Nov 28 2007Christina Aguilera desperately needs maternity clothes

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Christina Aguilera graces the cover of the latest issue of Marie Claire magazine in nothing but a leather jacket. Awesome, right? I mean, if you ignore the growing child in her Photoshopped belly. Christina talked to the magazine about her magical journey carrying Sasquatch’s child:

On trying to conceive with Jordan Bratman:
"We were planning on starting to try after the [Nov. 2006-May 2007 Back to Basics] tour. And so, I had gone off the Pill to prepare my body, because I didn't know how much time it would take. You've heard it takes some time – except with Power Egg and Super Sperm here.”

On secretly wearing a heart monitor during her concerts:
"I didn't want to make the audience uncomfortable, like, 'Pregnant lady onstage! Is she going to be okay?' But I had to announce it to my band and my dancers, because I wanted to make sure they had my back."

On Paris Hilton letting the cat out of the bag:
“Because I hadn't said anything, people thought I was trying to keep it this big, bad secret, and that's not the case at all. I just wasn't commenting. I'm not being like, 'Hey, everybody, I'm pregnant!' I'm not that girl."

For all you female readers, I hope you’re empowered by this tale of pregnant stuff and clandestine heart monitors. In the meantime, I can’t stop thinking about Christina Aguilera referring to Jordan Bratman as “Super Sperm.” If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to remedy this situation by stepping outside and putting my face in front of a moving vehicle. Hopefully, the driver isn’t stricken by my natural beauty and doesn’t swerve into a building taking his/her own life instead. I swear it happens every goddamn time I leave the house.

Photos: Marie Claire

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Nice belly

first!

FIRST!

most pregnant women are hot, she, however isn't.

yuck!

me like.....

Very hot chic

That's photoshopped. It's Christina's head on Britney's body..

Gee, never saw THIS coming...Thanks, Christina, but Demi already wrecked it for me! ...Wonder what she got paid for THAT cover. Any ideas?

Darn it! I need to move faster next time -- then again, why bother.

SUPER SPERM. AAHAHHAHAHA. all i can imagine are little sperms with that guys face on them.

EWWWW! Who knew trannies could get pregnant? She looks RIDICULOUS. They must've run out of orange makeup trying to make her whole body match that drag-queen face.

Why is she so fat?

Fuck me sideways with a shovel! Why in the hell does the second picture look so goddamn weird?!

where's the stretch marks??? its good to have photoshop!

@13- no shit!! she's like a flying giant pixie..no...she's like a... GAWD! I don't know!! It scares me though..

gonna be one ugly little jew baby.

Gross...

LAST!

/she looks good prego.
//fo reals

i love how she doesn't want to brag about being pregnant then she gets naked with her bay bump for a mag seen in grocery stores, newsstands, and libraries all over the world, no, she's not an attention whore.

EEEEYYYYEEEEEWWWWWW! imagine screwing jordan ratface!!! yeeeeeeuuuch! i can't think of anything that would turn me off more!

Ugghhh

#14 - Idiot. You don't get stretch marks until after you're deflated. Jeez!!

She's still ugly as fuck since the last post. Fake-assed overbearing, showboating ugly preggeo asswipe chownmask who can't stay away from the bleach bottle no matter how pregnant she is.

And don't remind be that she is a natural blonde, because she's not THAT blonde, OKAY!

it's not as bad as I thought it'd be.

Oh, #2, and 3, you're both losers.

3 - Yo, ankle biter, you are such a hack.

Just threw up everything from an entire week.

@23- - Not only the bleach bottle, the Fug Fake also wears blue color contacts.

Shallow Val! You need a drink, don't ya!!! Here, since FRIST is slacking, I made "painkillers" for everyone!!!!!..

Aww. They really tried here. She's no Demi. (or Bruce).
Can't decide which is more putrid-her self-crowning Mrs. UberFertile or those swollen pregnant feet stuffed into spikes.

Thats disgusting. She looks hideous. This seriously grossed me out. How completly classless. I'm so sick of these pregnant celebs that decide now is the right time to pose nude. She thinks she's all sexy; she just looks gross. And her bleached out beyond belief yellow, green tinged hair just tops it off. Like when a girl with completly damaged and bleached out hair goes into a pool with chlorine... Just lovely. Not only that, but you know the pics were photoshopped beyond belief to make her figure look better. I'm so freakin sick of photoshop; lets see the real deal people. And "power egg & super sperm", huh? Yich, gross me out some more. Thinking of her & her hubby going at it makes me want to heave. Oh, and as she said, "I'm not that girl" I don't go around announcing I'm pregnant. No, I'm the other girl...the one who goes and poses naked in a magazine when I'm preggers instead. What a tool. ...Okay, where's all my rage coming from? I don't know why, but this really pissed me off. Okay, much better now, thank you.

I think Christina looks gorgeous here..in the fully naked pic she looks so happ!1 thats what pregnant women are supposed to look like..thats what makes them beautiful..
i think its become the thing for mags to get pregnant women to get naked.. they must think it looks great or sells well..and i think that the people who have done it have looked nice. even britney looked good in her shoot.
i dont think demi or britney looked as happy in their shoots as Xtina does here..so good for her!
people keep saying "oh she wouldnt talk about it and now she'll show it off" ..well maybe now that the attention is there she's realized she may as well embrace it and show it off and just be happy and discuss it..i bet you people will ask her barely anything else about her life right now.
thats my rant..i think she looks amazing.

That is the ugliest shade of fucking fake blonde I've ever seen. Looks like a lemon meringe pie (to all the dummies "meringe" is pronounced MER-RANG)

She is such a bleccch!

i dont remember this momma to be every wearing more then two pieces of clothing on a magazine cover. not that i want that anyways. theres nothing natural about her. im over the porn look that hollywood/media/music industry/& so on keeps throwing at us.

your rite veggi. Either I'm ovulating or I'm pissed because I need to get laid. I don't know but here's my cup, fill it up.

(swallows a painkiller with an apple martini)

Errr, no #30. Most pregnant women actually resemble the rest of the human race. Christina looks way out there

29 - I like your style. Meet me behind the bleachers and I'll share my painkillers with you. (rattles cup)

Wait!
For!
MEEEEEEEEE!!!!
(I can't run ya'll! The ice keeps falling out of the cup!)..

Funny how they obviously put her on there to show the "Beautiful Pregnant Woman" but then photoshop the shit out of the picture so it doesn't look ugly...go America!!

ShallowVal,
I think I can help you :-o

22 - no, you are misinformed. but i love how you're so confident that you think you are 100% correct, when in fact, you are a heaping pile of stupid and wrong.

bitches today are so unoriginal. demi did this better than any of these tired copy cats.

#26 No Kidding. Hey Fish, Who's going to clean up all this vomit? If ever there was a time to put your black bars and NSFW warnings, this was it. I don't no whats more disgusting, the projectile vomit coating the entire room, or these pictures of Christina Aguilera.

Can anyone verify she is pregnant, cause Ben and Jerry's is all out of;
whiny bitchy Ice Cream.

Ugly people think this hag is cute.

TT - if I was in Texas I would be ALL OVER IT!!!!! And you KNOW this!!!!!!

39 - Bwahahahahah! OMG, (wipes away tear) NICE comback!!!!!

is there anything this has-been won't do for publicity?

Skanky, vapid whore.

Shallow Val,
Send a message to my myspace page.

#42 hahahaha

ya she should go back to brunette again

It's meringue actually, your pronunciation is correct but your spelling was off.

can you please share the painkillers? thx

Looks like she turned into a good girl.At least her back is nicely arched now.

TT - I'll do it from school cuz I can't access it from here. OOOH, I'll send you a freind invite. (claps hands rapidly)

Well, I think it's sweet. I kinda totally f'in love Christina, and it seems like she's really in love with her hubby, cause let's face it, he's fugly. So yeah, sweet love and such.

If this whole baby thing gets in the way of her wailing though, we may have a prob.

50 - OMG, I'm so embarrassed (seriously). Now I feel small and crunchy because I actually KNOW that.

51 - sure (rattles cup and holds it out to princess)

@#41-- considering I just threw up again rechecking this post, Fish is gonna have a lot of mopping to do.

@51- Lemmie see your glass Princess.sweathog!..

@50- Lemmie is intentional..

39- priceless. I wondered when somebody was gonna call that one out.

I so want to eat this girls pussy

I so want to eat this girls pussy

bob- enough people are throwing up right now.. did you get into my painkiller stash????..

Hold up. Seriously. Myspace can be accessed from your SCHOOL, but not from wherever you are right now?
What the hell? Kids shouldn't be on Myspace at school. Or this site.

In other news, damn that is one orange woman.

Anybody else got the urge to swing a baseball bat at her stomach?

35...Thanks,thats tempting, but I just popped a clownpill (clonzapam/klonopin) and I'm allll better now....ahhh; world, what world?

Nice hair color. Isn't that Clairol's "Alley Piss"?

Dear Andie,

Did you think that maybe Shallow Val was referring to SCHOOL as in a college/ grad school and not a middle school?

Hasn't everybody already done this "pregnant with hands over certain body parts" photo?

superfish, this may make people want to punch babies......wait, christina is pregnant?! No! I'm shocked and appalled! I just thought she hit the Oeros a little hard all this time....this is the sign of the [end] times right?

superfish, this may make people want to punch babies......wait, christina is pregnant?! No! I'm shocked and appalled! I just thought she hit the Oeros a little hard all this time....this is the sign of the [end] times right?

to 63 - Andie -

"College" school. I didn't want to write college because it sounds better when you write "from school" as opposed to "from college." I guess I could have said "from the computer lab."

How the fuck old do you think i am? No kid in grade school can be as clever as we are being today.

Oh and BTW, I'm an OLLLLLD College person too. Ancient. I mean like Archaic.

She's filthy, but they tried to photoshop that part out. Naked pregnant women give me the creeps. It's almost as bad as when chicks put their sonograms up on their myspace page. "Ooh, look! I have a fucking troll growing inside me!"

Here's the thing - as much as i think Demi is a worthless hag, her cover was considered cutting edge and artistic. Now when all these knocked-up celebrities do the same shit, it's played out & it has lost its edge completely. You can't even compare.

The end.

LOL @ 72

"troll growing inside" pretty much sums up my sentiments about ever having kids myself.

on a somewhat related note, I was going to take someone's sonogram picture from myspace and put it in my inlaw's christmas cards. perhaps a little too much?

#29, I completely agree with you. " I'm not being like, 'Hey, everybody, I'm pregnant!' I'm not that girl."

You're the girl who, as soon as I saw your name in the headline, I knew would be nude.

72 - LMFAO!!!!!!

wow you people are MEAN... but funny so its ok

Can you imagine the photogs having to look at her baloney sandwich while she switched positions?

(SV heaves and brings up the once delicious COSI sesame chicken sandwich she had for lunch)

When I am pregnant, the last fucking thing I'm going to feel like doing is stripping down naked in a room full of people and attempting to shift my bulk into a pose that is somewhat attractive. Pregnancy is wonderful and natural and beautiful, but perhaps not the best time for nudie shots. Granted, she looks great post-editing (except for her makeup, but then, it's Christina Aguilera) - but honestly, why would you subject yourself to this? Just stay warm and comfortable for those nine months and keep your goddamn clothes on.

gotmilk?!!!!! I'm stealing that idea for the christmas cards!! That'll shut um up!..

Thanks SV,
I just blew mexican food (sour-cream chicken enchiladas)

look at her 5 year old hands!

veggie, my husband thought it was in poor taste, like that is going to stop me. my fall back plan is the photo of inside my lower intestine from my colonoscopy i had done a few years ago.

Encheelahdahs, yum.

You think she has an innie or an outie? And I ain't talking about her belly-button either.

Outie

She's on the cover for the "Tanning, Bleaching, Botoxing - Are You Obsessed?" article...not because she's pregnant. She fell for that one, sucka.

$20 says the child comes out with a uni-brow.

She looks stunning but she needn't resort to stripping!

Shallow Val:
Point taken. *concedes thoroughly* See, I have a middle-schooler. So I get like that. Sorry.

But seriously, that is one orange woman. :)

90 - no prob. i thought it was funny. no 'pologies necesary babe!

it's lemon MERINGUE, you fucking IDIOTS!!!

and Laguilera looks like an orange baby-carrying beast

awww i feel like rubbing that pot belly

The only thing with Super Powers here was her birth control. Think of all the swimmers that were repelled over the years.

Baby shower gift: makeup kit for the baby so he/she/it can be allowed out in public.

Demi Moore did it first...but it is pretty belly.

You know, I think a pregnant woman is never more beautiful than when she looks like a stripper in a biker bar.

Jebus, Christina, lay off the bleach! And the clown makeup, but that's sort of a given at this point.

I got milk sweeetttt.......or belly

#26,
You should get to a doctor at once. I think you might have a bowel obstruction. It is a very serious matter. I think this lady with the orange head and white hair might have one too.

Sexy & Prego DO NOT GO TOGETHER AT ALL !!!

REALLY GROSS

why yo shay photoshooted hehehehhe i know the photos are better than the real look but tell me, hoe many times you wanted to be like that, do not come up hear talking aout "my natural beauty " when you think someone is Sasquatct hahhaha for sure you are ugly and this is the way of saying i am beauty, hahahhahaha but you know xtina doesnt look as she looks in the photo she looks really better because she has got an awsome personality and a beautiful soul not like you, so please just ask for a photoshop you don't need to start talking about smeone else being ugly to see if someone thinks you are beauty , oh and to hate photoshop on a web called thesuperficial is really stupid hehehehhe bye'

I don't believe pregnant women should pose nude. It's so wrong!

didnt britney do the same thing when she was preggers

Awesome... Just the picture I always wanted to see. I'm sorry folks, but pregnant women are NOT ATTRACTIVE at all... Some of them may be "cute" in all their glowing, maternal glory, but definitely NOT SEXY. ESPECIALLY not someone that's painted up like a french whore, flaunting her prego gut that's housing the love child that she concieved with Master Splinter... Or, uh, I mean "Jordie"... That's what the rat's name is, right?

pretty girl, but why the pound of make-up, what about "pregnant glow" or whatever

Oh, so here we go: Britney poses naked pregnant, and now so does Xtina. Will this bitch always fall two steps behind Ms. Spears? And for that matter who would want to follow Brit-trainwreck-ney Spears...I picture Xtina in her dark castle throwing make-up compacts at the television every time Britney's name is mentioned and the viewing public are saying "Christina who? Didn't she play Kelly Bundy on Married....With Children?".

she ghetto as hell and got a big ass nose like her baby daddy. luckily i can't see the front of her ugly ass legs in the pics. stupid spic wigger.

In the cover pic, doesn't she look like Magda from 'Something About Mary' from the neck up?

shes like the white trash where im from. britney is just like a retarded ex cheer leader who gained weight and got into drugs.this girls is like that wigger that tried to be friends with the black girls cause the white preps think shes not good enough. and her did i mention her legs are tore' up.

She looks good for someone who's pregnant... I remember how britney look when she was pregnant looking like white trailer trash.

"hate that ghetto rat face ho"

are you stupid or what?? speaking of ghetto I'm pretty sure you are as well..

This woman really is ONE BIG PILE OF DIRTY HORSESHIT, and that’s exactly what she is.
This creature uses every DIRTY trick, like fucking her own BOSSES, to get controle of people. This “pregnancy” is another trick, this makes me SICK, YAGH!!

. beautiful woman.. is she still stay with her husband.. someone posted on yahoo answers that she has an profile on an online site sugarmommymeet.com you know it is a site for rich women to seek sexy guys.. i guess it might be a joke on her!

She looks quite good.

The Photoshop Technology Company, of Cambridge, MA, has not yet invented a version of Photoshop powerful enough to make a pregnant Christina Aguilera look attractive.

She's retarded. Everyone knows that you are extremely fertile after you come off the pill.

she is pretty.

gorgeous, wish her happy.

she is in the family way. Congratulations and all my best wishes. but someone said her husband ever brought a membership on an online site sugarcupid. it is a service for rich men to seek extramarital relationship. i hope it is not true.

I love how she's tried to class it up since her Twisted Sister days and hasn't quite succeeded. On her best day she still looks like a tranny.

DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU SEE!! This is the year 2007.
FOTOSHOPPEN is a HOT-ITEM. ASK DEMI MOORE or LESS!!

still damn hot despite pregnant!

She isn't pretty at all and that bleach blonde hair has to go or she needs to match her eye brows with that hair.....SOMETHING FOR GODSAKE!

I think she looks great! At least they didn't let her wear her usual purple eyeshadow and crimson lipstick. So what if they smoothed out her skin a little with photoshop.

They do that to everyone no matter what they look like, it just makes for a better photo when you can erase flaws.

i wanna see her crooked legs, she should stand up straight face forward... i don't think they can photoshop legs straight though. look like she came from the wrong side of the tracks. and what happened to her only liking guys with "flava"
( aka blacks and mexicans) like your fat ass sasha? ( you like them cause they don't care that you are fat and wear glasses, you are beautiful, no matter what white men say )

in the pic of her whole body they cut off some of her jowels she gets when she is chubby and elbow fat, they also shaved down her big witch nose.

christina, she is so sexy. why so many people said they see her nude photos some nude sites, but my friends see the same on http://herpesmates.com

There is a great vote going on for who is the sexiest nude/pregnant celebrity--Britney, Christina, or Demi Moore--at http://www.derober.com/2007/11/28/pregnancy-pose-off/

CHRISTINA IS SO SEXY....SHE WILL BE ONE M.I.L.F.!!!!!!!!!!!

CHRISTINA IS SO SEXY....SHE WILL BE ONE M.I.L.F.!!!!!!!!!!!

#29 - my thoughts exactly. Couldn't have typed that better myself.

Her face is just looking worse and worse - it's so harsh and whorey.

At least they've photoshopped out all of the stretch marks.

Gross!

Man, she can never come out from Britney's shadow!

#29-Sooo true. Thank you! Okay, so you don't announce you're pregnant, you just pose nude and tell everyone about your husband's "super-sperm"? Please. She's just as big of a media-whore as everyone else - why is she pretending? It must really piss her off that even though she's the one who's pregnant, Britney's still getting all the attention...

So...you fucked that knuckle-dragger and got knocked up. Con-fuckin-gratulations, bitch.


Sorry everyone, I hate Xtina and I always have. That whore's workin' on my last nerve. Christ, she's going to have a Demon Spawn with a fucking unibrow and moustache and a fuckin cig hangin outta it's mouth and be everywhere bitching about how great "mommyhood" is.

Gods...

thats siiiick, cant eat anything thanks to this sick pic

I didn't know she's pregnant.

Nice air brush job. NO WAY are you THAT pregnant with no stretch marks...and they certainly removed some back fat.

If she's so proud of her big ass belly, than show off the real thing!

ok to all the stupid SKANKY LOSER ASS JEALOUS bitches and fags on here....I LOVE CHRISTINA SOOO MUCH! she is my idol and my #1 fav singer.she looks beautiful and im soo excited for the baby.she rox and u alll suck!

ok to all the stupid SKANKY LOSER ASS JEALOUS bitches and fags on here....I LOVE CHRISTINA SOOO MUCH! she is my idol and my #1 fav singer.she looks beautiful and im soo excited for the baby.she rox and u alll suck!

Gawd, ENOUGH with naked pregnant celebrities on the covers of magazines! Okay, it was bold and cool when Demi Moore did it, but by Britney Spears' second naked cover shoot, I think the world was over it. Like women need more photoshopped images of celebrities forcing them to measure themselves against impossible standards, even while pregnant.

I think she should do this. What if her kid grows up and people make fun of him or something. Just because his momma wanted to get publicity.

I think she should do this. What if her kid grows up and people make fun of him or something. Just because his momma wanted to get publicity.

8: i think the question I want to ask is "how much did she pay THEM?"

To #140: Your parents wouldn't be happy to know that you're using their computer to shout off profane words to strangers. Go do your homework. And PLEASE don't think of going out and getting knocked up just because your idol has done so...since I'm sure it's crossed your feeble mind.

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