Dec 17 2008Anne Hathaway dumped Raffaello Follieri over dead flowers
You'd think the reason Anne Hathaway and Raffaello Follieri broke up is because of his illegal activities bilking real estate investors out of money by pretending to work for the Vatican. Guess again. Turns out the deal-breaker was an arrangement of wilting cherry blossoms, according to The Sun:
She said of the flowers: “They lasted a month and were beautiful even as they died. Raffaello always liked things fancier and perfect and told our maid to throw them out. That was when I knew we saw things differently.”
So, let me see if I got this straight:
1. Being a giant ball of fraud who dresses like a priest in his confidence scams: Let's move in together!
2. Apparently not even able to speak English: What're ya gonna do?
3. Took nude photos of you: Adorable.
4. Made you pay the bills: So dreamy.
5. Threw away some dead flowers: GET THE FUCK OUT!
Ladies, I really don't want to believe all women are crazy, but goddamn...
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Nov 13 2008Anne Hathaway's ex: 'Prison is yucky'
Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend con-man Raffaello Follieri isn't having any fun in jail and wants you to come pick him up. Aww. He's serving a four and a half year sentence in federal prison for falsely claiming to be a CFO for the Vatican who's got some great real estate for you - except, not really, he's buying a yacht with your money. Psyche! Anyway, Raffaello's lawyer recently sent a letter to a judge with a list of complaints about this prison place. The AP reports:
"Mr. Follieri reports that he is in a windowless dormitory with approximately 120 other men," the letter said. "He says that he cannot eat because the food appears to be spoiled and that the toilet and shower facilities are unspeakably unsanitary. e.g., there is excrement in the shower and rats are roaming freely in the area. He says the stench is intolerable."
Anyone else feel surprisingly good about paying taxes right now?
Oct 24 2008Anne Hathaway's ex gets 4 1/2 years in prison
Raffaello Follieri, the con-man ex-boyfriend of Anne Hathaway, was sentenced to 4 1/2 years in prison yesterday stemming from his guilty plea to 14 counts of wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy. Raffaello had claimed he was a Chief Financial Officer for the Vatican and bilked real estate investors out of millions of dollars. People reports:
Through an interpreter, Follieri delivered a statement, in which he said, "The most important thing I want the court to know is I was not raised with bad values. … I started off with good intentions, determined to run an honorable business and make everyone proud of me."
But, he admitted, "What I did was wrong and there is no point in making excuses. … I will never be able to wash away the shame. … I just hope that someday those who have been hurt by my actions will forgive me."
Wait. Why the hell did Raffaello need an interpreter? He dated Anne Hathway for years and you're telling me the guy doesn't speak English. Jesus. How does that even work?
ANNE: Raffaello, what you just tried to do requires consent from your lover first. You don't want to surprise a lady with that, uh, kind of entrance.
RAFFAELLO: What if I a-show you a, how you say, photographs, of me with-a the pope-a?
ANNE: You showed me those when you left the toilet seat up.
RAFFAELLO: I'm-a so sorry. I no speak-a the English.
ANNE: But you've worked in a New York City real estate office for years.
RAFFAELLO: I make-a the meatballs!
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Oct 21 2008Anne Hathaway's ex is an idiot
Anne Hathway's con-man ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri is seeking leniency in his federal case for conspiracy and wire fraud. However, prosecutors (and I'm sure the defense also) we're surprised when Raffaello sent the judge pictures of himself with the pope and other high-ranking priests, according to the AP:
They urged the judge Thursday to impose the more than four years in prison that Raffaello Follieri agreed to when he entered a guilty plea last month rather than the three years his defense lawyers requested in a recent submission of their own.
The prosecutors said Follieri included pictures of the pope and other clergymen even though his claims of Vatican ties were the foundation of his fraud.
"This is surprising because Follieri used these same photographs and connections in order to defraud investors and now seeks to use them in an effort to obtain a reduced sentence," they said.
Wow. What a fucking idiot. Seriously, that's like O.J. trying to prove his innocence by stabbing another wife: "See, your honor? I can't be the killer. Now would you mind hiding this knife for me?"
Oct 1 2008Anne Hathaway grilled about Raffaello Follieri on Letterman
Anne Hathway stopped by Letterman last night to promote her new film Rachel Getting Married, and the conversation quickly moved to her relationship with convicted con-man Raffaello Follieri. Unlike Paris Hilton, Anne didn't pout like a spoiled brat, and took the grilling pretty well. Even when she looked to Paul Shaffer for support who asked if Raffaello ever walked up to her dressed like the Pope. C'mon, Paul, everyone knows the answer to that: Only when he needed her social security number.
Video after the jump.
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Sep 19 2008Anne Hathaway didn't rat out Raffaello Follieri
Anne Hathaway was believed to be an informant for the Feds which led to the arrest of her con man ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri. But TMZ reports it was actually Raffaello's assistant who sang like a canary:
As a federal affidavit demonstrated, a Follieri assistant told investigators about a safe where Raffa kept documents. The feds then seized the safe in his $37,000-per-month apartment.
I dunno what this says about Anne Hathway's character, but at least we know she'd make an awesome Mafia girlfriend. On top of that, she'll pay your rent and let you take pictures of her naked. So, on that note, Anne, I'm part Italian. Now, let's make-a the pizza pie-a with-a the spaghetti rent's due the first of the month. Also, have you seen my camera?
Sep 11 2008Anne Hathaway, Raffaello Follieri and John McCain are on a boat...
Anne Hathaway's ex Raffaello Follieri pled guilty yesterday to fraud after he pretended to be a CFO for the Vatican and bilked investors out of money. Today, he began repaying the government as part of his plea bargain and - wait a minute - who's that guy in the purple hat? He looks familiar and possibly dying. Why it's Republican presidential candidate John McCain! Ha ha ha, what in the hell? The Nation explains:
The photograph substantiates reports that in late August, 2006, McCain celebrated his 70th birthday aboard a yacht, the Celine Ashley, rented by A-list con man Raffaello Follieri and his then-movie star girlfriend Anne Hathaway.... McCain is shown boarding the yacht ramp towards the smiling Follieri and Hathaway. Just ahead of McCain and shaking hands with Follieri appears to be Rick Davis--McCain's top aide and now co-manager of his campaign, who accompanied him on the trip and advised the government of Montenegro. A few months after McCain's yacht party, Follieri strengthened his ties to McCain's orbit by retaining Rick Davis's well-connected Washington lobbying firm, Davis Manafort, and offering Davis both an investment deal and help in securing the Catholic vote for McCain's presidential bid.
For the record, my sources inform me there's absolutely nothing scandalous going on here at all, folks. John McCain just loves him some Princess Diaries. Not a fan of the sequel though. Upsets his angina.
Thanks to Ben for recognizing this site is a haven of intellectual debate - and jokes about my penis. Frankly, I don't see how you can have one without the other.
Sep 10 2008Anne Hathaway's ex pleads guilty
Con-man and former doer of Anne Hathaway, Raffaello Follieri pleaded guilty today to charges of wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy. He's staring at five years in prison and possible deportation. E! Online reports:
"I did not have investor authorization to use the money that way," the 30-year-old Follieri stated after pleading guilty to all 14 counts stemming from his June 24 bust. "I knew what I did was wrong."
Follieri has been negotiating with prosecutors to reach a deal on a litany of charges. Authorities said the Italian import lied about Vatican ties in order to buy church properties well below their going rate only to flip them at a fast profit as well as diverting up to $6 million from investors to finance his—and an unknowing Hathaway's—high-rollin' lifestyle.
All told, he pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy, eight counts of wire fraud and five counts of money laundering. As part of his plea, he also agreed to pay back $2 million.
Anne Hathaway still asserts she had no idea about Raffaello's shady dealings. Apparently, he tricked her to believing everyone that works in real estate owns ceremonial priest garbs and straps uncirculated bills to their inner thighs. Okay, sure. In the meantime, I wonder what else he conned her into. Wait, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Twister! Anal?! Jesus, man, I totally wasn't thinking that - until now. Can I change my answer?
