May 30 2007Kevin Federline and Wilmer Valderrama hook up
Wilmer Valderrama and Kevin Federline were spotted partying together in Las Vegas over the weekend, and the two hit it off so well K-Fed invited Fez to collaborate with him on his next album. The NY Daily News reports:
The new BFFs "chilled out together and insisted on rapping along to every song played ... K-Fed invited Wilmer to be involved with his next album." Britney's baby-daddy even had a nifty new trick to foil the paparazzi at Heineken's Thirst Studio Global Sessions. "He had a little flashlight he would shine in cameras so they couldn't get any shots."
This might be the greatest partnership since peanut better and jelly. Assuming, of course, that peanut butter and jelly were douchebags with no careers. I guess they could, like, hold meetings and discuss their goatees. Maybe braid each other's hair and have pillow fights? And at the end of the day they can fall asleep in each other's arms while reminiscing about better times, trying to be brave for each other as a single tear rolls down their cheek.
Jan 10 2007Mandy Moore dates DJ AM, God confused
I don't know why, but Mandy Moore and DJ AM (Niciole Richie's ex) are allegedly dating. They ran into each other at a New Year's Eve party in Miami and have been seeing each other since.
"It's really new. They're in the beginning stages of getting to know each other," says the source. "They're very into each other. It's very sweet."
I'm guessing Mandy Moore was molested by her uncle or some other fucked up shit, because she's got the worst taste in men allowed by law. Her previous boyfriends have included Zach Braff and Wilmer Valderrama, so I guess it was just a matter of time before she hooked up with DJ AM. This time next year she'll be dating Scott Baio, and the year after that she'll have hooked up with some vagrant she found living in a refrigerator box.
Oct 31 2006Ivanka Trump and Topher Grace get it on
Ivanka Trump has squashed rumors she's with Lance Armstrong with even stranger rumors that she's with Topher Grace. She celebrated her 25th birthday in Las Vegas over the weekend and reportedly spent Saturday night with Topher.
They canoodled on the balcony during dinner at Social House with a group including Grace's former co-star Wilmer Valderrama. Then, at nightclub Pure, they closed the curtains around their private table for a half-hour. The couple "never left each other's sides," said our source.
And here's Ivanka at her birthday party at Pure looking a bit more like Paris Hilton than anybody should ever look. There's been rumors going around that she got breast implants and while I can't confirm them, I can confirm that her bumblebee suit makes her look like she belongs in a Martin Scorsese movie doing a line of coke and telling Robert DeNiro she'd like to go out for a night on the town.
Aug 24 2006Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama travel back in time
These shots of Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama were taken last Saturday but it look like they came from the 90's. I didn't even know it was possible to make Jessica Alba look this awkward, let alone dressed like she just finished shooting an episode of Saved by the Bell. And everytime I mention Fez I have to bring up the fact that he's done it with Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan. And now he's somehow working his mojo on Jessica Alba? Even forgetting that he was Fez, this is the guy responsible for MTV's Yo Mama. Yo Mama! The creator of Yo Mama shouldn't be allowed to be friends with Jessica Alba. The creator of Yo Mama should barely be allowed to eat.
Aug 10 2006Lindsay Lohan getting in more trouble
Lindsay Lohan is reportedly in trouble with her Los Angeles home, the Chateau Marmont, due to her partying and faces getting kicked out of the hotel.
"They are trying to kick her out. It is very disruptive with all of her friends coming in and out and her late nights," said a source. Another insider added, "Even for the Chateau, it is too much." But a rep for the famed hotel to the stars sniffed, "Not true."
Additionally, a crew member on Herbie: Fully Loaded has come out and anonymously posted a letter claiming her behavior on Herbie: Fully Loaded was equally as bad as the complaints made by Morgan Creek. He writes:
"Her behavior [on 'Georgia Rule'] is exactly the same inconsiderate [bleep] she pulled on the 'Herbie' production. She stayed out all night, and then the doctor announced that Ms. Lohan had asthma the next day. She played the exhaustion card a couple of times . . . She called in sick one day and . . . she is across town [spending] a day with her then-boyfriend [Wilmer Valderrama] of 'That '70s Show.' Another day she has the 'doctor' call in Ms. Sickie's fake ailment, because she was shooting her own music video the night before . . . The Princess was able to make the production [crew] re-create the desert race sets closer to the Four Seasons [hotel]. She said she had signed on 'to do a film in Los Angeles' and El Mirage was too hot and too far. She is a brat."Leslie Sloane Zelnik, Lohan's hardworking rep, raged, "Until this person goes on the record like the producers of Morgan Creek did and attaches a face and name to their charges, I am not going to reply. Stop hiding behind blind anonymity!"
And for no reason at all except that they exist, here are shots of Lindsay Lohan's baggy panties. You'd think somebody who lived in a bikini would have some more flattering underwear, and yet everytime I see them they look like she stole them from her grandma's closet.
May 16 2006Mandy Moore calls Fez a liar
Mandy Moore is responding to claims by Wilmer Valderrama that she lost her virginity to him, insisting that he's lying about the whole thing. Fez appeared on the Howard Stern radio show last month and talked about how he was the first person to sleep with Mandy Moore, as well as having done it with Lindsay Lohan, Ashlee Simpson, and Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Moore maintains the claim is "utterly tacky, not even true, and it hurt my feelings because I like him." Love Hewitt has also lashed out saying, "I was told that we had all these very steamy encounters and I was like, 'Really! Well, I would have loved to have been there!'"
Finally the source of Wilmer Valderrama's power has revealed itself: lying. I guess it's pretty easy to hook up with a bunch of women if you make the whole thing up. And even easier if you slip them a roofie. Which I can only assume was his backup plan.
Mar 28 2006Valderrama talks about sex
Wilmer Valderrama talked about his Hollywood conquests during an appearance on Howard Stern yesterday. Among his revelations were that Lindsay Lohan was one of the best girl's he's ever had slept with, Ashlee Simpson was loud in bed and Jennifer Love Hewitt rated an "eight" out of ten when it came to sex. He also claimed that he's been with two women at once and engaged in anal sex with a famous actress, who he refused to name. Valderrama claims his penis is "slightly bigger" than eight inches, and that he's videotaped his sexual escapades on numerous occasions, but erased the tapes to keep them from being linked on the internet.
Reading about Wilmer Valderramma's sex life is like murdering a clown - you don't really want to do it, but in the end you can't help yourself. I simply don't understand how in God's name this guy gets all this - oh wait, the eight inch penis. Yeah, that might explain it.
Feb 28 2006Lindsay Lohan hooks up with Wilmer Valderrama
Lindsay Lohan was spotted going back to the SoHo Grand hotel room with her ex-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama at 5:30 am yesterday. The two had been partying together at Lotus, and Us Weekly has already bought pictures of the two leaving the hotel together.
It'd be pretty irresponsible reporting to just assume the two hooked up and had sex, but considering I only wear pants about 12% of the day, I'm probably not in the running for the Pulitzer here. Plus I actually saw them having sex, so it's not even an assumption. It's a fact.
