Oct 23 2009Tara Reid hired as a spokesmodel? What the fu...
Location: BlackBerry Spokesmodel Hiring Offices
EXEC #1: Well, it's your last day in this shithole, you gonna do something crazy? Maybe stir the coffee in the lounge with your penis? Flip everybody off? Take a dump on the boss's desk?
EXEC #2: Eh, something like that...
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Oct 9 2009Tara Reid is posing for Playboy
Hugh Hefner, what the fuck? From InTouch:
The American Pie star, who underwent a botched liposuction procedure in 2004, posed entirely nude for the popular magazine at a private residence on October 7 in Santa Monica, Calif. Although Tara, 33, was a bit nervous shooting, she seemed to ease into it as the day went on. "She was a bit insecure about her body when they first started," says an insider. "She looked great and finally got into the groove." Tara had said in the past that she would never pose for Playboy, saying, "I know there are problems with my stomach. There are bumps on it, it's uneven, but it's not that bad. My stomach scars are my battle wounds."
There's no way there's enough Photoshop in the world for this to even remotely resemble a good idea. The only thing less erotic would be pics of Pamela Anderson's naked body while she's getting a C-section. And just barely.
Jul 28 2009Tara Reid keeps wearing a bikini
Tara Reid continued her St. Tropez vacation yesterday by surprisingly ordering food instead of her usual canoe full of gin. Who knows? But in the meantime, I've figured out Tara Reid's like one of those Magic Eye posters: It's better to not stare directly at her. For example, I'm focusing on the sandwich, and I swear it's like I can see Clayface from Batman in her stomach. -- Wait.
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Jul 27 2009Tara Reid in a bikini: Pure majesty
Here's Tara Reid vacationing with her new boyfriend Michael Axtmann in St. Tropez yesterday, and you guys go ahead and enjoy. I'll be doing something a little less damaging to my eyes like, I dunno, staring directly into the sun for five hours. *opens window* AH! That's a healthy burn.
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Jul 24 2009Tara Reid is still a sloppy drunk and other news
- Jessica Simpson is looking happy. A little too happy. Which means the McRib's back. Aww yeah! [Lainey Gossip]
- Jennifer Lopez turned 40 today. 40?! So, wait, 10 years ago I was fantasizing about a 30 year old woman's ass? Ahh, gross. Remind me to go back in time and burn myself. Sick. [PopSugar]
- Amy Winehouse has been acquitted of assault charges for attacking a dancer trying to take her picture. Wait. Who's Amy Winehouse again? More importantly, does she have 800 Asian children? That shit is so in right now. [PopEater]
- Kelly Clarkson continues her journey to become a modern day Mama Cass. Someone hide the ham sandwiches. [Celebslam]
- Rihanna goes for the Ace Ventura look. Oh re-e-e-ally? -- Shoot me. Shoot me now. [The Blemish]
- Gwyneth Paltrow debones a chicken on GOOP. That "DAYAMN!" you just heard was Colonel Sanders' ghost who just informed me he'd "eleven herbs dat ass." [Just Jared]
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May 18 2009Tara Reid's mutant cleavage
Because she's synonymous with successful film-making, Tara Reid brought her cleavage of death to Cannes this weekend. I'm pretty sure that if you fell into the gap between her breasts, you'd not only see time collapse on itself, but you'd come back as a glowing space baby. Back me up, Stephen Hawking. Ow! Not into me with your chair. Ass.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Tara After the Jump
Apr 23 2009Tara Reid in a biki- AHH!
I know, as Americans, we're not supposed to torture. But sometimes I can't help myself. Now, where's the microfilm, you sonofabitch?! I can do this all day.
Apr 19 2009Tara Reid still horribly misshapen
Like a mutant with a drinking problem, Tara Reid crawled out of a bottle of gin to attend Coachella this weekend. Just looking at these photos, it's obvious at least one, if not five, of her breasts will soon migrate to her back, and her stomach will eventually morph into Kuato from Total Recall - but lumpier. Anyway, I digress. You guys come here for gossip, not eerily accurate medical diagnoses worthy of the Nobel Prize. (Just drop it in the mail.)
