Aug 19 2009Jon Gosselin has to be kidding me and other news

- Jason Schwartzman got married which was probably awesome until everyone kept comparing the reception to Rushmore. [PopEater]

- Nicole Kidman has been reduced to reality television. Have you no tiny heart in your tiny chest, Tom Cruise?! [Lainey Gossip]

- Renee Zellweger isn't bringing Bradley Cooper on the red carpet yet. Though in all fairness, anything more attractive than a zucchini will make her look ugly by comparison. [PopSugar]

- Ricky Martin takes his "Let's Face It, I'm Gay" twins to the beach. [Just Jared]

- Amy Winehouse might be a contestant on the UK version of Dancing with the Stars. I might hate reality TV with the very essence of my being, but I would watch the fuck out of that. I don't care who knows it. [Celebslam]

- Celine Dion is pregnant with an eight-year-old embryo. Looks like Canadian health care ain't so bad after all. (Ignoring the fact she might've had procedure done in U.S. and is super rich.) [Splash News]

- Brooke Hogan bailed out of a concert in New York because she's stressed out about what people think. Really? I figured she'd be adjusted to the penis theories by now. [The Blemish]

Jun 19 2009Kendra Wilkinson has a bachelorette party

- Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper had a conveniently photographed date last night. Somewhere Angelina is still not giving a shit. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ricky Martin has finally come out of the closet. The completely transparent one that might as well not even be there. [Celebslam]

- Heidi Klum is getting her own Barbie doll. -- Anyone know how many Barbies it take to fill up a standard size bathtub? No reason. [Pink is the New Blog]

- Angelina Jolie is just like a refugee mom. Only 100 billion times richer. [Just Jared]

- Nicky Hilton says Paris is "doing fabulous" after breaking up with Doug. And by fabulous she means Cristiano Ronaldo's penis. [ICYDK]

- Lindsay Lohan and Ryan Seacrest? Why not? He's secretly gay, and she's a fake lesbian. They're already not having sex like a married couple. [PopSugar]

Continue Reading "Kendra Wilkinson has a bachelorette party"

Aug 21 2008Ricky Martin pulls a Clay Aiken who pulled a Michael Jackson who - you see where I'm going with this

Ricky Martin is apparently the father of twin boys. Unmarried, ungirflriended Ricky Martin. Turns out he decided to rock the ol' rent a uterus and had a surrogate mother deliver him a pair of sons. The AP reports:

"The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky's full-time care," said the statement. "Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children."
A representative said there was no further information on the details of the children's birth.

Ricky Martin, much like Clay Aiken, has been constantly plagued by rumors that he's gay. And, much like Clay Aiken, he chose the absolute worst possible route to dispel those rumors. What did these two sit in a room together and spitball ideas on how to look straight?

RICKY: We could maybe make love to the strippers, no?
CLAY: I dunno if that'll work, Ricky...
RICKY: How 'bout if we impregnate a woman?
CLAY: Wait... that's it. We'll impregnate women! But without touching their vaginas. My God, it's perfect.
RICKY: Why would we not touch the vagina? What's wrong with vagina?
CLAY: Christ, man, have you ever seen one before? I hear they not only have teeth but can look into a man's soul.
RICKY: I'll get the test tubes.