Jun 30 2009Khloe Kardashian gets Kim drunk
- Kim Kardashian got trashed at Khloe's 25th birthday and somehow a sex tape didn't emerge. I'm as shocked as you are. [Khloe Kardashian]
- Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick want you to look at the new babies they bought. Or as I like to call them the "Sorry I Cheated on You, Horseface" Twins. [Lainey Gossip]
- Nicky Hilton enjoys laughing at the misfortune of others. That's for the two people who actually think there's a good Hilton sister. I'll let you guess who they are. [The Blemish]
- Vanessa Minnillo rebounds with Topher Grace. How sad must be it for Nick Lachey to learn the villain from the shitty Spider-man movie obviously has more money than him? [Celebslam]
- Kelly Brook's boyfriend wore a Michael Jackson T-shirt today which means he's gay and she should start having unprotected sex with me. Hey, you can't argue with science. [Just Jared]
- Zac Efron wears a life preserver on a short boat trip. Somebody get this kid a towel. For his vagina. [PopSugar]
- Chace Crawford has a new haircut! And yet somehow this doesn't trump the non-stop media coverage of Michael Jackson's death. Is there no justice?! [ICYDK]
Jun 26 2009Michael Jackson's cause of death found
Drug overdose, huh? Then how do you explain this?!
Dun dun DUNNNN!
Jun 19 2009Kendra Wilkinson has a bachelorette party
- Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper had a conveniently photographed date last night. Somewhere Angelina is still not giving a shit. [Lainey Gossip]
- Ricky Martin has finally come out of the closet. The completely transparent one that might as well not even be there. [Celebslam]
- Heidi Klum is getting her own Barbie doll. -- Anyone know how many Barbies it take to fill up a standard size bathtub? No reason. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Angelina Jolie is just like a refugee mom. Only 100 billion times richer. [Just Jared]
- Nicky Hilton says Paris is "doing fabulous" after breaking up with Doug. And by fabulous she means Cristiano Ronaldo's penis. [ICYDK]
- Lindsay Lohan and Ryan Seacrest? Why not? He's secretly gay, and she's a fake lesbian. They're already not having sex like a married couple. [PopSugar]
Continue Reading "Kendra Wilkinson has a bachelorette party"
Feb 24 2009Nicky Hilton fights crime. Who knew?
Nicky Hilton was reportedly attacked over the weekend at a West Hollywood IHOP. Authorities say a homeless man pushed her to the ground prompting her to open a can and put him under citizen's arrest - right in front of the cops. E! News reports:
L.A. County sheriff spokesman Steve Whitmore tells E! News the 25-year-old Hilton was at the front door of the pancake purveyor around 4:50 a.m. when she was shoved in the back.
"One of our deputies was in the IHOP...and heard a commotion," Whitmore says. "He went outside to investigate and discovered that Ms. Nicky Hilton was pushed from behind."
Hilton was more insulted than injured and--we're not making this up--placed the perp under citizen's arrest, which Whitmore says was unncessary, since a deputy was already present.
That's like peeing on a house fire after the fire department just put it out. Which I heroically do all the time. Ladies?
EDIT: I added a pic of the "homeless man" and you're not fooling anyone, Chris Brown. But good effort.
Feb 18 2009Paris Hilton survived another year
Paris Hilton celebrated her 28th birthday yesterday in New York City where she's attending the Mercedes-Benz Fall 2009 Fashion Week. To absolutely no one's surprise, she spent the day acting like a rude, vapid attention whore with a misplaced sense of entitlement. Whee! NY Daily News reports:
The Hiltons then multitasked via BlackBerry, Googling and demanding free dresses while the show was underway. Nicky even e-mailed one poor staffer to say that none of the bags of free things sent to their hotel room "worked" for her, and she'd be needing more.
Later, at the Alice Olivia show, Paris got personal with fellow guests, saying she's "just friends" with "Hills" star Doug Reinhardt and debunking the rumor they've been dating. She then shared she's been in the studio "working on my second album. It's going to be fierce."
Finally, at her birthday dinner, Paris treated the main floor of Butter as if it were a runway, vamping back and forth before heading downstairs to dance on a banquette.
To commemorate this occasion, I included Paris' freestyle rapping on Snoop Dogg's Dogg After Dark after the jump. And by commemorate I mean increased her chances of being targeted in a drive-by shooting. Happy Birthday!
Feb 17 2009Paris Hilton & Kim Kardashian's awkward reunion
Because God is a hilarious bastard, former BFFs Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian were seated next to each other at a Fashion Week runway yesterday in New York.
KIM: Hey.
PARIS: Hey.
KIM: So, those sex tapes really worked.
PARIS: Yep.
KIM: What do you think would happen if we made new ones?
PARIS: .... I'll get my coat.
Continue Reading "Paris Hilton & Kim Kardashian's awkward reunion"
Dec 31 2008Happy New Year!
Here's Paris Hilton celebrating New Year's Eve at The Bongo Virus party in Sydney. Hold on, she's in the future already?! Jesus, how did this happen? Aw man, she's going to get VD all over 2009 before we even get there. Guess I better start practicing having it burn when I pee. Anyone got a lighter?
Happy New Year! I think. Goddammit, Paris...
Nov 23 2008Crystal Rock Audigier is Paris Hilton in waiting
Saturday night, fashion designer Christian Audigier threw his daughter Crystal Rock a 16th birthday party in Hollywood that made every single episode of My Super Sweet 16 look like it was filmed at goddamn Chuck E. Cheese. Take a look at what he sprung for:
1. Two cars delivered by Paris and Nicky Hilton. Who doesn't love a grim look at the future?
2. T.I. Because sweet 16's are totally gangsta, dawg.
3. The Pussycat Dolls. What's a birthday party without strippers? Mazal tov!
4. Miley Cyrus' boyfriend Justin Gaston. Minus the Miley, add extra gay.
5. Khloe Kardashian. So everyone felt more beautiful by comparison. Good thinking.
Jesus, with a shindig like this I'm surprised there wasn't a secret room full of blood diamonds and baby panda skins. Her parents must hate her.
Continue Reading "Crystal Rock Audigier is Paris Hilton in waiting"
