - 'WHOOO HOOOOOO !!! .... oh, uhhhh sorry. That's really .... sad ?'
Amy - 'I'm sorry Blake, I really am. It's just that I've met someone new. You'd like him really, you're very similar to each other. He has that medical condition that makes him throw up and cry while having sex too'
Blake - 'Oh well, visiting time's over. You go have fun baby, I want you to be happy.'
-Amy leaves in tears-
Blake - 'Okay, that's a wrap people. She's gone, you can drop the act. I want to thank you all for your help over the last few months and you should receive your cheques through your acting agencies within two to three weeks.'
33. Elliot_Spitz_On_Her - April 28, 2008 2:59 PM
Proof positive that some people will fuck anything. I bet her cooter is so dry, it feels like it has teeth...
34. FRIST!!! - April 28, 2008 3:03 PM
#4 Not where I am...
Fuck it, I'm skipping lunch today. I could probably stand to lose a couple of pounds anyway....thanks a lot FISH!!
35. Auntie Kryst - April 28, 2008 4:20 PM
I don't see what's so wrong with this. As long as this hideous limey skank keeps hooking up with hideous looking limey men like her husband, it's good for all of us. It's sort of like fighting terrorism "over there" so it doesn't reach our shores..
36. BunnyButt - April 28, 2008 4:49 PM
Sexahol! I want me some o' that!
37. Evil - April 28, 2008 6:27 PM
I'd fuck her, she probably give head like a maniac
38. Madman - April 28, 2008 6:45 PM
@Evil
She'll need every calorie from your spunk. It looks like we can scratch french fries off her addiction list. She looks like she's in the initial stages of anorexia. Either that or she's discover the wonders of methamphetamine.
39. Do_FreeBird - April 28, 2008 7:08 PM
nice prison tats
40. Sick and Confused - April 28, 2008 7:37 PM
Just throw talcum powder on your body and pretend that you're a mound of cocaine, "Blow me! Blow me!"
41. GTBurns - April 28, 2008 7:39 PM
Fact that people are having sex with Amy Winehouse is far more shocking than the Vanity Fair Miley Photo spread. I say people because at this point she probably swings both ways, at the same time too.
42. lambman - April 28, 2008 7:58 PM
Hmmmm, a singer who writes songs about being an addict/alcoholic and cheating on her man turns out to be an addict/alcoholic who cheats on her man.
are we supposed to pretend to be suprised by this?
shut up and sing
43. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong - April 28, 2008 8:10 PM
Ugh...she is just so fugly. I'd rather place my salami on the griddle at Mickey D's and apply a belt sander to it before sticking it in the disease-riddled maw that is her vagina. Or mangina. Or whatever the hell that thing is.
44. Jaffo - April 28, 2008 8:57 PM
...speechless, just fucking speechless...
45. lisabeller - April 28, 2008 9:13 PM
She is ever a member of a millionair club " M I L L I O N A I R E L O V E R.C O M " where the millionaire & celebrity gather! But now she is kicked out.
46. Hannah T - April 28, 2008 9:38 PM
Amy
Eat something, eat something, eat something, eat something. While sober.
47. Frank Lucas' Bitch - April 29, 2008 1:15 AM
She really needs to eat, she looks horrible and anorexic. She's really not that bad looking and she's very talented, HOWEVER, she needs to change her horrible hair, clean up, get clear skin, fix her horrible teeth, stop doing drugs, and EAT. FOOD. YES, EAT FOOD. Then maybe then she will look more or less human or even attractive.
48. Famous Plastic - April 29, 2008 1:15 AM
Meth makes you horny, so NOT a big surprise that Amy likes to fuck...
49. ho - April 29, 2008 1:30 AM
That alone is enough to turn me celibate for life. Fuck even the fugly over the hill Madonna looks better than this atrocious bitch.
50. edgar suit - April 29, 2008 3:04 AM
......her singing is retched but I bet she'd look hot if I was on a three day crack binge.............
51. Racer X - April 29, 2008 9:47 AM
Zombies in England.
/she should make a movie
52. horny - July 16, 2008 2:53 PM
id do her....id do her good
53. horny - July 16, 2008 2:54 PM
id do her....id do her good