Lindsay Lohan is the Bruce Banner of drunks
Lindsay Lohan was on the warpath last night and reportedly threw a drink in Samantha Ronson's face after the two got into an argument at Crown Bar, according to RadarOnline:
"Lindsay was drinking straight out of a bottle of vodka and I saw her take an orange prescription bottle out of her bag and pop a couple of pills that she said were Adderal, she even offered some of the pills to a friend that was with her.
"Lindsay was trying to get Sam's attention, but she was working and studiously ignored Lindsay. You could see Lindsay getting more and more worked up the more Sam didn't pay her any attention. At one point Lindsay was dirty dancing with this really pretty girl right in front of Sam, obviously to try and make her jealous.
"Sam just got sick of it all in the end though and started taunting Lindsay about her being all drunk and messed up. She said to Lindsay, "Why don't you just have another drink?" and even told her, "You're a disgrace".
"That made Lindsay just totally flip out on Sam. She picked up a drink and threw it straight in her face! Sam was absolutely furious and picked up some DJ equipment that was by her and threw that at Lindsay. It was crazy!
What amazes me most about this story is that somebody didn't hand one of them the club's emergency fire axe then walk away whistling. Nobody knows how to solve problems in Hollywood?
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Tiger Woods is cured!
Tiger Woods has completed his stay in rehab and just wants to get back to making millions of dollars which, when you think about it, is what got him here in the first place. PopEater reports:
Woods, who has not seen his two children for more than a month, has been living in a small cabin and attending group therapy sessions at the clinic, called Gentle Path.
According to the Melbourne Herald Sun, Woods could be back playing competitive golf as early as Feb. 17 at the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship in Tucson.
"Only a fortnight after allegedly checking into a sex addiction clinic in Mississippi, the world No. 1 is set to stun the world by returning to the Dove Mountain course where he made his comeback from knee surgery last year," according to the newspaper.
Of course anyone who believes Tiger Woods was attempting any kind of rehabilitation is kidding themselves. I'll bet you five cocktail waitresses this was all a front for his lawyers and Elin to talk to some sense into him.
TIGER: So you're telling me I could save my family OR drop $80 mil right now, proceed to hemorrhage money for the rest of my life but still bang all the women I want? Interesting...
ELIN: *puts on brass knuckles*
TIGER: Haha, did I say "interesting?" I meant, when's dinner? -- Sweetheart.
Sarah Harding in bikinis and other news
- Lindsay Lohan lives in a goddamn pig sty? Get the fuck out. [Lainey Gossip]
- Lucy Lawless' Spartacus sex scene. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Carrie Underwood will probably be in a bikini soon. [Just Jared]
- Simon Cowell wants to kick the shit out of Quincy Jones. Musically. [PopEater]
- Jennifer Lopez isn't doing the Latin community any favors. [Celebslam]
- Kevin Federline thought the paparazzi fat pics of him were Photoshopped. [Amy Grindhouse]
- James Cameron is giving you another chance to thank yourself for watching his movies. [Betty Confidential]
- Beyonce sets her chest to "Sell perfume." [ICYDK]
- Mel Gibson terrifies the French media. [Socialite Life]
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Tila Tequila's bodyguard throws her under the short bus. Because she's tiny. Also, retarded.
The Bodyguard Group is a 43-year-old celebrity bodyguard service dedicated to providing jobs for combat vets. It has never once revealed information about any of its client which include the Hilton family, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips, Jon Voight, Jack Nicholson, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Keanu Reeves, Eva Longoria and Conan O' Brien. Then they started working for Tila Tequila.
Thanks to being sucked into the vortex of an insane dwarf hellbent on splattering the world with its crazy like a monkey tossing its feces, but with less dignity, The Bodyguard Group was forced to issue a lengthy press release defending its credibility after Tila decided to name its employees as the father of her imaginary baby and continue to alert the paparazzi to her every move to stage embarrassing photo ops. This puppy reads as basically every thing you've ever suspected about Tila coupled with the non-surprising fact that these poor bastards went through war zones and still couldn't tolerate her shit. How they didn't eventually open fire will baffle me until the day I die.
The Bodyguard Group Press Release After the Jump
Casey Johnson died of stuff, too
Apparently the LA Coroner's Office decided they should get around to solving those high-profile deaths today, because they've also announced the final results of Casey Johnson's autopsy. People reports:
The specific cause of death was "diabetic ketoacidosis," a condition caused by a shortage of insulin, according to a coroner statement.
Shortly after her death, a law enforcement source told PEOPLE that hypodermic needles were found in the home, and they suspected Johnson partied the night before she died and neglected to take her insulin. No illicit drugs were found.
So if I'm reading this right, Casey Johnson essentially died from being a drunken moron. Or is "diabetic ketoacidosis" a fancy word for Tila Tequila? Not that this couldn't go both ways.
BREAKING: Brittany Murphy killed by 'drug intoxication'
And the results of Brittany Murphy's toxicology report have just been released. TMZ reports:
Brittany Murphy's cause of death has been determined -- an accidental death caused by "community acquired pneumonia," iron deficiency anemia, and multiple drug intoxication.
The L.A. County Coroner concludes on the subject of "How injury occurred" -- "Drug intake."
Even more damning for Simon Monjack, it's now being reported Brittany's death was entirely preventable:
Sources say the primary causes of Murphy's death were pneumonia and severe anemia. L.A. County Coroner officials believe Brittany's condition was "treatable" but no one took her to the hospital in time.
As for the multiple drugs found in her system, we're told they were both prescription, including medicine for cramps, and over-the-counter medications, including cough syrup. Our sources say the drugs "pushed her over the line" but the underlying problems were the pneumonia and anemia.
Gee, I wonder why nobody took her to the hospital? It couldn't have been because she had a stomach full of illegally obtained prescription drugs that kept her married to her husband. That just doesn't make sense.... Wait, I got it. There must have been penguins there! THOSE FLIPPERY BASTARDS!
But, no, seriously. Simon Monjack's probably fleeing the country right now thus alleviating the burrito shortage afflicting southern California. So it looks like everything worked out after all.
The End.
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Allow me, SIMON MONJACK DID IT.
Presumably because Simon Monjack's failed charity scheme was the mother of all red flags, the LA Coroner's Office paid a visit to Brittany Murphy's home yesterday where they questioned Tubby McGrift and Brittany's mom. Apparently authorities feel the toxicology report isn't telling "the whole story." TMZ reports:
Sources tell TMZ a man who worked at Brittany Murphy's house has told the Coroner's Office that someone would deliver a sealed, manila envelope to the house every Friday filled with prescription medications in bottles. The name on the envelope -- "Lola."
Sources say the ex-employee told the Coroner drugs were also mailed from Los Angeles to Louisiana -- where Brittany was shooting a movie and Simon was tagging along -- in the months before she died.
We're told the pathologist in the Coroner's Office who is working on the case had a variety of questions for Simon and Sharon. Among the questions -- Why was there no record of Brittany seeing a doctor in the months before her death, especially because she had several medical conditions and was experiencing severe abdominal pains days before her death?
So remember when Simon Monjack kept swearing up and down that Britanny's death wasn't drug related? Well, there seems to be an awful lot of questions about drugs and absolutely zero discussion on the fatal effects of singing penguins. Granted, modern police technology isn't advanced enough to address the issue, you'd figure someone would've gone down to Sea World and read some fuckers the riot act. "Wait your turn, Tappy. I'm not finished with Cocoa here. Now where'd you get all this fish on a dancer's salary?"
Pamela Anderson's career reaches its zenith
Pamela Anderson is set to appear on the next season of Dancing with the Stars which is, sadly, the best thing that will ever happen to her career before she dies. Let's be honest. RadarOnline reports:
In a move that's sure to boost the male viewing audience, Pam and the show have agreed to all terms for a deal and the deal is done, a source told RadarOnline.com. "Pam is thrilled and so is the show," the source told RadarOnline.com.
Boost the male audience? How in the- Listen, if you're a grown man who purposefully turns on Dancing with the Stars to see Pamela Anderson in her current condition, congratulations, you're a serial killer. And probably Bill Clinton. (Good morning, Mr. President.)
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Lorraine Nicholson in a bikini
Here's Jack Nicholson daughter Lorraine on the set of her new movie Soul Surfer yesterday, and considering her father's love of wrecking shit with a golf club, I probably shouldn't be posting these pics. Or pointing out you can definitely tell she shaves in this shot.
"Heeere's Johnny!"
ACK! CHINATOWN CHANGED MY LIFE I ALWAYS TYPE NAKED!
Scope Out (16) Pics of Lorraine Nicholson After the Jump
AnnaLynne McCord has nipples and other news
- Christina Hendricks is the only acceptable definition of "curvy." [Lainey Gossip]
- Kristin Cavallari's panties. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- The Olsen Twins actually look healthy on Good Morning America which solves the mysteries of who keeps eating all those daycare babies. [Just Jared]
- Nicole Kidman wants to be the next Angelina Jolie? Someone's in for some disappointment. And Botox. [PopEater]
- Heidi Montag in ten years. (Five if she falls asleep out in the sun by accident.) [Celebslam]
- Snooki preparing for her inevitable career as one of those Real Housewives. [Amy Grindhouse]
- Kanye West learns that temper tantrums really do get you what you want. Fantastic. [The Blemish]
- Channing Tatum is clearly mocking Michael C. Hall.That's not right. [PopSugar]
- Eggs from True Blood vs. whoever the hell Kellan Lutz plays in Twilight. [Bossip]
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Continue Reading "AnnaLynne McCord has nipples and other news"
