Aug 19 2008Roseanne Barr says more crazy shit

Roseanne Barr got people's attention yesterday by flinging a bucket of crazy at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Now, she's getting invites to talk shows and knows people are reading her blog. Whoops! But at least she's writing absolutely insane shit that makes the collected works of Britney Spears read like Charles Dickens - if he loved Burger King:

all celeb news is calling me to come on their shows and talk about my "attack" on brangelina. They say nothing about my attacks on howard dean, pumas, obama, hillary, maureen dowd, bush cheney, pelosi, congress, religion capitalism and satan though...I liked angelina til i heard her say she likes insane mccain for potus. By the way, I think elizabeth hasselberg is a f'r s're closet case that wants to get whipped by sherri shepherd in a black corset while old babs slaps a riding crop on both of their exposed butt-oxes. love, crackpot granny!

Roseanne then took time off from her erotic The View fan-fiction to backtrack on her comments about Brad and Angelina. Why do I get the feeling somebody got a Vietnamese kid thrown at her house this morning?:

i do not know brangelina and do not mean to personally impugn them as they might be good people in the flesh, but the media's images of them are smelly and vile, and I must always attack the media's representation of what is good or cool, because those who inhabit the media world of glamour and entertainment and fashion and gossip are horrid people who have no talent of any kind, and yet think of themselves as tastemakers. taste my sandy buttcrack, tmz, and perez!

You mean, I'm not invited for sandy buttcrack? Now I'll never know what it feels like to truly live.

Aug 18 2008Roseanne Barr goes on insane offense against Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt (Is it Crazy Day?)

Roseanne Barr must've decided she wanted to feel relevant this weekend and posted an entry on her blog attacking Jon Voight, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I'll give kudos to Roseanne for calling Glenn Beck a "used tampon" before she dives completely off the deep end in an ultra-liberal rant that makes Rosie O'Donnell look like Rush Limbaugh. I'm, of course, talking politically and not physically because, until last week, I swore they were twins:

[Jon Voight] is a frightened little girl in a pink ballet tutu, who acts like Obama just wandered in from the rain forest with a bone thru his nose and a communist pamphlet in his loincloth. The neocons who own jon voight and make him dance on the chabad telethons are the worst most elitist people on earth. glen beck and jon voight are their bitches... both of them are used tampons who must be flushed down the toilet immediately! jon voight your evil spawn angelina jolie and her vacuous hubby brad pitt make about forty million dollars a year in violent psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more. (just sayin').

Wow. Somebody's going through the change. Did she just attack Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie for providing a home to poor underprivileged children? Yeah, these two are clearly diabolical. I bet next they'll build a hospital for AIDS victims. God, what a pair of assholes. If only some heroic comedian that everyone assumed was dead would lambaste them on her blog. Oh, wait.

May 9 2008George Clooney once propositioned by Roseanne, it, uh, didn't work

George Clooney sat down with Rolling Stone movie critic Peter Travers Wednesday night for a special screening of Leatherheads. During the Q & A, The Chinned One discussed his acting past and his experiences on the set of Roseanne which included a sexual offer from Roseanne. WARNING: If you just ate, skip to the witty banter after the quote. People reports:

"I worked on her first series, and when I met her she said, 'You're really good looking, why don't you take me out behind the stage and make me stink.' She was unbelievably kind to me at a time when no one was."

Clooney, being a rookie actor, couldn't answer with his honest response which I'm sure was something along the lines of: "Well, it looks like somebody already beat me to it. And by somebody I mean a pack of teamsters, Tom Arnold and, judging by your shirt, a hot roast beef sandwich - with fries."

NOTE: I make the same face as the Clooney above every morning in front of my mirror. While on George it says, "Hi, I'm George Clooney. I'm suave and debonair," on me it says, "Hi, I'm The Superficial Writer. I wear Spider-man jammies, ladies."

Thanks to veggi whose pick-up line is so powerful, the Pentagon classified it as "Nuclear Sexy."

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Apr 11 2008Roseanne Barr had work done - 'down there'

Roseanne Barr stopped by The Late Late Show to chat with Craig Ferguson. She brought up her single status and (Brace yourself) vaginal rejuvenation surgery. She now claims to have a "va-junior." Ha ha *HORF* Fortunately, no one was hurt because, as usual, only five people watched Craig Ferguson and six of them were drunk. But I felt like sharing the footage with you because, well, I really love you guys. I don't say it enough lately, so hopefully this let's you know how I truly feel. Without further ado I present for your viewing pleasure: Roseanne Barr talking about her noonerhole. Enjoy.

Thanks to Kelly who is never allowed on my couch while watching Roseanne.