Maybe I have a chance now?

Sadly the answer must be no.

That dude has huge knockers...

Is she falling in the last picture or doing a sex doll impersonation?

first?

No,No Guys, she is still cute I think. I still think she is way cuter than a lot of the bag o'bones celebrity cunts. Besides, I am partial to big tits, having the giant rack that I do ;)

But John Mayer- wtf chic?! Bam Margera was better than that even though he was married and gangbanged her with all his buddies- he still is hotter!!

I gotta just bitch for 1 second more- John Mayer is such a fucking downgrade...

Think of Nick Lachey for a sec... pretty nice huh? Then glance at these pics of Quasimoto and then yell gaaaaaaahhhh!

Wow.. Talk about mixed emotions - on one hand, I'd like to spackle her face with the ole Black & Decker wiener trowel, and on the other hand I'm freaked about those grandma titties hanging out the side of what ever it is she is wearing (I think it is the flag of some obscure African country).
BTW - Is her dad still taking all her photos?? Ewwww...

she's lucky anyone will put up with her company. no one really deserves to be loved. some people recognize that, and try to be more lovable. for jessica, she walks around like it's her god given right.

why? she can't sing, can't dance, can't talk, can't walk. all she does is annoy, annoy, annoy.

kudos to you, john mayer! (you must either have a really big heart or a really small dick)

Whoa, side boob!

definite downgrade.

my god. that dress. jefferson airplane called, they want you to stop coming to their garage sales.

oh, and can anyone say OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADIDOO? she's even got the midget legs and the space suit!

She has got to be the most overrated chick on the planet. Her rack is all she has, other than that, she is absolutely talentless.

Everyone leave Jessica Simpson alone! Not everyone is blessed with super perky breasts. Hers are real and natural and heavy and there's nothing wrong with that

Lindsay did the side boob thing months ago with a much better result. Poor Jessica, always behind the curve.

Papa Joe needs to step up the career path. I guess next we'll be seeing some panty-less crotch shots, followed by a report of her "falling asleep" in a club that's blasting dance music at top volume, and then finally she'll enter rehab. Maybe she can squeeze a teary train wreck of an interview with Matt Lauer in there somewhere too.

that mayer is a total wiener.

they're not real. the WERE real, until she lost a bunch of weight, which was THE marketing scam for that stupid bumble-hick movie, and she had to have them lifted with implants. GOD, don't you read your celebrity news? awfulplasticsurgery.com

I'm pretty sure that when they get home, he can insert a little crack-handle between her shoulder blade and raise her implants back up. That one was Joe's idea. He plays his "boobies go up, boobies go down" game in front of a mirror for hours and hours. Sadly, she laughs every time.

GOD BLESS TEXAS

Her tits rock. Superficial is insane. She's hot as hell and her body is amazing. Her worst pictures, at her worst weight, are still better than 90% of what's out there. She's annoying and dumb as hell, yeah, but that's a different story.

Third picture, top:

His pimply razor burn scruff!

If you're dating Chestica, go get a facial or somethin

What the hell is wrong with what she's sporting? Ok, they're not the perkiest, but Christ, I'd love to knock those things around all day! I definitely could give her the old pearl necklace after going between them for a while. And how good would she look with the Cincinnati bowtie I'd give her?

Jessica's breast look the way they do from the side because that is what REAL breast look like. Everyone is so used to seeing breast implants that they forget what REAL breast look like. They are not saggy, they are REAL.

Now, after making that point-- I HATE Jessica and have lost all respect for John Mayer!!

Why do all of these seemingly intelligent men fall for that tranny-looking airhead?

Fuck people those tits are not fake! I have natural big tits and no matter how slim I get, they stay big. Good God, the idiocy around here sometimes.

She had implants, she did. Not for increasing size, rather for lift. Its a fact. (Incidentally its a difft sort of implant)

@22 - big natural tits are a huge fucking turn on. You can tell hers are natural because of the sag (which is also part of the turn on). How do you "stack" up to her?

who cares about her boobs, look how orange she is the bottom row first picture. yikes!

i never understand how these people don't make sure their clothing fits before they go out in public.

She's the type of girl that is a lot of fun to bang of few times (Particulary rowdy, drunking fucking) but then you get very tired of her because she so incredibly stupid.

now I'm no Tom Ford (although the supermodels I dress every morning tell me otherwise), but why would anyone design a dress which a) provides no support for your boobs; b) exposes half of your boobs and c) makes wearing a bra out of the question? I understand sagging is "natural", but if you've built your career on your tits having them drooping like Deputy Dog's face ain't the best move ever.

I can't pay attention to her boobs when her skin is BRIHGT ORANGE. It's disturbing. She reminds me of the news story I read about a little girl who drank 2 gallons of Sunny Delight every day and eventually all the orange dye from it went into her skin.

Also I think her dress is the NBC logo, upside down.

#21 Well cardio.... I am not sure Jess's size- she looks to be a D cup though and that is me as well. But don't tell anyone... it can be our secret...

Apparently, Jessica has been taking some hair styling tips for John... ever since here hair has looked like shit! Well all toghter she looks like shit lately... I think it has something to do with him. She is in the syndrome of... Oh I have boyfriend... I can don't have to look good anymore. Never a good idea... he'll dump her ass.

real boobs are over-rated. Give me a chick with boobs (real or fake) that are so perky that she can walk into her bra, like a handshake. Yeaaaaah baby.

PrettyBaby - I can keep a secret. For instance, I'll never tell anyone what I'm doing while imagining my face motorboating those D's.

Even if she had a breast lift, all that does is make them perkier it doesn't increase size. Also it doesn't last if you have heavy breasts. I think hers may have given out.
Mine are about the same size though (papa joe would be just as proud as my DD's)
and don't sag as much as hers seem to in that shot. That dress isn't doing much for her rack. She'll have breasts to her knees if she doesn't start supported them.

The both have Quozz faces.

#20 - Cincinnati Bowtie ! Woo Hoo ! I've heard of that one before.That ranks up there with the old Cleveland steamer, the Dirty Sanchez, and my personal favorite - the angry pirate..

Yaaharr, me buckos !!

could someone please photoshop a cock in her hand in pic #5? Much obliged.

If she doesn't keep up with her cardio she will be resigned to wearing fat-girl clothes forever.. ie this dress.

She's gonna end up looking like that old chick, Magda or whatever her character's name is, from There's Somthing about Mary.
Old, dried up, overly tanned with saggy funbags down to her vagina.

@37 - I keep telling her she needs to keep up with me!

I'd still suck on them like ice cream cone.

-Raekwon the Chef

Dr. Bob - she has the perfect rack for a good Cincinnati bowtie.

Her body certainly took a turn for the worst after the Dukes of Hazzard.

39 LOL

Why does everyone always knock John Mayer? I think he's totally cute. I just don't know what the hell he's doing with JS, I mean sure she's pretty enough, but DUMB AS A SACK OF ROCKS. And true, I never saw that Dukes of Hazzard movie, nor have I ever listened to one of her songs, so I don't know if she has any real talent. But I've seen her on tv commercials and that thing about not knowing if she was eating chicken or tuna, and COME ON!!!!

agreed, john mayer is pretty much the ideal man...for girls who are afraid of penises (or who have one themselves, as in jessica's case).

#44 John Mayer= Quasimoto
Jessica can do better. I put my vote in for the Viva Le Bam Gangbang Part II

#29 - PB, when do we get to see 'em? We've been having this conversation for months! Even a court artist's sketch would be good. Quit holding out on us.

#36 - ROTFLMAO! That'd be a pretty thick piece of meat. Do you think John could be packing that much? Jess would be getting pretty stretched out from one that size.

John Mayer does look like Bigfoot next to Jess. Is he like 7 feet tall or something? Hopefully, Jess will stay confined to John's tour bus & not try & grace the stage with her lack of talent.

It's true, Jessica got a breast lift (not augmentation). Apparently she was confused and putting her thong on top and her push-up bra on bottom, so her breasts sagged. And now her clit is just below her bellybutton.

wedgeone- You are pushy, damn. (I sorta like that) Show your cock first, you and cardio and then I'll compare. And you BETTER have a pink cock.

Just a little haha- inside joke there Baby, nevermind..

Holy shit--I don't know whether to laugh or cry. On the one hand, this photo evidence makes me feel a HELL of a lot better about my sad excuse for a 40-year-old chest (which has, in truth, looked--AND FELT--equally sad since the day those puppies sprouted, sometime back in the 5th grade); on the other hand, the whole picture still SUCKS OUT LOUD, for the lovely Jessica and for me. Sigh.

PrettyBaby - it is pink, but I don't have red hair, so it's not an APW (abnormally pink weiner).

And if I do show it, you're going to want to surround it with those nice D's of yours.

I think she looks great here. And lookit that calf muscle!

Good on ya, Jess.

Are those "boobs" or holding containers for liquified brain? It would make sense, seeing as though the twit has the IQ of a small insect. No wonder they're huge.

Gives a new definition to "brain drain".

Big natural tits are so 1980's, the perfect complement to a big hairy bush. do yourself a favor and have those things downsized.

along with being slightly ditzy it seems shes loosing her eyesight... how can she date that monstrosity. he looks like he should have been a costar in the movie, interview with a vampire, hes so hideously fug. ugh. poor girl.

I'm not a fan of Jessica, but hey, what can she do? As her father said "She's got a set of Double D's, there's no hiding those puppies"

Didn't her fucking Dad really encourage her to date this Fug?? What a Hitler that Joe is. A Molesting Hitler.

She is bad in bed. Just lays there.

Quantity IS quality... "saggy" is not in my vocabulary.

Why do I suddenly get the urge to watch "Beauty and the Beast?"

#61, I get the beast part. But Jon Mayer is hardly a beauty.

At least they are natural titties. I hate silicon. But she has no ass. She should work out with Jessica Biel and build up her pooter. That and a push-up bra and she will survive Hollywood for a few more years. Her sister actually looks better after surgery, but that's not a hard thing, as she was one ugly little skank. An ugly little skank who can't sing - live. SNL

In the first couple of pics she keeps touching her ass. And the last picture, as she's coming down the stairs, clued me in. The look on her face says it all--she crapped herself!

I couldn't think of a more nauseating couple than that pretentious pot head pale clay formation of a human being and that man faced orange tinted skag.

I think it's sad that we're all here criticizing celebs...what are we doing here anyway? We care so much about them that we're devoting some sort of time to them...we did, after all, write these comments ourselves, correct? I'm not saying I'm any different because I'm here too...but it just goes to show you that no matter what they do, they'll always be the center of attention and we'll always be intrigued by what they look like or don't look like. ; )

Don't let her dad see pic #1.
He'll be flashing it around and bragging about the sideboob for years to come.

Eww tomato.

You people blasting Jessica are morons. Jessica is the perfect woman.

Gorgeous face
Smoking hot body
Rich
Dumb as a bag of hammers

I don't know about the quality of her ta-tas, but that ugly-ass dress is doing her no favors. As someone above said, no support, impossible to wear a bra with, the design is such that it makes her look twice as wide as she actually is. And yeah, if you have big ones, get used to wearing a bra, because if you don't, those things will be hanging low before you turn 30. She's not even 30 yet, but her boobies look sorta like they might be ready for some freshening. You can have perky small boobs and no bra wearing (sometimes) or you can have big boobs and almost never go without a bra, but you can't lug around huge knockers and expect them to stay up without help. It just isn't possible. Skin stretches. So get a freakin' stylist who will forbid you to leave the house without a bra, Jessica. Damn.

Oh, and she IS too effin' orange. Goddamn, why do white women think orange skin is acceptable? Only if you have a liver disease can you walk around in public like that.

In that last picture she looks like one of those
blow up sex dolls.

What happened to this girl? She used to be mildly attractive (in a generic tanned, blonde sort of way) and now she resembles an orange tranny with bad hair and dodgy taste in shoes, clothes and men. At least she's consistent...

Please God, don't ever let this one hook up with Carrot Top...

Love #36!!! Perfect idea! Looks more like they airbrushed the cock OUT of her hands.

First, are we just now noticing her saggy boobs? Cause I noticed them a few years back...

Second, Mayer is a pretty intelligent, arrogant fella. So what the fuck? Do you think he fucks with her lack of intelligence? He's got too! You all know he's just in it for those "saggy" boobs. Don't forget he used to "try" to bang Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Anyone who says Jessica Simpson is hot is a damn fool with shitty taste in women. She is not "beautiful" she is interesting looking. Thats all, she looks different than most people, that does not mean she looks good. There is not one thing about her that makes me go WOW! A lot of men think she is hot cuz well lets face it most men especially ugly horny ones, will think just about anything is hot.

I think she looked good when she lost weight but that again is just her body, I think her face is awful.

If you don't agree I don't care, your just blind and have crappy taste in women, thats all.

She's lookin real good in these pics... I love real titties, and 'dem are some real big titties!

LMFAO@NBC logo :-))

The only thing I can't stand about her are the crooked teeth.

I thought she had a breast lift.... did it expire?

just because they're real doesn't mean they're "saggy," but this just isn't a good look

OMG she's so f*ckin' ugly...
and fat.

Who'd say that Ashlee would look better than Jessica someday. Now you see... she's like... Ewww...

Say NO to botox, guys. Say yes to boob lift...

damn i want to suck those titties

I'd fuck the Papa Joe outta this bitch, long time, ... if I wasn't so into fucking dudes, that is.

RPLTC in every conceivable way!

why is no one commenting on the nosejob that she clearly had.....its so small and dainty, a far cry from the witch honker she had a few months ago...years ago (i suspect this is her 2nd) whats the matter jess...is ashley getting all of the attention with her pretty new sniffer???

Just look at those boobies :p

and what about her? she's o.k.

dude, if you shot my tits from that angle, they'd look 'saggy' too, cause they're real :P

btw, John Mayer's forehead has become the new home to Frida Khalo's monster unibrow in pic 7.

Oow,has Jessica Simpson giant saggy knockers?

ugh I think I just puked in my mouth a little. I've seen cracked out porn stars look better than that. And ya her dress looks like a moo moo.

#70 Other things can loosen skin besides going braless. Like weight gain and loss (stretches it) and some people just naturally have bad skin elasticity.

That said, large natural breasts are beautiful but they really should be in bras. I have a 32DD rack which looks kind of like Jessica's and there are a lot of things you can wear with a bra. Even haltar tops if they are designed creatively.

I actually think she has implants though. I saw that dr. 90210 show on E! and the creepy Dr. Rey said that implants can drop if you don't wear your bra. Apparently there is some acceptable measurement about how much undercleavage one should have. Her old rack looked different; this one is plumper but still natural looking.

And, yeah, for all of you that think real boobs are ugly, take a good hard look at your ballsack. THAT'S ugly.

how much do you want to bet that john mayer doesn't really like her, but is going out with her to break her heart in retaliation from that tabloid-frenzy bullshit papa joe and her pulled when they went on one date months ago? anyone?

Bad clothes, bad hair, bad tan.

Jesus!

@89...'ballsack'...hahaha.

how the fuck are they saggy??? people are too used to seeing fake boobs.. although im surprised hers look real since she had fake ones.. but maybe she got them removed.

i dont swing that way peronsally....i love guys...but my god...i would soooooo have sex with her...shes beautiful.....

but john....i dont know....shes tainted now...

:-(

I have always thought she was strange-looking, and the only attractive parts were her long (fake) hair and her curves. But now her curves have obviously contracted cantaloupe-in-a-sock syndrome. The girl doesn't know the difference between chicken and tuna, so how WOULD she remember the bra-putting-on-sequence? I see her as commercial and doing everything for show. Like she thought her career was going to take of and she could date anyone she wants, but she can't. You don't see Nick Lachey making a big deal about renting a room at her favorite hotel with his new woman. The only difference is one of them has class and one doesn't, and I think a braless right boob sagging out of the gaping armhole of a sundress should answer the question, if there ever was one.

thats a low blow. she is one of the ONLY ones who hasnt had a boob job. is it such a crime to not have fake ass tits jutting off your chest? i have natural breasts and THATS HOW THEY LOOK. comments like that spawn a whole new generation of self-hating women, is that what you really want? Or do you even care?

i've said it before and i'll say it again - GOD DAMN I WANT TO SUCK THOSE TITTIES!!!!!!!