Aug 1 2008Mini-Me suing ex-girlfriend, claims she beat the midget snot out of him
Verne Troyer (a.k.a. Mini-Me) is suing his ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider. Mini-Me claims she literally tossed his ass around like a rag doll, and he's seeking $20 million in damages, according to TMZ:
Verne's killer lawyer, Ed McPherson, tells TMZ, "When you pick up a 2'8" human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts."
In the lawsuit, Troyer basically says the chick terrorized him, once picked the lock to his bedroom door, pushing away a 100 pound scooter that was used to block the door, and then throwing him to the floor."
"When you pick up a 2'8" human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts." BFFFFFT! And there went my coffee. That said, anyone else get the impression Ranae works at a daycare?
Jul 7 2008Mini-Me's ex breaks the silence on making amateur midget porn: A woman's journey
Cashing in while the iron's hot, Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer's ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider sat down for an interview with News of the World to openly discuss the couple's sex life. I will never, ever in my entire life write anything as funny as the unintentional hilarity that comes out of Ranae's mouth. This chick should do Vegas:
On sex in general with a midget:
"So I'd lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn't quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn't wear a condom. There was no point, they're all too big. On the whole though, he wasn't short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size."
On their first time and the Mini-Me's magical rebound skills:
"I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn't reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing."
On why midget's prefer sex on dry land:
"I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub," she said. "Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn't see him."
Mini-Me almost drowns trying to do his girlfriend in a bubble bath. Jesus. *hangs up keyboard* Sorry, guys, you just can't follow something like that. I'll be simultaneously laughing/crying/inhaling White-Out in the supply closet until the next post. Hold my calls.
UPDATE: I'M A PTERODACTYL! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! P.S. We're out of White-Out.
Continue Reading "Mini-Me's ex breaks the silence on making amateur midget porn: A woman's journey"
Jun 27 2008Mini-Me files lawsuit over sex tape
Verne Troyer (a.k.a. Mini-Me) is suing the pants off of TMZ for showing footage of him without his tiny pants. Apparently, Mini-Me filmed a sex tape with ex-girlfriend Ranae Shrider (above) and, like any good amateur porn, it was stolen and found its way online. His lawyers claim to have sent several cease-and-desist letters before and after TMZ posted the footage. E! Online reports:
In addition to the gossip purveyor, which just posted the footage yesterday, Troyer has also sued One Night in Paris peddler Kevin Blatt. He claims that Blatt, who's known for his celeb-porn brokering ways, somehow acquired the stolen tape and, according to TMZ, is currently entertaining a $100,000 distribution offer from SugarDVD.
Troyer is alleging violation of privacy, copyright infringement, trademark infringement, violation of right to publicity and misappropriation of name and likeness.
Mini-Me made a sex tape? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
UPDATE: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
EDIT: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!* But, in all seriousness, did they use a tripod or just lay the camera on the floor?
*HA HA HA HA HA HA!
