November 13, 2006
Tobey Maguire has a baby

Tobey Maguire and his fiance, jewely designer Jennifer Meyer, had a baby daughter last friday. And she pretty much got the shaft, because besides being the bastard child of an unwed couple, her parents are like the opposite of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Pitt and Jolie's kid is destined to conquer the world with her good looks whereas this kid is probably gonna be forced to live in a cave in the mountains.
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Comments
1. Posted by sbi13 on November 13, 2006 8:21 AM
HAHA. Hilarious!
2. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 8:22 AM
Tobey Maguire has sex with women? Huh....whoddathunkit
3. Posted by lohanjob on November 13, 2006 8:23 AM
they both just look so average for hollywood...
4. Posted by Drusilla on November 13, 2006 8:24 AM
I know this isn't snarky, but it's kind of nice to see a star fall in love with an "ordinary" person instead of yet another gorgeous-yet-hollow thing. They probably have a better chance of making it in Hollywood than your usual gorgeous couple.
5. Posted by seyoboy on November 13, 2006 8:24 AM
Sorry but i don"t beleieve this
http://celebrityoops.blogspot.com/
6. Posted by Adult Underoos on November 13, 2006 8:24 AM
whoa whoa whoa... tobey?! what's with the homely fiancee?! you're a movie star! science h. logic!!!
http://funderpants.com
7. Posted by no one you know on November 13, 2006 8:25 AM
Wow...I was really operating under a misconception that superheroes/famous actors could get hot women. This poor girl looks like she could be from the Shire.
8. Posted by mmbelle on November 13, 2006 8:25 AM
umm i don't think they're that ugly ? whats the daughters name?
9. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 8:27 AM
They look like a geeky high-school couple.
10. Posted by Brain Embolism on November 13, 2006 8:27 AM
Fornication is #1
11. Posted by mgbrown66 on November 13, 2006 8:28 AM
Tobey humping this ugly chick is almost as bad as 'I see dead people' drunk driving around in his Saturn.
12. Posted by mullinitover on November 13, 2006 8:29 AM
I wonder how much they will have to pay to get the baby pics published?
http://www.famousidiots.blogspot.com
13. Posted by RichPort on November 13, 2006 8:34 AM
Unmarried? Edna's not gonna be be one bit happy. Tobey+ REPORTED!!! And this 16 year old looking ordinary girl is leaps and bounds above Kirstin Dunst, so it could be worse.
14. Posted by KimberWolf on November 13, 2006 8:41 AM
I think they're sweet, except for the fact that she looks twelve years old.
15. Posted by sexybitch on November 13, 2006 8:44 AM
Since both of their ears have the opened-taxicab-doors thing, that kid's gonna look like Dumbo.
16. Posted by PapaHotNuts on November 13, 2006 8:47 AM
It looks like he is filming Seabiscuit 2.
17. Posted by Ramdonomo on November 13, 2006 8:54 AM
#4 & #8, I'm with you :) I think they're adorable. I adore Tobey Maguire. I think he'll be a great dad.
18. Posted by Tracy on November 13, 2006 8:54 AM
Well, Maguire does have some pretty amazing blue eyes when you meet him in person. A lot of ppl are having kids without getting married. Cruise and Holmes are not married either but they got a kid now too. Spears had kids after she got married to an idiot, and how did that turn out?
19. Posted by Jadis on November 13, 2006 9:00 AM
#4- Ordinary person? Are you fucking kidding me?
His fugly fiancee is about as ordinary as Kevin Federline is employed. Jennifer Meyer is the kid of Ron Meyer- who just happens to be the president of Universal Studios.
Tobey Maguire knocking up the big boss' daughter basically ensures that we will see his pre-pubescent face in movies for decades to come. Hopefully his voice will stop cracking.
20. Posted by Kitty on November 13, 2006 9:02 AM
Why doesn't anyone get married BEFORE the baby is born anymore? Seems like these celebrity couples don't bother getting married when the chick gets knocked up and I see that trend among "normal" people as well. Why make the kid be born out of wedlock if you are supposedly engaged? What the hell are they waiting for? A paternity test??
21. Posted by no one you know on November 13, 2006 9:08 AM
@18...Holy shit! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a kid?!?!
22. Posted by sexybitch on November 13, 2006 9:19 AM
#20
Because no matter how good Vera Wang is, a big belly spoils the line of the dress.
23. Posted by wedgeone on November 13, 2006 9:21 AM
#21 No f'n way!! TCLTC??!?!?
24. Posted by BoognishRising on November 13, 2006 9:30 AM
Jeesh, yer not fooling anyone Tobey. COME OUT ALREADY! I'm sure Frodo from Lord of the Rings would love to play "tummy sticks" with you.
25. Posted by Praz on November 13, 2006 9:34 AM
To think that he could have been boning Ryan Starr.
What an idiot.
26. Posted by Mojo on November 13, 2006 9:45 AM
lmao @ #7
20 bucks says that kid has huge feet and furry ankles.
27. Posted by Spindoc on November 13, 2006 9:56 AM
Toby Macguier has always looked like he is just recovering from an illness or like he is severely anemic. Not sure if he is healthy or not, but if I found out tomorrow that he had been fighting Leukemia for years I wouldn't really be surprised.
Instead of his girlfriend's picture just imagine all her fathers money sitting next to him....thats hot.
28. Posted by sexybitch on November 13, 2006 9:56 AM
#26
HeLLOOO, it's a GIRL.
She'll have furry boobs.
29. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 9:57 AM
Seriously, how old is she? 13? Let's try to find some of her jewelry creations.
30. Posted by CelebSlam.com on November 13, 2006 9:59 AM
Ummm, shouldn't he be getting better ass than that?
http://www.celebslam.com
31. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:00 AM
You can view her creations here...http://www.jennifermeyerjewelry.com/
My kid does a better job with yarn and fuckign Froot Loops.
32. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:02 AM
and that would be fuckING....not to be confused with fuckIGN, which means to sign with the word fuck.
33. Posted by RichPort on November 13, 2006 10:04 AM
They look like your typical 15 year old pregnant couple from Arkansas... what's the issue?
34. Posted by sexybitch on November 13, 2006 10:06 AM
Jrz, you missed one!
http://www.sthbodyjewelry.com/catalog/images/06-20-06-0039.jpg
35. Posted by commissioner on November 13, 2006 10:08 AM
jrz- I ordered the diamond encrusted acorn for my pet squirrel.
36. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:09 AM
"Daaaaaadddddyyyyyyy...I want to make JEWelry...You have to make all of the people that work for you buy it?"
37. Posted by kitty_kat on November 13, 2006 10:09 AM
Damn, doesn't ANYONE in Hollywood get married before having kids anymore??? Is it out of style or something?
38. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:09 AM
That's one goddammed sytlish squirrel you got Commish!
39. Posted by commissioner on November 13, 2006 10:10 AM
jrz- Only the best for my furry friends.
40. Posted by commissioner on November 13, 2006 10:10 AM
I did send her an e-mail, asking if she could design something for my beaver.
41. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:11 AM
Do you think she'll design something for my pussy?
42. Posted by RichPort on November 13, 2006 10:16 AM
That's the kind of jewelry I plan to give my wife as a murder/ suicide present.
43. Posted by commissioner on November 13, 2006 10:20 AM
Well, she does leaves, acorns and wishbones. I think a tuna-shaped diamond encrusted something or other would be a snap for Ms. Meyer.
44. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:24 AM
A diamond-encrusted log for your beaver, Commish. That would be lovely.
45. Posted by commissioner on November 13, 2006 10:27 AM
jrz- Beats a cheese log any day.
46. Posted by Italian Stallion on November 13, 2006 10:27 AM
All this time, I thought Hobbits were fictional, spooky..............
47. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:34 AM
Cheese + log = icky.
48. Posted by commissioner on November 13, 2006 10:43 AM
Encrusted + cheese + log = icky.
Hell, encrusted anything sounds icky.
49. Posted by shankyouverymuch on November 13, 2006 10:49 AM
Why do the Irish & the Jews feel compelled to to get together and have babies all the time???... and don't say that it doesn't happen, because it does... all the time!!!
peace out nigga's
50. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 10:55 AM
49--What other Jew/Irish couple is there?
51. Posted by Spindoc on November 13, 2006 11:15 AM
#42 RichPort
That is the fucking funniest thing I've read in a long fucking time (I used fucking twice to emphasise how strongly I feel about what I'm typing)
Made me laugh out loud at work.
52. Posted by ponk on November 13, 2006 11:18 AM
i'd hit it, assuming she's legal.
53. Posted by a_wu on November 13, 2006 11:21 AM
Am I the only one who thinks she looks an awful lot like Paris Hilton before she became a freak?
Exhibit A: http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/005189.html
54. Posted by RichPort on November 13, 2006 11:24 AM
#51 - She didn't think so... needless to say, she starts to weep everytime I walk in with a jewelry box and a shotgun. Weird...
55. Posted by HolisticWisdomcom on November 13, 2006 11:37 AM
Maybe the baby will be bitten by a spider and the legacy will live on. Spidey Baby.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
56. Posted by frangly on November 13, 2006 11:47 AM
I think they're both cute.
She looks Jewish. Since when can a woman only look attractive if she looks very WASP-y? Okay, yes, I recognize that that was the mainstream mentality here in the U.S. for generations, but haven't we evolved past that? You'd think we'd be able to appreciate diverse manifestations of beauty by now. Not every woman need look like Jessica Simpson to be attractive.
57. Posted by jrzmommy on November 13, 2006 11:58 AM
56--ethnic beauty is perfectly wonderful, but this chick ain't beautiful period. Not even close. Big pointy ears, behemoth foreheads and large noses are not beautiful.
58. Posted by ElatedPornStar on November 13, 2006 12:25 PM
@16: Oh, that's terrible!
Leave the poor whorsey alone.
59. Posted by Alex on November 13, 2006 12:27 PM
#16
Seabiscuit 2! Funniest thing I have read all day. Thank you!
60. Posted by DrunkBlogger on November 13, 2006 12:37 PM
Wasn't this chick in the Harry Potter movies?
61. Posted by frenchtoaststix on November 13, 2006 1:08 PM
She looks like Alfred E. Newman with long hair.
#19 Jadis: You are so right on about all that, especially his breaking voice.
62. Posted by marshmallow-dream on November 13, 2006 1:33 PM
#42 that is the most hilarious thing i've read all day! now stop with the overcompensating.
rpltcRPLTCrpltc
63. Posted by Susan on November 13, 2006 2:00 PM
I would love to see a picture of the author of this article--how beautiful are you? Casting stones at a glass house?
To assume that the Jolie-Pitt baby will be superior to the McGuire baby is ludicrous, as having a stable home life, caring parents, innate intelligence have a much larger influence on success than looks alone. Besides, who knows what either baby will look like as an adult? There are many celebrity kids that are normal-looking even though they have parents who are considered remarakble-looking.
The statements in the article are petty and I think I'm done looking at this website.
64. Posted by em on November 13, 2006 2:13 PM
#63 I'm sure your presence will really be missed. *huge f-ing eye roll*
65. Posted by RichPort on November 13, 2006 4:07 PM
#62 - You're still here? I mean, thanks for the props and all, but I think damnYELL needs a playmate. You'd be perfect for each other.
66. Posted by Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest on November 13, 2006 4:10 PM
#56
Jessica Simpson attractive? Fuck that flat ass, buck-toothed bitch! Couldn't you think of a better example of a WASPy bitch that looks good? Like Jessica Biel or Scarlett Johanssen? Personally I dig the the Latinas and Asian broads over the whitey's any day. Always have, always will.
67. Posted by beifiori on November 13, 2006 4:32 PM
She's not ugly, she's just not what we're used to seeing on the arms of these actors who if they were just average joe's instead of being famous (because in the looks department, a lot of actors are average)would be dating girls just like her...Even if she comes from money, I have to say I admire him for not going down the stellar looks but empty soul path...not everyone is caught up with superficial issues like boning the hottest girl...i mean, look at matt damon's wife, she's average and a bit pudgy even...for all of you knocking the girl for her looks, do you by chance look like the most beautiful stars in their prime? if not, why are you knocking this woman?
68. Posted by hotguy on November 13, 2006 5:01 PM
#13, how dare you, how dare you, how dare you!!! Kirstin has thee most handsome face, a face i might add, that is eclipsed only by the Moai on Easter Island. Yeah, i like her many manly features. Kirstin and tobi in the rain, sweeeeet. Damn hot man action(drooling).
69. Posted by hotguy on November 13, 2006 5:03 PM
oh its tobey. u bitches and ur spelling fascinations, lay off. c i corrected it!
70. Posted by Shaun on November 13, 2006 5:52 PM
They do look like brother and sister.
http://news.digital-six.net
71. Posted by KelKel on November 13, 2006 7:28 PM
They look like fuckin hobbits.
72. Posted by aurealis on November 13, 2006 8:23 PM
Really? I think that the Branjelina baby has no chance against Suri Cruise in a street fight. A street fight where their weapons are cuteness. But really; she's either here to save us, or destroy us.
73. Posted by EliasAlucard on November 14, 2006 1:11 AM
Damn, they're both ugly as hell.
lolol
74. Posted by radically4peace on November 14, 2006 12:52 PM
Surprisingly, ugly people make good looking children sometimes. When too hot people get together, that's when you have to worry.
75. Posted by Blog Lurker Guy Man Dude on November 15, 2006 4:12 PM
After battling the green goblin so many times, it was only a matter of time before they got together.
76. Posted by BlacKScar on November 18, 2006 12:57 AM
Congrats!!!
Tobey is a great guy, and i think he will be a great daddy^^
77. Posted by ab on November 20, 2006 9:02 PM
ad