Feb 8 2007Mary-Kate Olsen makes out with strangers
20-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen was spotted at Bungalow 8 Tuesday night "weaving around and kept falling off the banquettes she was dancing on." A rep for Mary-Kate insists she's sober and declined comment, but a source adds:
"She made out with three random guys and was wearing a Mardi Gras mask."
She was wearing a Mardi Gras mask? How could anybody fucking tell? And who is looking at this face thinking to themselves, "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make out with the clown monster in the corner." Did they lose a dare? Or maybe they were so drunk they thought they were dead and this was Satan coming for their eternal soul.
Dec 18 2006Mary-Kate Olsen goes platinum blonde and it's really hot
Why the sudden interest in Mary-Kate Olsen? I have no fucking idea. But when you see somebody who reignites your love of zombie hookers you jump all over it. Like a lion. On small delicious creatures. Or some other analogy that features jumping on stuff. Trampolines?
Thanks to Mich for the tip. And by tip I mean nausea. Because hot damn do I have some undead prostitute nausea.
Dec 14 2006Mary-Kate Olsen almost TOO sexy
Remember when Mary-Kate Olsen used to be cute? Yeah, me neither, because I looked at these photos and I still haven't stopped screaming. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen showed up to the Dolce and Gabbana "Art Of Elysium" event in Hollywood looking less than spectacular. Well Ashley looked decent enough, but Mary-Kate looked like she spends her nights haunting houses. And what is she, like 68 years old now? Everytime somebody comes over Ashley probably pushes her into the closet with some toys and then pretends she's an only child.
You're free to check out more of the Olsen twins after the jump, but why would you do that to yourself?
Oct 17 2006Mary-Kate Olsen is dating again
20-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen has reportedly been dating oil heir Maxwell Snow for about a month now. Snow happens to be Uma Thurman's nephew and is Mary-Kate's first boyfriend since being single for a year after Paris Hilton stole her last boyfriend Stavros Niarchos.
It warms the heart to see that even creepy looking monkey-people can find love in this crazy mixed up world of ours. Being worth half a billion probably helps, but I'm sure there are a ton of guys out there who'd love her just for her. I mean guys love Zoolander, so it only makes sense they'd love a girl who looks likes him. Sort of like how guys love girls who look like Chuck Norris. Although that's mostly just for their very handsome beards.
Sep 12 2006The Olsen twins get rejected
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were invited to an exclusive dinner hosted by Mario Testino to honor French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld among others, but failed to RSVP and were sent away when they arrived at the door.
"There weren't places for them because they hadn't RSVPed," says one guest. "They were refused entry at the door!" Brandon Davis and Mischa Barton were also denied their unauthorized plus-ones.
It's been a pretty embarrassing couple of weeks for celebrities lately. Sure, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton make up about 98% of the embarrassment, but even people you haven't thought about for years are getting the shaft. What kind of world do we live in where doing a perpetual Zoolander impression can't save you from the shame of rejection? It's like I can't believe in anything anymore.
May 5 2006Mary-Kate Olsen is scared of Lindsay Lohan
Page Six reports Mary-Kate Olsen showed up to the Met Costume Institute gala on Monday night and freaked out when she spotted Lindsay Lohan walking down the red carpet. A source says:
"MK looked like she wanted to die when she saw Lindsay," said our spy. "She hung back and refused to get close ... She clearly did not want to be near Lindsay and made an effort to not get close. It was odd." Later, another source explained: "MK is very suspicious of Lindsay. Lindsay always e-mails her. She is always trying to find out from others who she is dating - MK thinks she's creepy." An Olsen rep said, "That is ridiculous. There were 15 other actors on the red carpet at the same time and it was hectic." Lohan's rep said, "As far as Lindsay is concerned, she has no problems with Mary-Kate."
Who wouldn't be scared of Lindsay Lohan? Just check out the picture above from her premiere of A Prairie Home Companion. You read about Lindsay making people cry and doing pushups with a broken foot and then you see that face coming towards you - you'd be insane not to walk the other way. And by "walk the other way" I mean stare at her rack.
Feb 23 2006Mary-Kate wants to be Kate Moss
Mary-Kate Olsen idolizes Kate Moss so much that she wants to make and star in a movie about her. “Mary-Kate absolutely adores Kate Moss,” a source says. “She was so worried about her when Kate went into rehab, and she even wrote her a really nice letter offering her support and friendship.” Mary-Kate thinks that she'd be able to bring the right edginess and depth to the role. She sees Kate as a survivor, just as she is herself. She believes that this could be the movie to show that she’s a talented grown-up who can really act.”
Well, I really don't know if she can bring the same edginess and depth that she brought to New York Minute. Then again, I'm not sure how much talent it takes to stumble around in a drug-fueled daze playing "pin the penis on the supermodel." The dialogue shouldn't be tough to remember, being some variation on "Come on, I don't have all day. Shove the coke up my butt already." Oscars all the way.
Thanks to Kyle for the tip.
Feb 22 2006Mary-Kate Olsen is not a role model
Mary-Kate Olsen has hit out at criticism she is a poor role model for children - insisting she and sister Ashley aren't looking to set an example. The actress, who previously suffered an eating disorder, inisists the pair can't be blamed for the issues affecting other kids and is annoyed at being constantly saddled with that pressure.
She says, "I think we've been labelled as role models since we were very young. My sister and I don't look at ourselves as role models - I think that's a huge responsibility. The best we can do is take care of ourselves and experience life for ourselves and not really let the outside world affect us."
Wait a second. I don't remember them complaining about being role models when they were raking in $500 million a year in Olsen Twin merchandise. You could barely take a crap without seeing their faces. Of course it probably didn't help that I painted their faces on the toilet. But that's beside the point. I'm don't know what the point is, exactly, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with her being naked and riding a unicycle while I throw pancakes at her.
