Oct 8 2009Alessandra Ambrosio makes me want to buy bras even though I have a penis and other news
- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together. [PopEater]
- Daniel Craig photobombs Taylor Swift. [Lainey Gossip]
- Shauna Sand wears clear stripper heels to the supermarket. Of course. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Suri Cruise drinks Pellegrino already? [Just Jared]
- Mariah Carey should just hire Blackwater. [Celebslam]
- Naomi Watts is somehow the "Most Bankable Actress in Hollywood." [PopSugar]
- Zac Efron hates his own movies. [Wonderwall]
- Penelope Cruz > Kim Kardashian. (In regards to asses.) [ICYDK]
Scope Out (16) Pics of Alessandra After the Jump
Aug 31 2009Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news
- Demi Moore claims she's never had plastic surgery. Right. And I've never paid a hooker to dress up like Abe Lincoln Catwoman. [PopEater]
- Hayden Panettiere is still alive. Midgety. [Lainey Gossip]
- Hilary Duff is pulling diva shit on the set of Gossip Girl. Someone should let Hilary know who's doing who who a favor in this situation. Then let Leighton Meester know I'm hung like a Sherman tank. Do that first. [Celebslam]
- Robert Pattinson allows Premiere magazine to photograph his brooding. [PopSugar]
- Audrina Patridge is leaving The Hills to pursue her film career which will be going nowhere until someone writes Wonk-Tits: The Movie. [Wonderwall]
- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together which is probably the greatest thing to happen to Nick's penis since Joe Simpson stopped sleeping in their bed. [The Blemish]
Continue Reading "Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news"
Aug 14 2009Justin Timberlake is a biker now and other news
- Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in the full New Moon trailer. [PopEater[
- Robert Downey Jr. in track pants carrying a man purse. I have no fucking clue. [Lainey Gossip]
- Audrina Patridge and her wonky breasts get denied a chance on Dancing with the Stars by MTV. [Celebslam]
- Nick Lachey probably masturbates with his tears a lot. [The Blemish]
- Rachel McAdams does The Daily Show. [PopSugar]
- Jennifer Aniston will sing in her next movie. Hopefully as a topless ninja or else that movie's gonna bomb. [Just Jared]
Continue Reading "Justin Timberlake is a biker now and other news"
Jul 17 2009Kendra Wilkinson's inflating breasts and other news
- Jake Gyllenhaal's Prince of Persia official photo looks Middle Eastern. Not counting Jake. [Lainey Gossip]
- Nick Lachey has never stopped loving Jessica Simpson. Which is why he's going to need to bang a bunch of strippers before deciding to get back together. Because of all the love. [Celebslam]
- Jim Cavaziel was in a motorcycle accident caused by a crazed lunatic throwing a bicycle at him. Dammit, Mel! [PopEater]
- Katie Price might star in a remake of Baywatch. Huh. So there is a legitimate use for her. Weird. [Just Jared]
- Lauren Conrad mocks Heidi Montag's Playboy cover. Wait. Did Lauren Conrad just do something interesting? Or did I take the bad acid again? Shiiiiit. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Zac Efron is learning how to scuba dive. Will he bang a mermaid or a merman? Only time will tell. (Note: Go near Ariel and I'll cut you.) [PopSugar]
BONUS NEWS: The Most Fucked Up Thing I've Read All Day.
Continue Reading "Kendra Wilkinson's inflating breasts and other news"
Jun 26 2009Britney Spears wears a bra and other Michael Jackson-less news items
- Nick Lachey dumped Vanessa Minillo because she's a gold-digger. Wait. Nick Lachey has money? [Celebslam]
- Anne Hathaway has to look damn fine to C-3PO. [Lainey Gossip]
- Madonna's new Louis Vuitton ad looks just like her. If she was a perfectly porcelain doll who didn't have the sinewy arms of a zombie. [The Blemish]
- Robert Pattinson reveals he wouldn't be anywhere without Twilight. I'm going to assume this was an interview for People Who Just Woke Up From a Coma Weekly. [ICYDK]
- Jon Gosselin took his wedding ring off! Somebody alert CNN I just found their entire weekend's programming. [Just Jared]
- Johnny Depp never watches his own movies once he's done filming. That would explain the 25 minute, awkwardly edited butt sex scene in Public Enemies. I'm joking! It's only 10 minutes. [PopSugar]
Continue Reading "Britney Spears wears a bra and other Michael Jackson-less news items"
Jun 24 2009Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo break up
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have called it quits, Us Magazine reports:
A source close to the couple tells Us: "It was an amicable break-up. They walk away from it still friends."
Adds another source, "They still care about each other very much. This is what's best for both of them."
The couple hooked up in 2006 -- the year after Lachey split from wife Jessica Simpson.
I love how these "sources" always say the same thing during celebrity break ups: "They're still the best of friends." "Unicorns met them at the door as they embraced for the last time." Just once, I'd like to hear a source say something like: "He's been nothing doing but looking up his exes on Facebook and masturbating, while she just got engaged to that weird guy from Starbucks after one date." Who hasn't been there, am I right? High five! Actually, no wait, don't. I can see the Facebook screen on your monitor and, have you been crying?
Jun 13 2008Stifler: I had sex with Jessica Simpson
Stifler, whose real name is apparently Sean William Scott (I had no idea.), addressed the Internet rumors about why there's tension between him and Nick Lachey. Turns out Stifler and Jessica Simpson had what grown-ups call a "special hug." Here's my brief transcribing of what he said to WorldStarHip-Hop.com:
DJ Whoo Kid: I heard you had beef with Nick Lachey, man.
Stifler: Oh, 'cause I fucked Jessica Simpson?
[Assorted OH!'s, DAMN's, That is WACK!'s]
Stifler: No, but I did!
DJ Whoo Kid: One rumor out da way!
Why wasn't this bit of awesome included on the Dukes of Hazard DVD? And why did I just admit I watched said DVD? I should've admitted something a little less embarrassing - like I have chlamydia. Don't worry; I'm on antibiotics. Ladies.
Audio after the jump.
Feb 21 2008Nick Lachey lives a miserable existence
Nick Lachey and his girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo make their living by simply showing up at places. They get paid to visit tropical resorts that need publicity or do photo shoots at department stores. Nick just has to stand around for a couple hours and take pictures. Easy stuff, right? Apparently not for Nick Lachey. Page Six reports:
According to a source at JC Penney's "American Living" launch at Skylight on Hudson Street, "Nick was complaining the whole time he was there. He started whining, 'When can I get out of here?' and refusing to take photos. That's what he was paid to show up for."
Jesus. Nick Lachey's life really is sheer torture. I mean, the dude gets handed bags full of dough but he has to smile for pictures. I had no idea such inhumane practices go on in this country. But, on top of that, he has to go home and bang Vanessa Minnillo. I don't know how he does it day after day. Gandhi had it easier than this. Actually, I'm serious about that. Gandhi was never forced to have a conversation with Jessica Simpson. If he did, he'd probably have thrown himself underneath an elephant.
