Nov 6 2009Kevin Federline's sperm has struck again
Here's a surprise twist, guess who turned out to be the pregnant one in Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince's relationship. (Hint: Don't go by stomachs.) Via Celebuzz:
Prince has been accompanying Kevin as he follows ex-wife Britney Spears all over the globe on her recent tour. Apparently, the couple had a pregnancy false alarm earlier this year, but this time things are serious!
A source says, "The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn't seem happy to hear the news."
Wasn't happy about the news? Jesus. He know he's Kevin Federline, right? By now he should realize any relationship he enters into is inevitably going to end in pregnancy. Whether it be romantic or getting a membership card at Blockbuster.
BRITNEY: How did this happen?
KEVIN: I dunno! I mean, I didn't let her eat Cheetos like I did with you. I just ejaculated directly into her vagina a lot while she wasn't using birth control. It just doesn't make any sense...
BRITNEY: That is weird, y'all. Like one of them miracles or something.
KEVIN: Seriously.
Oct 2 2009Kevin Federline is still fat as all hell
The still-rotund Kevin Federline was spotted outside Kabuki Sushi Bar in LA yesterday, and I have no idea why he's wheeling around a tiny suitcase. Although, I'm willing to bet money it holds a cow leg for him to chew on during the ride home.
KEVIN: Vicky, hand me mah cow leg.
VICTORIA: Honey, you left it in the trunk. I'll pull over in a minute.
KEVIN: *gulp*
VICTORIA: What did you just - wait, didn't we have both kids today?
KEVIN: I dunno.
I honestly don't know how things didn't work with Britney. They're soul mates.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Kevin After teh Jump
Sep 30 2009So Freaking Hot: Best of September
In case you were in a coma for the entire month of September, here's a look back at the Top 10 So Freaking Hot posts for the month. Feel free to catch up on what you missed, or relive the memory of getting fired for pretending the fax machine was Blake Lively's breasts. Wait, I did that. Anyone know when will I stop peeing toner?
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions because I care.
Scope Out The Top Ten So Freaking Hot Posts of Sept. After the Jump
Sep 2 2009Victoria Prince in a bikini and K-Fed's shirtless girth
The entire Spears clan, including divorced members and their girlfriends, must be in Miami because here's Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince hanging out by their hotel's pool yesterday. I love how Kevin's abandoned his dancer physique to channel Dom DeLuise yet somehow still has sex with a woman who's 100 times more in shape than Britney - on her dime. And all he had to do was conceive two kids. Do you know how easily they fit in golf bags? It's like they're barely even there.
Scope Out (28) Pics of Kevin & Victoria After the Jump
Continue Reading "Victoria Prince in a bikini and K-Fed's shirtless girth"
Jul 21 2009Kevin Federline wants his own reality show
Because KFC doesn't grow on trees, Kevin Federline wants to pitch a new reality show featuring his girlfriend VIctoria Prince and his sons Sean and Jayden according to E! News:
"Victoria is a big part of the series," says the source. "They are not engaged, but she lives with him full-time in his place in Encino."
Lucky for Victoria, Britney seems to have given the "step-in mommy" her seal of approval. "Victoria and Britney first met before Britney's tour at Kevin's home," says our source. "They had a meeting face-to-face, when Victoria was home alone with the kids. It was awkward, but Britney was nice."
When she isn't helping out with the kids, our source says that K-Fed's girlfriend, a former AVP volleyball player, is taking online graduate classes in communication. "Victoria actually quit her entry-level job at Fox Sports in L.A. after meeting Kevin," says the source. "She's considering returning to volleyball, but isn't sure."
I have to admit the premise sounds interesting. Mostly to see what habits the kids picked up from their mother.
VICTORIA: Kevin, why is Jayden using the washing machine like a giant cereal bowl?
KEVIN: Dammit all, Britney. -- Ooh, Count Chocula. Nom nom nom nom.
*RING RING*
VICTORIA: Who could that be? *picks up phone*
BRITNEY: DID Y'ALL JUST POUR SOME COUNT CHOCULA?!
VICTORIA: How did you-
BRITNEY: I'll be right over.
(I'm in.)
Continue Reading "Kevin Federline wants his own reality show"
Apr 8 2009Britney & Kevin: The Narrative That Keeps on Giving
Star continues its quest for journalistic excellence by milking the ever-living fuck out of the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline narrative. This time around the two wacky lovebirds are constantly having sex and were even caught in the act by Victoria Prince:
"It's like they're newlyweds all over again," a family insider tells Star Britney and Kevin, who have been traveling together for much of her Circus tour. "Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier."
But there's one rather tall issue standing in the way -- Kevin's girlfriend, 5'10 ex-volleyball star Victoria Prince, who actually caught Britney and Kevin having sex on the sly!
Victoria "caught him with his hand in the cookie jar," says a source.
"Hand in the cookie jar." Is that a sexual innuendo? Because with Britney and Kevin it could go either way. And by that I mean let's not pretend she hasn't found an awesome hiding place for Oreos. But, no, seriously, if Victoria Prince really saw these two having sex they would've found her body by now and ruled the cause of death as self-inflicted chainsaw wound to the retina. That's just science.
Apr 2 2009Britney Spears trying to make Kevin jealous
Britney Spears is reportedly hooking up with her 21-year-old backup dancer, Chase Benz (above), but apparently it's all an elaborate ruse to make Kevin Federline jealous. Because nothing wins your man back like making out with another dude in a public toilet. OK! Magazine reports:
Things got steamier the next night in Montreal, where the pair hooked up at The Circus Starring Britney Spears Tour's afterparty at Tribe Hyperclub.
"She sat on his lap and they kissed," an eyewitness tells OK!.
The duo then reportedly went into the bathroom and the door was blocked by bodyguards. "Nine minutes later, they came out," the eyewitness says.
Looks like the singer is in love again -- but insiders say it's not her dancer whom she desires: Britney has fallen for her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, and is trying to rebuild their broken family.
Oh, yeah, this is totally the way to go. Kevin's gotta be sitting at home just stewing with jealousy next to his athletic girlfriend who's never given birth and ignores his increasing fatness. How do you not give that up when the Dancing Doughgirl comes a knocking? And by "a knocking" I mean "has sex with another guy" - because she loves you!
Continue Reading "Britney Spears trying to make Kevin jealous"
Feb 7 2009Kevin Federline still incredibly fat
Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince were spotted in Vegas leaving the tables at the Venetian. God, I don't think I could ever get sick of looking at fat Kevin Federline. He looks like a cartoon character. And I don't know what it is, but it always looks like his shirt is on backwards. Or, like, his body is backwards. When I look at him from the neck down I'm not even sure I'm looking at human anatomy anymore.
