Aug 8 2008Jewel marries a cowboy
Jewel married longtime boyfriend rodeo star Ty Murray yesterday in the Bahamas, according to Us Magazine:
"Jewel is thrilled! It was so romantic," the source adds. "She looked beautiful! Her dress is gorgeous, the ring is gorgeous. They can't be happier!"
The two share a 2,200-acre central Texas ranch with their shitzu George. Born in Utah and raised on a ranch in Homer, Alaska, Jewel has said living on Murray's ranch "is comforting because I'm able to do the things I was raised with, like riding horses and doing branding."
Oh yeah, horses are real cool, Jewel - until they paralyze you! Jesus. Did Christopher Reeve teach us nothing about horses: nature's hooved killers of the night? Think about that on your ranch full of murderers. God, you people make me sick. Oh yeah, and also, congratulations.
Nov 27 2007Bryan Singer flies into Superman’s wedding, like an A-hole
Brandon Routh married his fiancée Courtney Ford at producer Jon Peter’s ranch over the weekend. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger created a “no-fly zone” over the area in honor of the occasion, but Superman Returns director Bryan Singer decided to be a dick about it, according to Page Six:
Bryan Singer pulled a "big Diana Ross diva move," another wedding guest giggled, by "insisting on flying in on a helicopter.”
I’m going to let Bryan Singer slide on this one because he made a Superman movie that I can relate to. I’m talking about Superman knocking up Lois Lane then fleeing the planet. It’s exactly like the story of my own life complete with a messianic theme and a John William’s score. I can’t wait to watch it with my kid someday. If I ever decide we should finally meet because I want to borrow some of his student loan money.
Jul 30 2007Usher cancels wedding
Usher was set to marry his pregnant girlfriend Tameka Foster over the weekend but the wedding was canceled at the last minute without explanation. The couple apparently only decided to get married two weeks ago and wanted it to take place before Tameka's baby bump started showing, but now nobody knows what the hell is going on. Guests were invited, tents were set up, all the help was hired, and at the last minute the whole thing was mysteriously called off. Usher's rep released the following statement:
"It was announced today that the wedding ceremony for Usher Raymond IV and Tameka Foster was canceled. No additional information will be given regarding the circumstances of the cancellation, but we hope the privacy of this matter will be respected."
I'm guessing somebody finally explained to Usher that after he gets married he won't be able to have sex with other women anymore. Then he let out a comical, "Say whaaa?" and called the whole thing off.
Jul 6 2007Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are married
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker got married in a civil ceremony in Paris today. The two will have a second ceremony tomorrow at Paris's Eglise Saint-Germain l'Auxerrois, followed by a lavish celebration at Vaux-le-Vicomte. Which is just a whole lot of words I have no idea how to say. I tried to learn some French from a Parisian woman once, but whenever she was around me all she could say were pleasurable moans.
