Oct 14 2009Jessica Simpson's weight mocked by FOX NFL
Burger King and FOX essentially teamed up to harpoon, I mean lampoon, Jessica Simpson's weight in a skit that ran on this past weekend's FOX NFL Sunday. You can scope out the video after the jump then decide what you hate more: Horribly written fat jokes or people who blatantly videotape their TV screens and post it on YouTube. Yes, we know, it's a magic box with movin' pictures. Congratulations on your discovery, Ponce de Leon.
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Sep 3 2009Tony Romo finds replacement for Jessica Simpson
Tony Romo is dating 22-year-old Miss Missouri 2008 Candice Crawford who also happens to be the sister of Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford. So you know he's not going to do anything about it except aloofly look into the camera. Us Magazine reports:
"She's not happy that it's out [in the media], but they weren't trying to hide," a source close to Candice tells Us the day after CelebTV.com first reported the coupling. "They've gone out to dinner in Dallas a bunch."
Granted, Tony Romo no longer has Jessica Simpson's large, bountiful breasts to play with, he also don't have to sword fight Joe Simpson every time he wants to touch a boob. Or clear off a pile of cheeseburger wrappers. That, too.
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Jul 30 2009Jennifer Aniston's headlights are on and other news
- Jon & Kate Plus 8 is still beloved by TLC. Then again, who doesn't love exploitation dollars? That shit's the best. [Just Jared]
- Tony Romo was "emotionally cheating" for months. Really? We're going to use complex terms for a situation involving Jessica Simpson? Why not? [Celebslam]
- Rachelle Lefevre gets another punch in the tits from Summit Entertainment. [Lainey Gossip]
- Seth Rogen has words for Katherine Heigl. [PopEater]
- Lindsay Lohan claims she dyed her hair blonde for a film role. HAHAHA! But, no, seriously, what's the real reason? Probation officer in town? [PopSugar]
- Megan Fox is tired of the Angelina Jolie comparison. Which is why she's marrying Billy Bob Thornton. That'll shut 'em up! [I'm Not Obsessed]
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Jul 29 2009Jessica Simpson's Diet of Vengeance
Since getting curbed by Tony Romo on her 29th birthday, Jessica Simpson has decided to seek revenge by getting her ass back in shape because apparently it was Tony who kept shoving her full of Ben & Jerry's. Yeah, Tony... OK! Magazine reports:
"Right after Tony ended things, Jessica said, 'I want my old body back,'" a friend of the singer reveals in the new issue of OK!. "She went into her kitchen, got a trash bag and started to clear it out."
And getting rid of the bad food isn't the only way she's slimming down. Jessica has been spotted several times in the last two weeks heading to celeb trainer Harley Pasternak's West Hollywood fitness center.
"Jess is serious about getting her body back into fighting shape," her pal reveals to OK!. "Working out is helping to give her focus and clear her head. It's better than sitting around moping or throwing pity parties with ice cream sundaes."
"She went into her kitchen, got a trash bag and started to clear it out." And by trash bag, she of course means Jessica's dad drove an entire garbage truck through the wall. Because there's nothing Joe Simpson hates more than fatties. Except for prudes. "But it's Daddy's birthday, sweetheart..."
Jul 27 2009Jessica Simpson banned from Tony Romo's house
Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo won't be friends anytime soon. She's currently persona non grata at his home in Dallas, according to Us Weekly:
The Dallas Cowboys quarterback instructed security to keep Simpson out of his gated community.
A sign at the entrance reads: "RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN....JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS."
Wow. Jessica Simpson warrants a "Red Alert?" What the hell has she been doing, manning a submarine in the duck pond across the street? "I'll get you back, Tony Romo. Even if I have to go to DEFCON-1. A-WOO-GA! *laugh snort burp*"
Okay, I can see that happening.
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Jul 22 2009Jessica Simpson's family wishes she was more like Ashlee
Now she's working out. Seen here leaving her trainer's house on Monday, Jessica Simpson's family is concerned for her emotional well-being after her recent break-up with Tony Romo, according to People:
So far, Simpson has been coping with the split by living a low-key life and seeking solace with her parents, who "encourage her to go out and have a good time, like she did this week," says the Simpson family friend.
But when she's out in public, "she feels she's being judged by the world and opts to hide out at home," says the friend. "The family feels bad for Jessica. They worry for her a lot."
That wasn't always the case. "The family used to have such faith in [Jessica] and they worried about Ashlee," says the family friend. "Now they are fully confident in Ashlee's choices and they worry most of their days about Jessica. It seems she just can't catch a break."
How big of a train wreck is Jessica Simpson at home that her parents think she should aspire to marry Pete Wentz and have a child named Bronx Mowgli? I mean, Christ, what's she doing? Sitting around crying while using a hammer to make sandwiches? "Jessica sad. Jessica make peanut butter go SMASH so Tony love Jessica again. Jessica promise no ask for babies no more. Jessica need sledge hammer for jelly."
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Jul 16 2009Jessica Simpson is 'sad and confused'
Apparently Jessica Simpson's break up with Tony Romo came out of nowhere and she had no clue anything was wrong, according to People:
"Jessica was really blindsided," says a Simpson family friend. "She's sad, mad, and confused. Her emotions are all over the place."
"Dating her comes along with her celebrity and press - that's not easy for anyone," says Simpson's family friend. "But she and Tony seemingly had it figured out. They rolled with the punches and focused on each other. They just lost sight of that at the end." Since the sudden split, Simpson has been laying low. "She is holding up okay," says the Simpson source. "She is with her family. They are - as always - very supportive of her."
The one thing the family will not support: The thought of Simpson reconciling with her ex-husband Nick Lachey, who recently split from his girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo. "It won't happen," says a source. "They have no respect for him. Jessica has no respect for him. There is way too much bad blood between Nick and Joe for Jessica to even think about it."
While Jessica is no doubt heartbroken, in Tony Romo's defense, I'm sure he tried to spell things out for her.
TONY: Jessica, listen, things aren't working out.
JESSICA: I swallowed a fly today!
TONY: That's great, babe. But, look, I want to see other people.
JESSICA: Ashlee still won't tell me where babies come from.
TONY: Uh huh. Well, hey, good talk. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to continue having sex with this stripper which you still haven't noticed.
JESSICA: Ha ha! Her shoes are clear!
Jul 15 2009Jessica Simpson's dad ruined her relationship with Tony Romo. Again.
First it was reports that John Mayer was still texting Jessica Simpson, now it seems Papa Joe was annoying the shit out of Tony Romo again causing him to bolt, according to FOX News:
Another inside source said that Jessica's manager/father Joe Simpson's meddling ways most likely took its toll on the relationship, which is the reason why they split the first time fourteen months ago. We're told Joe promised he'd take a step back when the couple reunited but he was still too involved in his daughter's private life.
"At one point Joe was even giving Tony football advice which doesn't go down well," said an insider. "Tony was a football superstar before he got mixed up in Hollywood, this move will be probably be good at least for his career."
And not to mention the pop princess/country crooner was eager to tie-the-knot again, something Romo apparently wasn't ready to do.
Okay, I've said some things about Joe Simpson in the past, but can you really blame the guy for wanting to bond with Tony? I mean, shit, his only son-in-law is Pete Wentz. You can only spend so many nights putting on black eyeliner before you snap and eat a raw steak while grabbing your daughter's breasts. Or so Joe told me at the titty bar where he was "laying low" for a couple of days.
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