Dec 20 2008Kevin Federline has a new lady
Kevin Federline took his Britney-replacement beach volleyball player Victoria Prince to Tao in Vegas last night, and if that's not the face of a man who just impregnated a woman, I don't know what is. (Read: I'm sterile. Ladies?)
NOTE: Also included Suge Knight scoping out K-Fed's ass, and loving what he sees, because sometimes it's important to remember we live in an insanely random universe - that I'm probably getting shot in. Whee.
Nov 19 2008Suge Knight needs to lay off the earring lawsuits (Or not. Please don't kill me.)
A recently bankrupt Suge Knight is apparently trying to sue anyone he can by claiming they caused him to lose his insanely expensive earrings. Of course, the thought that maybe he's in bankruptcy court because his earwear cost more than a small house is completely lost on him. TMZ reports and, if I'm reading this right, calls Suge Knight a prison bitch:
Suge claims in his U.S. Bankruptcy case that while he was in custody back in 2005, he was passed around like a $2 whore -- from Barstow police to the West Valley Detention Center to the California Institution for Men.
Somewhere along the way, Suge says his diamond stud earring was stolen.
Interesting, because Suge just filed a lawsuit against Kanye West, claiming West was responsible for another Suge earring heist. When Kanye was hosting a party in 2005, Suge was shot and his $135,000 earring was allegedly pilfered off his bleeding body.
On a related note, I'm suing Burger King for making me wait too long for my Whopper causing the loss of my 24" solid gold penis. Its estimated value is $2.6 million after factoring in the mini-bar, laser-firing capabilities and all leather interior. I'll see you in court. (Bring pickles.)
Aug 28 2008Suge Knight arrested for assaulting girlfriend with a knife
Suge Knight was arrested yesterday morning after police caught him beating his girlfriend in a parking lot. Suge was holding a knife at the time and was also in possession of Ecstasy and hydrocodone when officers arrived. The AP reports:
"A citizen sees the beating in a parking lot, police get there fast, they see him beating her. It's a good solid case," said Las Vegas police Lt. Chris Carroll.
"This is a very large man," Carroll said, estimating his weight at more than twice the woman's. "He was on top of her, actually in the act of violently beating her when the officers arrived, with the knife in his hand."
At least one officer drew a Taser stun gun as they approached Knight, said Officer Jacinto Rivera, a police spokesman. He said he did not know if the officers drew their handguns. Knight dropped the folding knife and was taken into custody without incident, Carroll said.
I see: Suge Knight can beat up his girlfriend but pisses himself at the sight of a Taser. Pfft! What a pussy.
I'm getting hung upside down from a balcony, aren't I? Neat.
