Aug 27 2009Kim Kardashian is a water goddess and other news

- Chris Brown will appear on Larry King Live - with his mommy and lawyer beside him. Seriously, how big of a pussy is this kid that he's afraid of questions from an octogenarian? Give it to me straight. [Lainey Gossip]

- Jeremy Piven has been vindicated for his departure from the David Mamet play Speed the Plow after an arbiter ruled he did not breach his contract. After the proceedings, the arbiter was generously tipped with Entourage Season 2 on DVD and is now suing to reverse his decision. [PopEater]

- Kristen Stewart is getting naked in an upcoming independent film. Now you ladies can see what your dear Edward's been hitting while your boyfriend masturbates under a blanket. It's the perfect date movie! [Celebslam]

- Natalie Portman enjoys rap songs about penises. Seriously. [PopSugar]

- Kate Gosselin makes Target employees escort her to car as if their lives aren't shitty enough. Nice one. [Just Jared]

- Anne Heche hates her ex-husband. Maybe you've heard. [The Blemish]

- Shania Twain proves she's learned her lesson about men - by getting married again. Smart! [ICYDK]

- George Clooney broke his hand after accidentally slamming it in a car door. And by car door I mean 20 naked cocktail waitresses. [Wonderwall]

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May 22 2008Shania Twain's (soon to be ex-)husband hates his penis

Chances are you've heard the reports that Shania Twain's 14 year marriage to producer Mutt Lange is in the crapper. Turns out ol' Mutt has been seeing another woman, if that's what you want to call the thing standing next to Shania. (I'm going with "Jabberwocky.") If that's not enough, the lady in question Marie-Anne Thiebaud was also a close friend/employee of Shania, according to People:

"Mutt and Marie-Anne left their spouses for each other and are still in a relationship," says one source, adding that the Swiss employee was a fixture in the household Twain, 42, and Lange, 59, shared with their son, 6-year-old Eja D’Angelo.
"Their two families would vacation and spend holidays together," says the source. "Shania considered Marie-Anne one of her best friends."

Wait, that Marie-Anne chick is only 37 yet looks like 42-year-old Shania Twain's mother? That God is one funny bastard. But, seriously, does draft beer and comic books shoot out of her ears during sex? Because, otherwise, I'm at a total loss here. Or, wait, is Mutt Lange blind? That's it isn't it? Dude's blind. BAM! I should solve crimes.

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