Nov 13 2009Nicole Kidman freaks people out
Nicole Kidman made a brief appearance at the CMAs Wednesday night (above) and apparently scared the living bejebus out of people. Page Six reports:
"She looked freakish," said one witness. "She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." The Aussie actress didn't want to be interrogated on the red carpet and fled, leaving behind her perplexed husband, Keith Urban. "She just flipped out and took off running," said our source. "Keith kept saying, 'Where is she? Where is she?'"
Maybe I'm desensitized from staring at 95% plastic people all day, but Nicole Kidman honestly doesn't look that scary to me. Completely dead inside? Sure. Freakish? Only if you're a two foot tall Scientologist forced into a sham marriage by Paramount. "I have to touch her what now? Quick, someone drown me in their coffee mug. DO IT!"
Sep 9 2009Miranda Kerr is chesty and other news
- Nicole Kidman has finally Botoxed her way to a third lip. [Lainey Gossip]
- Katherine Heigl is adopting a baby. How long until she teaches it to badmouth Judd Apatow, Grey's Anatomy and pretty much anyone who will keep mommy relevant? [PopEater]
- John Mayer might also be having sex with Kristin Cavallari. I won't believe it until he Twitters/blogs/makes a viral video/gives a TMZ press conference about it. Ha ha. He loves himself. [Celebslam]
- Whitney Port is single. Hey, John Mayer, found another one for you! [PopSugar]
- Kate Moss made a drunken scene at the GQ awards in London last night. Of course, nobody saw it because she was standing behind a cocktail stirrer. [Celebitchy]
- Rosie O'Donnell and Star Jones are saying "Fuck you, Barbara Walters" by starting their own talk show. [ICYDK]
- Hugh Hefner will attend Kendra Wilkinson's baby shower presumably for one last diaper change. She always used the right amount of powder. [Wonderwall]
Aug 19 2009Jon Gosselin has to be kidding me and other news
- Jason Schwartzman got married which was probably awesome until everyone kept comparing the reception to Rushmore. [PopEater]
- Nicole Kidman has been reduced to reality television. Have you no tiny heart in your tiny chest, Tom Cruise?! [Lainey Gossip]
- Renee Zellweger isn't bringing Bradley Cooper on the red carpet yet. Though in all fairness, anything more attractive than a zucchini will make her look ugly by comparison. [PopSugar]
- Ricky Martin takes his "Let's Face It, I'm Gay" twins to the beach. [Just Jared]
- Amy Winehouse might be a contestant on the UK version of Dancing with the Stars. I might hate reality TV with the very essence of my being, but I would watch the fuck out of that. I don't care who knows it. [Celebslam]
- Celine Dion is pregnant with an eight-year-old embryo. Looks like Canadian health care ain't so bad after all. (Ignoring the fact she might've had procedure done in U.S. and is super rich.) [Splash News]
- Brooke Hogan bailed out of a concert in New York because she's stressed out about what people think. Really? I figured she'd be adjusted to the penis theories by now. [The Blemish]
Jul 13 2009David Duchovny shirtless and other news
- Mel Gibson directed his pregnant girlfriend's new video. Surprisingly, it doesn't involve torture and/or Jew hating. I'm shocked. [PopEater]
- Hugh Jackman gets it. ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds do not get it. [Lainey Gossip]
- Emmanuelle Chriqui's breasts turns women into lesbians. [Celebslam]
- Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan got married, and I debated whether to include them here, the shortbus of posts. Read into that what you will. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Jon Gosselin smokes cigarettes now. I will pay him $25 million to ash in Kate's porcupine do on the first post-divorce episode. And by $25 million I mean this doodle of a naked Kim Kardashian telling me to land the Millenium Falcon on her ass. [Just Jared]
- Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban had a date night just like a normal couple. Until they threw gold bricks at puppies. I'm kidding. Just Nicole did. Because she's dead inside. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Britney Spears choreographed the newest song on her tour herself, so if you're a ticketholder, prepare yourself for three-to-five minutes of dancers kicking toddlers in the face to get at a pile of french fries. [PopSugar]
May 21 2009Hayden Panettiere's tattoo spelled wrong
- Hayden Panettiere's tattoo is misspelled. Supposed to read "Insert Superficial Writer Here --->." [Just Jared]
- Keith Urban is hitting the Botox like Nicole Kidman. Didn't she just get out of a relationship with a gay guy? Or am I thinking of LeAnn Rimes again? [Lainey Gossip]
- Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt continue dry humping each other all over Cannes. That's one way to boost your movie career. Provided you don't get the clap in Spielberg's drink. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Katrina Darrell a.k.a. American Idol's Bikini Girl probably got implants. Or else she's allergic to bees and was symmetrically stung by two of them on each side of her chest. I'm not a doctor. [Celebslam]
- Rihanna's alleged new boyfriend says he's not dating her which means he's afraid of Chris Brown. Dude, as long as you don't have a vagina, you're perfectly safe. -- Unless there's something you want to tell us? [I'm Not Obsessed]
May 6 2009Rihanna flees to the east coast
- Rihanna hunts for apartments in New York while Chris Brown hunts for a new woman. Literally. He's got a tranq gun. [ICYDK]
- George Clooney was apparently America's handsomest baby. At least that's what all seven nurses in the delivery room said after the sex. [PopSugar]
- Miss California might be stripped of her title for making unauthorized appearances campaigning against gay marriage and posing nude while underage. For those keeping score at home, add "jaiblait porn" to the list of things Jesus approves of besides gay marriage. [Best Week Ever]
- Bristol Palin says she's for abstinence now after becoming The Candies Foundation Teen Ambassador. Still got that Jesus list out? Add "marketing sexy perfume to young girls" and "blatant hypocrisy." I'm thinking somewhere between "blatant hypocrisy" and "fake tits." [Jezebel]
- Natalie Portman gets interviewed by Zach Galifianakis. In related news, I don't smoke near enough weed. [Allie is Wired]
- Nicole Kidman's Schweppe's commercial doesn't really sell soft drinks as much as it encourages teaching young Indian girls to cocktease strange men. Fun Fact: I'm not joking. [Videogum]
May 1 2009Nicole Kidman takes swing at Tom Cruise
Nicole Kidman has taken a crack at her marriage with Tom Cruise and even dished out a surprising jab at Katie Holmes. Marie Claire reports:
'I felt I became a star only by association,' she complained to Easy Living magazine. 'We would go to the Oscars and I would think, "I'm here to support him." I felt it was my job to put on a beautiful dress and be seen and not heard.'
Meanwhile, Nic calls new husband Keith Urban her 'greater love', although it appears her greatest love is reserved for her daughter.
However, the Moulin Rouge actress hasn't totally lose her sense of humour, speaking about her adopted children, she quips: 'Bella is very maternal. Connor would like one of us to have a boy. [Pauses.] Katie...? [Laughs].'
Oh, SNAP! The Nicole Kidman burn, ladies and gentlemen. You never know when to expect it because nine times out of 10 in ends with her shattering into a million porcelain pieces while Keith Urban frantically whips out the Super Glue.
Apr 8 2009Hugh Jackman thinks he's so tough...
- Hugh Jackman arrives at the Sydney premiere of Wolverine by jumping out of a helicopter. Somebody should put this guy in one of those superhero movies. [Vulture]
- Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are finally divorcing. He wants to date other women while she just wants to realize her dream of competing in the Kentucky Derby. Don't stop believing! [Allie is Wired]
- Levi Johnston continues to battle Sarah Palin in the press. Wants people to know he's not white trash, he just likes huntin', fishin' and knockin' bitches up. That's all. [Jezebel]
- Hugh Laurie is not a fan of pranks on the set of House. Then again his mother was killed by a marching band hiding inside an elevator, so I can see how this might offend him. [Videogum]
- Keith Urban scores a threesome with his wife Nicole Kidman and Taylor Swift. He was just about to quit country music altogether, but it turns out it can get you laid - and this time not with a relative. [Best Week Ever]
