Jun 18 2009Paris Hilton secretes dumb
- Paris Hilton wants Cristiano Ronaldo to be the David to her Victoria Beckham. If that involves her moving to Europe and immediately becoming irrelevant, where do I sign? [Celebslam]
- Madonna wants Gwyneth Paltrow to decorate Mercy's nursery. I love how Madonna treats an Oscar-winning actress like a Mexican contractor that better stay under budget. Who knew sorcery could be freaking hilarious? [Lainey Gossip]
- Neil Patrick Harris wants a baby. Somewhere Carrie Prejean's breasts just went off like klaxons on a battleship. [The Blemish]
- Padma Lakshmi should host things in my kitchen. And, if it makes her feel more comfortable, I have a video camera. Just sayin'. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Lauren Conrad continues to admit The Hills is staged which now makes her boring and obvious. [PopSugar]
- Katie Holmes is seriously doing that reality dancing show. Remember when she was so hot you used to watch Dawson's Creek reruns naked in your college dorm room while your roommate was at class? Uh, me neither. [Just Jared]
Dec 4 2008Jack Black as Jesus in 'Prop 8 - The Musical'
Here's a bunch of Hollywood actors, including Jack Black as Jesus Christ, in a musical about Proposition 8. I guarantee you this will win people over because there's nothing folks love more than that blonde chick from Scrubs and the guy from Talladega Nights singing with Doogie Howser. Seriously, with production values like these, I'll vote for anything they tell me to. Mandatory testicle removal? Shit, if The West Wing's Allison Janney says so, sign me up!
For the record: The Superficial Writer does NOT support Prop 8, but more vehemently opposes asinine political endorsements from celebrities. (With the obvious exception of Mr. T.)
May 13 2008Britney Spears does it Doogie-style
Britney Spears made her second appearance last night on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. Because I don't hate myself, I didn't watch it and opted to drink wine out of box. But I did, however, download these pics taken from the episode and I think I pretty much figured the plot out myself: 1.) Britney meets Doogie who, like most gay men, is oddly obsessed with her breasts and knows he'll totally get away with touching them. 2.) Britney and the Doog fool around, but Doogie is wearing metal briefs - on account of the cooch. 3.) Doogie proposes to Britney to shut up his Republican grandmother. 4.) Britney almost accepts. 5.) Britney opts to have phone sex with K-Fed instead. 6.) K-Fed sends Britney a lovely "Thank You" card. You know, for the phone sex. Roll credits!
May 8 2008Britney Spears' second cameo sticks it to Doogie Howser, but not the way he'd prefer
Britney Spears is done filming her second appearance on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. This time around her character Abby is dating Doogie Howser's character Barney which must be really awkward for the Doog considering he publicly complained about stunt casting Britney. Apparently, the writers decided to send him the message to "Shut the hell up and stop rocking the gravy train." Entertainment Tonight reports on Britney's second go-round:
"I had such a great experience the last time I was on the show that I couldn't wait to come back," she said. "I was really looking forward to working with this cast and crew again. Everyone was so nice. Abby is going to have a lot of fun!"
I included a video clip after the jump which I'll warn you will start playing automatically. So, brace yourself for some Britney Spears acting on the ASAP. If you can't play videos at your work, don't worry, I've got a way around your network admin: It's called quitting. It's real simple and all it takes is a well-timed middle finger to your boss after you tip over the water cooler and admit to eating everyone's lunch. Damn, I should blog for Monster.com. I've got career skills out the anus!
EDIT: Okay, wow, so that video not only autoplays, but goes right into "Barbara Walters' miscarriage." Mmm, transition-y.
Apr 14 2008Doogie Howser heeds my omnipotent advice
Neil Patrick Harris realized he's an idiot and reversed his remarks criticizing stunt casting, such as Britney Spears, appearing on his show How I Met Your Mother. The Doogs finally concluded that "Oh, shit, ratings = work." I knew there was some boy genius left in there. The AP reports:
"I am just very protective of our show, and its content. I have a high standard of quality, and hope to maintain it on every level. Television is big business, I understand that. I have great faith in our casting department, as well as (Twentieth Century Fox Television) and CBS, to find the appropriate person for every role on our show. I was remiss in speculating otherwise."
Then echoing my sage-like advice that he shouldn't talk, which I'm sure he read while flying on Gossamer wings above a bunch of naked dudes, Neil admitted he best shutteth thine yap:
"My job description is to act," his statement said, "and I should really do just that."
BOO-YEAH! The Superficial Writer: 1. Doogie Howser: 0.*
*I refuse to acknowledge that open-heart surgery you performed in an overturned bus. Pfft. Anyone can do that. Right, homeless guy I've been practicing on? Homeless guy? ... So, uh, know any good child-prodigy lawyers? No reason.
Apr 11 2008Doogie Howser: Keep Britney off my show!
Neil Patrick "The Doogs" Harris doesn't want to see another Britney Spears cameo on his show How I Met Your Mother. Even though she scored the show its highest ratings ever with a bump of over 1 million viewers. But Doogie doesn't see what's so great about people actually watching the show and keeping it on the air. Who needs that? The AP reports:
"I worry that if they start `Will and Grace'-ing us too much, that the show will suffer. And we're all really proud of the content of the show. I mean, viewership is not our game. It's the network and the studio's game, you know. It's the promotion department's game," the actor, who plays womanizer Barney, told The Associated Press.
"We wish we weren't opposite an awkward reality dancing competition," he said. "But we have no say about that. I just am a real fan of our content. I think we have a great show going, and I hope it's not screwed up by the desire for 700,000 more viewers."
Translation: Neil Patrick Harris is an idiot and probably shouldn't talk. Damn, I thought you were a boy genius, Doogs! I even let you give me a physical. Which reminds me, were those leopard briefs you made me wear really a medical necessity? I mean, I understood you had to cover me in chocolate sauce to make sure I didn't have polio. I know how science works
