Nov 13 2009Joanna Krupa in Playboy
Here's model/actress/Maxim's Sexiest Swimsuit Model in the World Joanna Krupa posing for the December issue of Playboy and breaking the annoying streak of quasi-celebs refusing to go nude FOR PLAYBOY. That's like owning a titty bar and letting the strippers wear sweaters and beekeeper outfits. Or whatever metaphor fully captures my desire to see Heidi Montag's breasts light on fire. I'm not picky.
Pics link to NSFW versions.
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Oct 9 2009Tara Reid is posing for Playboy
Hugh Hefner, what the fuck? From InTouch:
The American Pie star, who underwent a botched liposuction procedure in 2004, posed entirely nude for the popular magazine at a private residence on October 7 in Santa Monica, Calif. Although Tara, 33, was a bit nervous shooting, she seemed to ease into it as the day went on. "She was a bit insecure about her body when they first started," says an insider. "She looked great and finally got into the groove." Tara had said in the past that she would never pose for Playboy, saying, "I know there are problems with my stomach. There are bumps on it, it's uneven, but it's not that bad. My stomach scars are my battle wounds."
There's no way there's enough Photoshop in the world for this to even remotely resemble a good idea. The only thing less erotic would be pics of Pamela Anderson's naked body while she's getting a C-section. And just barely.
Sep 8 2009Kate Gosselin offered $400K to do Playboy
Kate Gosselin was reportedly offered $400,000 to pose for Playboy, but turned down the offer, according to NY Daily News:
"Hugh sent her a letter, but Kate was totally mortified and threw it away!" a source told Star Magazine. "She didn't think it was appropriate because of the children."
Despite being "proud of the way she looks," Kate was baffled by the offer.
Of course, a cheaper alternative would be to pay somebody to shoot $100,000 into the air while standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon. Same basic principle. That said, anyone get the feeling Hugh Hefner is just randomly asking people to pose for Playboy? I'm waiting for him to show up on the set of Sesame Street offering Elmo his own spread for half a bowl of soup. "Do you like soup, Elmo? It makes me feel warm. Now take off your pants, oh my God, somebody's fisting you. NURSE!"
Continue Reading "Kate Gosselin offered $400K to do Playboy"
Sep 1 2009Lindsay Lohan considering Playboy
Because collagen is expensive, Lindsay Lohan is mulling a $900,000 offer to get naked for Playboy, according to Hollyscoop:
Australian tabloid The Day claims the mag initially offered Lilo half a million to pose nude, but she turned it down.
But Playboy has reportedly upped the ante to $900K, and we hear she's considering it! Sources say, "Playboy has been asking her for years, but it's only now she's excited about doing it."
If Lindsay's smart, she'll take the money before Playboy realizes she'd do it for a bag of flour with the word "Coak" written on it.
Aug 19 2009Heidi Montag will reveal more in next Playboy shoot
After showing basically nothing in her recent Playboy shoot, Heidi Montag hints that she might be posing for them again and will maybe look like she actually belongs in the fucking magazine. Us Weekly reports:
"Always leave them asking for more," she said on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday. "Next time, I'll have more to reveal."
Asked if she has a two- or three-part Playboy deal, she coyly replied, "Maybe." Though many of the photos were racy, she said she didn't feel she compromised her Christianity.
"For me personally, I feel like God created the body, and the body is beautiful," she said. "The way God created us was naked. So I am not ashamed of it. I'm proud of it... This was such a blessed experience."
A blessed experience, huh? So was Jesus working the Photoshop afterward, or did he just stand in the background offering suggestions? "Yeesh, that chin. I don't know what daddy was thinking. Can we get rid of at least half of it? I want to cry just looking at it. Nas-tee. Now who wants mochaccinos? I'm buying."
And, yes, I did just make Jesus gay.
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Aug 14 2009Heidi Montag in Playboy
Because everyone knows Christ loves him some tasteful porn, here's Heidi Montag posing for the September issue of Playboy, and I pretty much feel like I'm reading the Bible right now. Mostly because I don't believe any of this is real and I want to beat Spencer Pratt about the face with it. No nudity clause. REPENT!
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Aug 7 2009Heidi Montag's Playboy Cover
Heidi Montag unveiled her new Playboy cover at the LA premiere of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra last night which is smart considering it's a film aimed at fanboys whose only sexual outlet is porn. However, it's not so smart when you realize it's also aimed at eight-year-old boys.
SPENCER: Psst. Hey. Hey, kid. Want to look at almost-naked pictures of my wife in a restroom stall?
KID: Not really. But you can.
SPENCER: What?! Gross.
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Jun 19 2009Olivia Munn does Playboy
G4's Olivia Munn posed for Playboy Heidi Montag-style which makes no sense whatsoever. Seriously, when did Playboy become Maxim all of sudden? It's almost like we've been sucked into some sort of parallel universe where everything is backwards. Quick, someone check outside and see if women are allowed to drive. Then we'll know something's up.
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