Mar 5 2009Miranda Kerr in a bikini
Here's Miranda Kerr in the latest Victoria Secret's catalog, and there are so many things I'd do to her that I'm not even going to mention them here. I don't want you guys copying my moves. Then again, it took me four years to teach those penguins how to cover themselves in Crisco, so good luck pulling that one off. Ladies?
Dec 3 2008Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum and Miranda Kerr because today ends in a 'Y'
Here's pics of Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum and Miranda Kerr attending the opening celebration for the Victoria's Secret Lexington Ave. Flagship Store in New York. While Miranda and Marisa look hot, I don't know what's going on with Heidi Klum. It's like her dress is made of a bedazzled Hefty bag, and she told her stylist "Make me look like Tea Leoni - but hold the frigid." Somewhere David Duchnovny just saw these and checked back into rehab. - - He was out thirty seconds later. A new record!
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Nov 20 2008Karolina Kurkova doesn't have a belly button
Man, British people are smart. The folks over at BBC News made a startling discovery over the weekend: Karolina Kurkova doesn't have a belly button. Wait. Women have belly buttons? When did that happen?:
Its absence was noticed this week when the 24-year-old graced a US catwalk for lingerie giant Victoria Secret. While most of us have an "outie" or an "innie", Ms Kurkova has a smooth indentation (although sometimes a tummy button is airbrushed onto her photos in post-production).
Ms Kurkova has not spoken publicly about how she came to have a smooth navel, and all her agent will say is "she's not an alien".
Of course, this news would be startling if I didn't just make a fascinating discovery of my own: Karolina Kurkova - has a face. BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!
That's how you report, my friends. That's how you report.
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Nov 17 2008Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2008
Match the supermodel with the thought going through her head:
1. "Try and tell me my outfit can't have a bejeweled spider attacking my vagina. I'm ______, bitch!"
2. "Wait a minute. This isn't Scores...."
3. "Probably should've gotten that Brazilian today."
4. "Why won't my mother just admit she had sex with Hawkman?"
Answers: 1. Heidi Klum, 2. Marisa Miller, 3. Adriana Lima, 4. Alessandra Ambrosio.
Nov 14 2008Victoria's Secret Angels in Bikinis
These are behind the scene shots of Alessandra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller and Karolina Kurkova posing for a press junket to promote the Victoria's Secret Annual Fashion Show at Fountainebleu in Miami. If you're wondering about the fuzziness of the pics, that's called "Hero Vision." No, really, whoever took these should be hunting down terrorists. Or hiding in Mila Kunis' shower. Either one.
Sep 22 2008Doutzen Kroes in a bikini
These are pics of Dutch model and newest Victoria's Secret Angel Doutzen Kroes in Miami. Now, I can already tell what some of you readers are going to say about her boyfriend. C'mon, I read the comments. So, it's pretty obvious there's going to be a few of you who will undoubtedly say, "That's just unacceptable - because she should be in an entirely non-committal sex-based relationship with The Superficial Writer who once made love to a space woman. True story." To those folks, my deepest thanks and your autographed Martian baby is in the mail.
See shots of Doutzen's Victoria's Secret debut here which now look even more ridiculously airbrushed.
Aug 22 2008Victoria's Secret launches coffee table book that will let my dinner guests know exactly where I stand on the issue of breasts: Love 'em!
Victoria's Secret is publishing a coffee table book entitled Supermodel Obsession that features Adriana Lima (above), Doutzen Kroes and others. If you're like me, you've often pulled a shoebox full of old Victoria's Secret catalogs out from underneath your bed and thought "Gee, I wish someone would collect these into a classy, decorative hardcover book." It'd make a beautiful addition to my coffee table right next to the whiskey bottles, LEGOs and Geekologie Writer's mom. Ha ha! I can't get her to leave!
Mar 5 2008Adriana Lima, Karolina Kurkova launch stuff
It's kind of a slow news day, if you can't tell by the Matthew McConaughey post. Fortunately, something awesome did get launched by Adriana Lima and Karoline Kurkova last night. That would be the Victoria's Secret Uplift Biofit bra. I have no idea what it does, but it seems to involve lifting boobs - a time-honored tradition of mine. My father was a breast lifter, as was his father before him and so forth down the line. It's believed that we belong to the proud lineage of Claudius of Boobistouchia. Claudius is known historically for his devotion to the boob until he died tragically giving Cleopatra a Purple Nurple.
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