Apr 3 2008Naomi Campbell strikes again
Naomi Campbell is on the attack again. This time with her saliva while being arrested at Heathrow Airport. She allegedly spat on a cop after an argument over her luggage, according to The Sun:
Naomi first kicked off in BA's first class lounge after being told that one of her three bags had not made it onto the flight. Despite apologies and assurances she would be reunited with her luggage, the temperamental supermodel flew into a rage.
She began harassing airline staff who called cops as the flight was called and Naomi walked onto the plane. She was still yelling at boarding card staff as she took her seat. Three officers from the MET's SO18 Aviation security branch then came onto the plane. They tried to calm the model down, but she is alleged to have reacted by spitting at an officer and then laying into him with her fists.
Mere mortals tried to tame the Naomi Campbell? What foolishness. Be lucky she wasn't yielding a cell phone, peasants. Lest it be your face that bare the mark of her magic talking box of death on ye face. But, no, seriously, I'd stick my arm in a tiger's mouth before telling Naomi Campbell to take her seat. I sort of enjoy living. Call me strange, but it's a hobby of mine.
Thanks to Anthony who's retreated to an underground bunker until this blows over.
Nov 19 2007Naomi Campbell redefines classy
Naomi Campbell attended the 30th birthday of British socialite Davinia Taylor at The Colour Rooms. Davinia Taylor used to have lesbian threesomes with Jude Law’s ex-wife Sadie Frost and Kate Moss. I thought I’d give you a little bit of awesome info to make up for what you’re seeing above. In the meantime, somebody get Britney Spears away from any and all computers. I don’t want her getting ideas, if that’s even possible. The last thing I need is paparazzi shots of this outfit hanging on for dear life at a Malibu Taco Bell. I don’t hate my eyes that much, despite the fact they can’t even see through walls or women’s clothing. I mean, seriously, what are they even there for?
Jun 12 2007Naomi Campbell laughs about abuse
Naomi Campbell landed the June cover of W magazine and was overheard telling friends she was the first black model to ever do so (which she isn't). She then laughed: "All I had to so was scrub some floors and hit my maid."
Haha, get it? Because she physically abuses people and that's funny. All she had to do was hit her maid! Hilarious! I once pushed an old woman down the stairs because she smelled funny. Then when I started laughing she got all upset. I bet Naomi would've understood. She gets me.
Apr 19 2007Naomi Campbell pokes fun at herself
Naomi Campbell introduced the Pussycat Dolls at their Cipriani Wall Street Concert Series show Tuesday and managed to laugh at herself by joking:
"I invite you all to please put your phones away - off the table - so I can't get to them."
My God they taught it to feel. Now they just need to remove its crippling strength and it might actually pass for a human being. Unlike that thing I built in my basement. Sewing up cadavers is less scientifically sound than you might think.
Jan 16 2007Naomi Campbell pleads guilty
Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault today for hitting her maid with a cell phone over a pair of missing jeans. She's been sentenced to pay $363 in medical expenses, do five days of community service, and attend a two-day anger management program. In court she said:
"I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Ana. This was an accident because I did not intend to hit her."
Afterwards, she issued a statement saying:
"I pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor in court today. That's the best way I know to say I'm sorry to Ana. I accepted responsibility and I'm prepared to take my punishment. But I'm not going to let this incident define me. The past is the past. My future holds great things and I'm getting on with my life."
Is Naomi Campbell defined by anything except explosive violence? I think she used to model or something, but now she spends her time being banned from UFC matches for excessive brutality. She's like a science experiment where they implanted a baby fetus with the DNA of a wolverine/bear/The Incredible Hulk.
Dec 13 2006Naomi Campbell is a victim
Naomi Campbell tells Britain's Sky News that she thinks everybody is out to get her, and emphasizes the point by calling herself a 'target' three times in two sentences. She says:
"I just feel like I am a target. People have told me for months and years, 'You're a target' but it's only just kind of sunk in that I am a target.
It's been really like a tough year in terms of like the accusations and stuff like that. It's been very hurtful and blown out of proportion. But I can't stop getting on with my life... I can't pay too much attention to this negative stuff. I don't like to live in the negative. I like to stay in the present moment and stay positive. I have to be very careful who I'm around, what I say, who's around me. I cannot be with someone on my own any more because I don't know the agendas that people have. I've had to learn from my mistakes but I don't harbor grudges."
This is the kind of bitch who hits you with her Bentley and then asks God why she's been cursed with such terrible luck. You'd think the 178 people she beat up would be the victims, but no, not in supermodel world. In supermodel world you can punch through a crippled boy's face and turns out it's just because everybody is jealous of how pretty you are.
Nov 15 2006Naomi Campbell strikes again
Naomi Campbell was sued again yesterday by a former maid who claims she assulted her while making bigoted remarks. The court papers call Campbell a "violent super-bigot" and claims she said things like: "You are not in the Third World any more, stupid" and "Romanians are not usually as dumb as you" all while kicking or punching the maid in the back of the head as she searched the closet for a pair of jeans.
They actually called her a 'violent super-bigot.' That's like a whole other class of bigot usually reserved for old men who live in secret lairs and plan the destruction of all those "damned Jews." Ya know, like Mel Gibosn. Zing!
Oct 26 2006Naomi Campbell never not beating people
Naomi Campbell was arrested again in London yesterday on suspicion of assaulting her drug counselor after the counselor walked into a police station with red scratches all over her face and told police Naomi had done it. A spokesperson for Naomi said:
"We believe there has been a misunderstanding. Once police have investigated we are sure this will be resolved satisfactorily."
So apparently Naomi's spokesperson has been living on the moon for the past eight years. This isn't like Julia Roberts. This is Naomi Campbell. Her client might as well be a Kodiak bear. Who also happens to be half shark. And has rabies.
