Nov 17 2009Robert Pattinson is ready to brood for you now
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and that kid Summit Entertainment wants you to believe is banging Taylor Swift worked the crowdfor the LA premiere of The Twilight Saga: New Moon last night. Will Edward's skin sparkle for Bella because that somehow represents heterosexual love or will Jacob the wolf get some heavy petting? That's right, I went there. But only to prove a point that anyone can write Young Adult novels:
Meet Curtis the non-demanding zombie. He's content with just dry-humping and cuddling, but will his hunger for brains overcome his love for Stella, a shy young girl who would never amount to anything unless she finds a husband to impregnate her? Find out in 28 Mormons Later Infected Lust: Necking Just got a Whole Lot More BRAINY.
Scope Out (28) Pics of the New Moon Premiere After the Jump
Continue Reading "Robert Pattinson is ready to brood for you now"
Nov 5 2009Kristen Stewart probably shouldn't do interviews
While doing press for New Moon this week, Kristen Stewart played the always ridiculous "It's so hard being a rich actress in a successful franchise" card in a roundtable with Entertainment Weekly:
Asked about the endless rumors of her supposed off-screen romance with Pattinson, for instance, Stewart got nicely fired up. "I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it," she said. "But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about 'Well, you chose to be an actor, why don't you just f--ing give your whole life away?! Can I have your firstborn child?'"
Pattinson himself, who clearly loathes confrontation, tried to softly interject with philosophical statements about the need for an actor to hold onto his individuality. But Stewart cut him off. "I've thought about this a lot," she said. "There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Okay, we are. We aren't. I'm a lesbian.' I'm just trying to keep something," she said. "If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like 'F-- off!'
You know what's always smart? Letting the main actress in your cash cow franchise call your target audience "the fiending." Then again, I'm pretty sure they read this article and all they saw was "Blah blah blah 'Robert Pattinson will dry hump me if I buy a Twilight backpack' blah blah blah 'Kristen Stewart is a lesbian and no longer a threat to me' blah blah blah 'I wish I didn't read Breaking Dawn 400 times because now I no longer understand the English language' blah blah blah blah."
To prove my point, watch as I instantly quadruple the site's traffic: I totally just heard Edward Cullen will hold your hand in gym class if you click every single picture on The Superficial - twice. OMG!
(Why didn't I do this sooner?)
Continue Reading "Kristen Stewart probably shouldn't do interviews"
Oct 7 2009Katy Perry dresses like a 5 year old and other news
- Nick Nolte's son was arrested for DUI today. Lucky. The only thing my father and I ever did together was play catch and maintain open lines of communication. Way to be really there for me, dad. [PopEater]
- Dina Lohan launches Shoe-han and it's exactly as retarded as it sounds. [Lainey Gossip]
- Katie Price executes the always classic Britney Spears Umbrella attack. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Jennifer Lopez is "Lola" now. [Just Jared]
- Chris Brown is probably going to get sued by Wrigley's which totally ruins everyone's plans to make sure he suffers absolutely no consequences. Dammit, Wrigley's! [Celebslam]
- Shia LaBeouf meets Gordon Gekko. [PopSugar]
- Anna Nicole Smith was apparently our nation's most underrated acting talent. [The Blemish]
- Taylor Lautner just made Tom Cruise drop the shirt button he uses for a dinner plate. [Socialite Life]
Scope Out (16) Pics of Katy After the Jump
Continue Reading "Katy Perry dresses like a 5 year old and other news"
Aug 14 2009Justin Timberlake is a biker now and other news
- Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in the full New Moon trailer. [PopEater[
- Robert Downey Jr. in track pants carrying a man purse. I have no fucking clue. [Lainey Gossip]
- Audrina Patridge and her wonky breasts get denied a chance on Dancing with the Stars by MTV. [Celebslam]
- Nick Lachey probably masturbates with his tears a lot. [The Blemish]
- Rachel McAdams does The Daily Show. [PopSugar]
- Jennifer Aniston will sing in her next movie. Hopefully as a topless ninja or else that movie's gonna bomb. [Just Jared]
Continue Reading "Justin Timberlake is a biker now and other news"
Jul 23 2009Milla Jovovich's hotness is debatable and other news
- Paris Hilton's asinine claim that Michael Jackson named his daughter after her DEBUNKED. [Celebslam]
- Taylor Lautner totally dumped Selena Gomez for his ex Sara Hicks. -- So that's what it's like to write for Tiger Beat. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kelis awarded $55,000 in monthly child support from Nas after giving birth to their son this week. Jon Gosselin will wish he got off that easy. [PopEater]
- Megan Fox's Jonah Hex poster is corset-y. [Just Jared]
- Johnny Depp made a surprise visit to Comic-Con today at the beckoning of Tim Burton. Who saw that coming? Besides anyone who's seen a Tim Burton movie. [PopSugar]
- Heidi Montag is performing at the Miss Universe Pageant next month. Really? Heidi Montag? Performing without an entire sound crew digitizing every sound coming out of her face? Remind me to burn my TV that night. [I'm Not Obsessed]
Continue Reading "Milla Jovovich's hotness is debatable and other news"
Jul 16 2009Pamela Anderson is classy and other news
- Ivanka Trump is engaged. Great. Now where am I going to find a young, billionaire sugar mama with awesome breasts? Even if Donald makes another baby today, I'll be almost 50 by the time's it 18 which means I'll have to be the rich one. Stupid cockblocking capitalism, I hate you! [PopEater]
- Adrian Grenier and Ashley Greene continue to pretend they're not dating. Sort of like how Emmanuelle Chriqui and me are rocking it. I mean, not rocking it. Wink. [Lainey Gossip]
- Michael Jackson apparently had an insane collection of naked actresses from the 20s to today. -- Christ, he was misunderstood. [The Blemish]
- Gerard Butler is getting tired of rumors that he's dating Jennifer Aniston. For the last time, people, he's only sleeping with her when he's drunk. How about a little respect? [Just Jared]
- Batista of the WWE rocks a Speedo on the beach if you're into that sort of thing. Rupert Everett. I went there. [Celebslam]
- Taylor Lautner talks about bulking up so he could keep his role in New Moon. Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson skipped showering for the eighth day in a row and banged 25 women in his hotel room because the universe is a bitch. [PopSugar]
- David Beckham's kids want tattoos just like him. Really? Have they looked at their mother? Because that's what David's tattoos got him: Falcor with Breast Inflating Action. [ICYDK]
Jun 1 2009Miranda Kerr gets nude for Rolling Stone
- Taylor Lautner gets shirtless for New Moon trailer because there's nothing goth kids love more than raw athleticism. No, really. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Vanessa Hudgens might be increasing in hotness. Or that other chick she always hangs out with is looking less pretty. What's her face? Right, Zac Efron. [Celebslam]
- Jon Gosselin claims his female companions on Memorial Day were just family friends. Who he has sex with. No biggie. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Josh Brolin allegedly caught cheating on Diane Lane. Though, in his defense, maybe if he wasn't the only one consistently bringing home Oscar noms this wouldn't have happened. Just sayin'. [Lainey Gossip]
- Susan Boyle suffered a breakdown and was hospitalized after losing Britain's Got Talent. Yet somehow she still has more brute strength than Adam Lambert. [Allie is Wired]
- Daniel Craig and his torso are now an edible freezer pop - that looks like it's touching itself. You can't make this stuff up. [Just Jared]
