Nov 20 2009Now who's gonna snowmobile with Tom Cruise?
Leaving Tom Cruise with no couch to jump on, save those of shirtless sailors and dollhouses, Oprah Winfrey announced today she'll be ending her talk show after 25 years on the air. Via People:
"After much prayer and careful thought, I decided that next season, season 25 will be the last season," Winfrey told audience members. "I love this show. ... This show has been my life and I love it enough to know when it's time to say goodbye."
Winfrey, 55, thanked her viewers for their support over the years. "These years with you, our viewers, have enriched my life beyond all measure," she said. "We've grown together. You've raised your families, had your children. And left a spot for me in the mornings or the afternoons. ... I want you all to know my relationship with you is one that I hold very dear."
The Superficial would like to offer its sincere condolences to anyone whose sole plan to own a car included being in Oprah's audience. However, I heard she chucks them out the window at squirrels getting into her garden, so if you can manage to cross the moat and dodge the machine gun turrets, there's still hope.
Continue Reading "Now who's gonna snowmobile with Tom Cruise?"
Sep 4 2009Chris Brown to Oprah: 'Bitch, get my back!'
In his Hey, Please Buy My Music issue of People, Chris Brown takes a swing at Oprah for having a domestic violence episode of her show - dedicated to Rihanna:
"I commend Oprah on being like, 'This is a problem,' but it was a slap in my face. I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could have been more helpful, like, 'Okay, I'm going to help both of these people out.'"
Chris, she did it for the same reason you slapped on a bow tie and went on Larry King: Marketing. Also, dancing at a school for Oprah doesn't really give you a free pass to rearrange Rihanna's face right before the Grammys. I understand where you might think it does, but I also understand you wish you could order a solid gold pizza so your friends will be all like "Day-amn!"
May 9 2009Oprah Winfrey evacuated
Oprah Winfrey's Montecito mansion is being evacuated after the Southern California wildfires have come within a few miles of it. Us reports:
The source tells Us that movers arrived at the talk show host's $50 million mansion, which is located just outside of Santa Barbara, and have been packing her belongings to prepare for the evacuation as the blaze continues to spread.Winfrey was not at the house on Friday, as she was taping The Oprah Winfrey Show in Chicago.
"The fires are nearby, but her house is not within the mandatory evacuation area," A rep for Winfrey tells Us. "We're continuing to monitor."
Winfrey purchased the 6-bedroom property -- which covers 42 acres and is 23,000 square feet -- in 2001. Michael Douglas and Rob Lowe also live in the area.
So Oprah had to evacuate her $50 million 23,000 square foot mansion which she wasn't even at because she was in her other even bigger mansion in Chicago. That poor woman, won't things ever just go her way? Maybe we can organize some sort of fund raiser for her. Keep your chin up, Oprah, I'm sure things will eventually turn around for you.
Apr 17 2009Jessica Simpson's parents are f-cked up
- Jessica Simpson's mom is apparently also obsessed with her daughter's breasts. Or she could just be trying to find a common interest with her husband. Married people are weird. [Celebslam]
- Oprah is on Twitter! Her first tweet-to-tweet was with Jimmy Fallon, and yet she continued to use the service. Is Oprah drinking again? [Just Jared]
- Elle Macpherson is still hot proving my theory that supermodels are cyborgs. It also proves my theory I'd have sex with a robot. Not counting the time R.O.B. took advantage of me in college. Last time I clean out the attic. [Lainey Gossip]
- Shia LaBeouf had trouble not falling in love with Megan Fox while filming the Transformers movies. "It's hard. It's really hard," he says. Meanwhile, Megan Fox is wondering "What would Angelina do?" Hope Shia likes kids. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Zac Efron and Jason Statham hate shirts and everyone thinks it's cool. I hate condoms and everyone's like "Whoa, there. I'd prefer if you not use my bathroom." Hypocrites. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Susan Boyle is about to get that paper. Forbes says she's poised to be a future multi-millionaire. Somewhere, Tron Guy sulks sadly while holding an eviction notice. Damn youse, cruel world! [Radar Online]
Mar 9 2009Oprah Winfrey on Rihanna & Chris Brown. Finally!
Like anyone with a pulse, I was about to pee myself in anticipation for Oprah Winfrey to weigh in on the Rihanna/Chris Brown scandal. Finally, that time has come. On her show Friday, The Big O laid it out for the two recently reunited, and potentially married, lovebirds. Via People:
"Chris Brown and Rihanna, if I was your friend, I would call you up and I would say, 'Give it some time, get yourself some counseling, take care of yourself,' " Winfrey said during a live, roundtable discussion Friday on her talk show. "'Heal yourself first.''
She additionally strongly advised, "And also, love doesn't hurt. I've been saying this to women for years: 'If a man hits you once, he will hit you again.' "
What? No free cars? Yeah, now they're really gonna listen. Jesus, Oprah, way to drop the ball. I bet Dr. Phil's waxing down two Ford Escapes as we speak, and yes, I so went there.
Video after the jump.
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Jan 14 2009Oprah wants to marry Kate Winslet's breasts
Oprah Winfrey must be feeling the effects of her new diet because she practically proposed marriage to Kate Winslet's breasts on her show yesterday. Us Magazine reports:
"I love the fact that you have real breasts, 'cause in all the breast scenes, your breasts do what real breasts do," she said Tuesday on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
"There's that wonderful thing, you know, if you are a woman, you're lying on your back, your breasts they go to – they part – but if you look at a woman with not real breasts, their breasts are sticking straight up," she told the actress, who won two Golden Globes Sunday. "That's how you know. God bless your real breasts!"
Wait a minute, I see what's happening here: Oprah's after my job! Yeah, well, two can play at this game. I want everyone to reach under their seats - and pull out the keys to your new car! WHOO! Now, I realize some of you might not have keys under your chair and that's because, congratulations, your parents told me you were adopted. True story.
See, Oprah? You're not the only one who's every woman. (Not counting my penis) It's on!
Continue Reading "Oprah wants to marry Kate Winslet's breasts"
Dec 29 2008Jennifer Lopez & El Skeletor to remain married
- Jennifer Lopez, despite rumors to the contrary, is not getting a divorce, according to her rep. Oh, well, if her rep says so, then it must be true. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get one of these rep people to tell a child support judge I've been sterile my entire life. Infallible logic wins again! [E! Online]
- Jessica Simpson's boyfriend Dallas quarterback Tony Romo collapsed in the shower after suffering a rib injury in yesterday's game against the Eagles. At this time, I'd like to point out to Jessica Simpson that all my ribs are in working order. Just putting it out there on the off-chance she learned to read recently. Ha, who am I kidding? [ESPN]
- Chris Martin can apparently walk among us normal folks without being recognized. Seems no one knows who the Coldplay singer is despite the fact he bangs Gwyneth Paltrow. I'm failing to see the problem here. Does he want people to know he diddles a woman who's one Pilates class away from looking from Madonna? I'd keep that on the down-low, Jim. It's Chris? Okay, sure. [Page Six]
- Oprah Winfrey has been duped by another memoir writer. After raving over Holocaust survivor Herman Rosenblat's novel Angel at the Fence about meeting his wife in a concentration camp, the story has been debunked and canceled by the publisher. Which is great, just great. Now who's going to pitch my memoir Yes, Ladies, It's That Big, Shoots Diamonds, Gives Back Rubs and Knows How to Maximize Deductions for the Tax Return You Deserve!? Sonofa.... [TMZ]
Continue Reading "Jennifer Lopez & El Skeletor to remain married"
Dec 9 2008Oprah Winfrey hits 200 lbs, blames food
Oprah Winfrey has admittedly "fallen off the wagon" and now weighs in at 200 pounds. She opens up about her personal battle in the upcoming issue of O Magazine where she admits to over-eating and not being able to fit in her gown for President-elect Obama's inauguration. The AP reports:
"I had a dress on the vision board, but I'm not sure that's gonna fit," Winfrey said. "So I have to work on something else."
"I'm mad at myself," Winfrey writes in an article provided early to The Associated Press by Harpo Productions.
"I'm embarrassed," she writes. "I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?'"
In the piece, Winfrey, 54, details her recent struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid and how the condition made her develop "a fear of working out." She says she's added 40 pounds to her frame since she weighed 160 pounds in 2006.
"Yes, you're adding correctly; that means the dreaded 2-0-0," Winfrey writes. "I was so frustrated I started eating whatever I wanted — and that's never good."
Oprah added: "For starters, I've eaten half of this laptop I'm typing on. My studio audience from yesterday? Let's just say they went beautifully with a delicious cranberry relish. Dr. Phil's career? Drowned that mother in chocolate sauce then watched an entire season of Desperate Housewives. I never even left the couch!
But the important thing to remember is I'm still every woman - and also rich enough to get away with murder, so nobody make fun of my weight."
Shit.
