Mar 16 2009Lindsay Lohan's warrant quashed
Lindsay Lohan's warrant has been dismissed today after her lawyer provided a Beverly Hills judge with proof the actress is enrolled in alcohol education classes. People reports:
"The warrant is quashed and set aside," Judge Marsha Revel said. "I've seen additional proof ... that Lohan has been compliant with [her] program. There is no indication of dirty [drug] tests." The judge also ordered that Lohan show new proof of enrollment by April 3."This was all much to do about nothing," Lohan's attorney Shawn Chapman Holley said following the hearing Monday. "[Lohan] has satisfied all the conditions of her probation, and I have every expectation that she'll successfully complete those terms."
Well, now that that's out of the way; Hollywood, you're free to pursue Lindsay Lohan for acting work again. Let the offers begin! - - Don't hold back. Just fire away.
Anyone?
*crickets*
Mar 16 2009Lindsay Lohan's warrant not exactly warranted?
Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant seems to be the result of a misunderstanding and will be resolved quickly today, according to TMZ:
Here's why an arrest warrant was issued. Lindsay was in an alcohol ed program for more than a year and was in full compliance with her probation. Sources say not too long ago she decided to switch programs. She either was late or missed one of the classes at the new program -- she says because the paparazzi made it impossible for her to show up on schedule. So the program director sounded the alarm last week to the court. And that's why the judge issued a warrant.
And just to show how awesome she's doing, I included pics of Lindsay trashed outside of Jack Nicholson's house Saturday night. Is fellating a 70-year-old actor one of the 12 Steps? If so, sorry, liver. Hope you like gin.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan's warrant not exactly warranted?"
Mar 15 2009Lindsay Lohan's Shitty Weekend
Lindsay Lohan's weekend went to hell in a lesbian basket Friday when it was reported Beverly Hill police have issued a warrant for her arrest. Details are fuzzy, but it regards her compliance with enrolling in education classes as part of her 2007 DUI conviction. Obviously, this didn't sit too well with Samantha Ronson and the two got into a heated brawl Saturday morning that ended with Lindsay breaking a window. Also, Lindsay partying with Jack Nicholson until four in the morning might've had something to do with it. Not even joking. People reports:
Around 1:45 a.m., Lohan showed up outside actor Nicholson's house on Mulholland Drive. Witnesses say the actress, accompanied by pals, buzzed the intercom numerous times and grew agitated, asking for "Jack" to open the gate.
The group was eventually let in, and Lohan remained inside until a bodyguard picked her up about 4:30 a.m. (Representatives for Nicholson could not immediately be reached for comment.)
Lohan's bodyguard then brought her to Sam Ronson's house, where Ronson showed up at around 11:30 a.m. Later in the day, a loud disturbance was heard at the house, including the sound of a breaking window. Police cars arrived at the house shortly afterward.
Somewhere between Lindsay partying with Jack and turning into the Firecrotch Hulk, she took the time to contact Perez Hilton and completely deny there's a warrant out for her arrest. And by deny, I mean lie her face off:
In an exclusive statement to PerezHilton.com, Lindsay says, "This warrant for my arrest is completely fabricated and its a horrendous lie. This will make me loose every single deal that I have right now. Its horrible."
The Beverly Hills Police Department then issued a public statement confirming there is indeed a warrant out for Lindsay. Whoops! And, like any good Lindsay story, her father chimed in to E! News to blame Samantha Ronson for the whole thing:
"I love Lindsay. I've been telling everyone this relationship with Sam (Ronson) is toxic," the elder Lohan tells E! News. "Hopefully this is a wakeup call for her because we all really want her to get her life better."
Lohan, who has had a on-off relationship with Lindsay, says he supports her unconditionally.
"I'm here for her 100 percent," he said. "But nothing is going to get better with Sam Ronson in her life."
I think the most important lesson people can take away from Lindsay's debacle is that Jack Nicholson has game none of us can ever comprehend. Seriously, he could die, and I guarantee there'd be naked chicks laying on top of his grave. Some of you might say, "Well, isn't the real lesson here about the dangers of alcohol abuse." To which I say, "No. It's definitely Jack Nicholson: Robotic Pussyhound from the Future."
Write that down.
Nov 15 2007Hayden Panettiere issued warrant in Japan
Hayden Panettiere has learned there’s a warrant out for her arrest in Japan because of her dolphin-saving adventure a few weeks ago. The actress and a couple of activists rode surfboards into a cove off the coast of Taiji in an attempt to steer dolphins away from fishing boats. Despite the legal consequences, Hayden told E! News she’s proud of the experience:
She said she was thrilled that the incident was receiving international attention, as it could result in educating others about the dolphins' plight.
"In this town, you tend to be able to get publicity when you're not wearing underwear or [you're] in rehab," Panettiere said.
"I was very excited that people were interested in what we did."
If Japanese officials want me to hunt Hayden Panettiere down and bring her in for justice, I’m on it. I’ve got all kinds of stuff to bait her in; things that chicks can’t resist. I’ve got an ironing board, some Tupperware and I’m pretty sure I can get my hands on a sewing machine. Also my car is fully equipped to hold a woman captive. I mean, lovingly restrain her. And I’d like to state for the record the dome light sprayed knock-out gas when I bought it. Yeah, I definitely didn’t modify it myself after watching an episode of Batman. I don’t even know how to buy knock-out gas by going down to the hardware store by the bus station and asking for Jim then paying him in Marlboro’s. I think that’s how my lawyer told me to word it. Or maybe it was “No comment.” Eh, close enough.
Note: I added some pictures of Hayden Panettiere sitting on Kristen Bell’s lap in a Lamborghini. You know, because I love journalism so much.
