May 28 2009Chris Brown sued for assault - by an idiot
Chris Brown and LA Fitness are being sued by paparazzo Robert Rosen who tried to get a picture of Chris at the gym just days after the Rihanna incident. Robert instead got his ass handed to him by Chris' bodyguard and is suing for personal injury, according to People:
Rosen claims he was chased by the bodyguard, who yelled at him after taking the picture while Brown was playing basketball, and attempted to run away, but an employee of L.A. Fitness Club allegedly "tried to block [Rosen's] exit and grabbed his clothing and body."
Rosen broke free but then fell down a flight of stairs, the lawsuit says. The bodyguard then allegedly "picked [Rosen] up by his shorts, and physically assaulted him," according to the lawsuit. Rosen adds he was "severely injured and disabled, both internally and externally," claims he was falsely imprisoned, and is seeking damages covering his medical bills and emotional distress.
Rosen, who's also suing the fitness club for negligence and other claims, argues its employees did not adequately protect him.
Okay, sounds believable. Except if you watch the video above taken immediately after the "attack," Robert claims full responsibility for his broken leg, calls Chris Brown "a good guy" and says the bodyguard was just doing his job. If I was Robert's lawyer and saw this for the first time today, I'm pretty sure I'd have legal grounds to kick my client in the nuts. Or at least give him an Indian burn.
May 15 2009Jamie Spears: 'I had legal right to punch Sam Lutfi out'
Sam Lutfi is currently suing Jamie Spears and claiming Britney's dad assaulted him. Except Jamie's not taking this lying down and basically told the court he had the legal right to kick the shit out of Sam, according to TMZ:
In legal papers filed today, Jamie is very careful to not admit he punched Lutfi in the chest at Brit's house last year -- as Lutfi suggested in a recent lawsuit. However, Jamie says the law allows him to open a can of whoop ass if the situation calls for it -- and according to the docs, the Lutfi situation called for it.
Jamie claims "he was provoked" by Lutfi and was "privileged to use force in and about the matter complained."
He adds, "Any necessary force may be used to protect from wrongful injury the person or property of oneself, or a wife, husband, child, parent or other relative or member of one's family."
I can't even believe this is an ongoing court battle. I pretty much assumed Jamie's lawyers would simply point at Sam Lutfi and say "Hey, remember when we kept seeing Britney Spears' vagina? It was that guy's fault." BAM! Case closed. Who wants sandwiches?
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May 8 2009Paris Hilton is business savvy
In case anyone forgot Paris Hilton is a gigantic fucking idiot, here are some highlights from a pre-trial hearing she participated in yesterday. She's being sued for $8 million for failing to promote the 2006 comedy Pledge This! in which she starred and served as executive producer: Via Us Magazine:
On keeping a diary of business meetings:
"I just press my name and Google it and see."
On if she received calls from the producers:
"With my phone I never know, because I lose it all the time. I probably get a new cellphone, like, every two weeks." When shown a copy of her cell phone bill, she replied: "I've never seen a phone bill of mine in my life."
On promoting the film:
"Any chance I got, any red carpet, any press, if I was doing something for another product...I would just bring it up, 'Oh, my new sorority film, it's going to be sexy, it's going to be really hot girls.' Like, I really, you know, did my best."
On being the executive producer:
"I'm not sure what a producer does, but - I don't know, help get cool people in the cast?"
Apparently, this is Learn Some Personal Responsibility Week on The Superficial. First, we had a fashion designer who thought it'd be a good idea to get between Kiefer Sutherland and delicious bourbon. Now, film execs who decided to make Paris Hilton an executive producer. Really? Paris Hilton? I'm pretty sure you could've slapped sunglasses on a beagle and made a wiser investment.
Feb 26 2009Morgan Freeman allegedly drunk during car crash. Whoops.
Morgan Freeman's August car crash is coming back to haunt him. His female passenger Demaris Meyer is suing him for negligence and setting the record straight that she was not his mistress. The AP reports:
"I have been labeled as the other woman and have been accused of having caused the breakup of Mr. Freeman's marriage," Meyer said. "Nothing could be further from the truth. I had hoped and prayed that Mr. Freeman or his representatives would have set the record straight and cleared my name, but they have not done so and that is why I have chosen to come forward to tell the truth about our relationship." Meyer is suing for medical expenses, pain and suffering, lost wages, permanent disability and property damage.
Her lawsuit claims Morgan Freeman failed to pay attention to the road and obey the posted speed limit. Of course, being drunk off his ass might have something to do with it, according to TMZ:
Demaris Meyer claims on the night of the crash, she first met up with Freeman at dinner -- where she noticed "throughout the course of dinner and afterward drinks were consumed by Freeman."
Meyer then says she left dinner and met up with Freeman and others at a friend's home. She claims Freeman "had at least one more drink" while there. She claims Freeman then invited her to stay at his home for the night -- guaranteeing her not only her own bedroom, but her "own house." She says she agreed.
So, that's how you score with women: Offer them their own house for the night. All this time I've been laying newspaper down on the floor. But for the record, I always use the full color Sunday comics. Somebody's gotta keep romance alive.
Feb 4 2009Sam Lutfi is broke. Who saw that coming?
While nobody, including Sam Lutfi, thought his lawsuit against Britney Spears and her parents was for anything but money, TMZ has uncovered information that shows Sam is up to this douchebeard in debt:
According to documents obtained by TMZ, a lien was slapped on Lutfi's condo back in April. Lutfi never paid the debt, which grew to $18,507.58 by November.
The lien was filed by a debt collection agency on behalf of the homeowner's association where Lutfi has a condo.
According to docs, Lutfi has until February 10 to pay up or the condo could be forced into foreclosure.
And Lutfi has other financial issues. A bank that issued Sammy boy a Discover Card filed a lawsuit against him last month, claiming he owes $7,966.98.
Of course, legal eagle here has an iron-clad case with his alleged text from Britney Spears that reads "Sam, so that's fine, I want you to be my manager. You were right it's 15 percent of my money but for 4 years not 5." Because it's not like anyone could prove in court he had access to her phone while she was off her Frappucino rocker. Oh, wait.
Feb 3 2009Sam Lutfi sues Britney Spears and her parents
In an unbelievably retarded legal move, Sam Lutfi has filed a lawsuit against Britney, Jamie and Lynne Spears claiming "libel, defamation, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress and breach of contract." TMZ reports:
According to the papers, Sam claims Jamie and Lynn "launched a campaign of lies and intimidation designed to destroy Lutfi and drive him out of Britney's life."
In the lawsuit, Sam claims he was standing in Britney's kitchen on January 29, 2008 when Jamie stormed into the house. Lutfi alleges Jamie yelled at him, claiming Sam made a rude comment to Lynne the night before. Then, Sam claims, Jamie "intentionally punched him in the chest" and threatened to kill him if he ever heard Sam make a rude comment about Lynne or any member of the Spears family again.
All the claims of libel and defamation spring from Lynne's book, "Through the Storm." Lutfi says since the publication of the book, he "has been subjected to unfathomable amounts of ridicule and public scorn."
As for the breach of contract, Sam claims he had a verbal contract with Britney for 15% commission and wants his unpaid management fees. Considering she's been declared mentally handicapped by the state, that's the legal equivalent of me saying I have a verbal contract with Grimace for all the free cheeseburgers I can eat. Well played, Matlock.
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Jan 17 2009Jeremy Piven's next role? Guy getting sued
Jeremy Piven is getting his ass sued by the producers of "Speed-the-Plow," according to the AP:
They have filed a grievance with Actors' Equity Association, the stage actors' union, against Jeremy Piven for abruptly leaving the Broadway revival last month.
Piven quit the David Mamet comedy less than two months after it opened to favorable reviews at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre. The actor's doctor said Piven was unable perform because of high levels of mercury in his system, possibly caused by eating large amounts of raw fish.
I guess they didn't believe his performance for Diane Sawyer. Or they're just doing it for the halibut. Ha cha cha cha! I'm drowning myself in the tub now.
Nov 3 2008Keanu Reeves is 'The One' - who doesn't have to pay shit
Keanu Reeves won a lawsuit today when a jury of his peers determined he is not liable for the injuries of papparazzo Alison Shiva. Alison claims Keanu struck him with his Porsche in 2007 which damaged his wrist and caused him to lose work. Unfortunately, Alison is too stupid to realize he works around people with cameras all day who snapped pics of him chasing Britney Spears shortly after the alleged incident. The AP reports:
Over the course of four days, jurors heard how Silva gave contradictory statements about what happened and even saw a video of the celeb shooter using his supposedly damaged hand to scale down a chain link fence after getting video of Britney Spears.
Reeves stayed for the whole trial, testifying and signing the occasional autograph in the hallway.
How in the hell do you lose a lawsuit where Keanu Reeves gives testimony? That's got to be scientifically impossible. All this Alison guy had to do was point at the actor and say "Keanu Reeves was driving a vehicle," and the jury would yell "Guilty, guilty!" before jumping out the window in terror. In fact, I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself thinking about it. Nope, wait; false alarm. Pudding cup in my back pocket again. What? I love butterscotch.
