Aug 17 2009Michael Phelps had 'a beer' before crash
Michael Phelps had "a beer" about an hour before getting in an accident in Baltimore on Thursday. People reports:
Investigators found that the Accord's driver, Amanda E. Virkus, was at fault for the crash. She will be cited for failure to obey a red light, and for causing an accident.
Phelps will be cited for driving with an invalid, out-of-state license. When police arrived on scene following the mishap, the Olympic swimmer presented an invalid Michigan drivers license. According to a police source, the Michigan license was no good because Phelps did not pay an earlier fine for not showing proof of insurance. "It looks like he didn't pay a reinstatement fee, and the license was suspended," the source said.
As someone who's told the police on several occasions I've only had one beer, I believe Michael Phelps. Now had he said he only sucked one shot of Jager out of a stripper's navel, I'd have to call him a liar. You do at least ten of those or you have no business being in a bar. I don't care how awesome the cheese fries are.
Aug 14 2009Michael Phelps in three car accident
Michael Phelps was involved in a car accident late last night, according to the Baltimore Sun:
The accident Thursday night that involved Olympic swimming star Michael Phelps was caused when the female driver of a Honda Accord sped through a red light and hit a Cadillac Escalade driven by Phelps at a Mid-Town Belvedere intersection, according to Baltimore police.
Phelps and his two passengers were not hurt and cooperated with the investigation, police said.
People reports police did not administer Michael Phelps a breathalyzer because alcohol was clearly not a factor. Also, he dove into a river and yelled "I'm Aquaman, bitches!" before fucking a seahorse, so it was kind of hard to pin him down at that point. Okay, maybe that didn't happen. But it should have.
Apr 24 2009Heidi & Spencer: America's Punching Bag
- Heidi and Spencer shill themselves out in front of a green screen. Internet exploitation occurs. [Videogum]
- Robert Pattinson's early made-for-TV movie days. Now I see how he was so prepared for Twilight. ZING! -- I'll be avoiding the Young Adult section of Borders from here on out. [ICYDK]
- Bridget Marquardt doesn't like Hawaiian food. Old man balls, yes. Hawaiian food, no way. Makes sense. [Jezebel]
- Michael Phelps is NOT dating Miss California Carrie Prejean. But is willing to change that stance if she'll agree Jesus would want her to have sex with him so he never smokes marijuana again. [Best Week Ever]
- Michael Jackson involved in a hit-and-run with an ambulance. But the important thing is, no one's kids were touched. High five! [Allie is Wired]
- Rihanna starts new career as a speedboat driver/potential pirate. They're so in right now. [PopSugar]
Apr 22 2009Beyonce doesn't sound like her songs? I'm shocked.
- Beyonce's real singing voice or that time I thought my cat was a beautiful woman? I mean, not that you're not, Whiskers. Who's a good girl? [Jezebel] UPDATE: TMZ confirms it's a hoax.
- Michael Phelps is apparently dating Miss California Carrie Prejean. Because there's something to be said about vigorous dry-humping after reading the Bible. But not really. [Allie is Wired]
- Nicollete Sheridan gets killed off Desperate Housewives, and nobody watches. Except a tearful Michael Bolton. "Tell me how am I supposed to live without you... Oh, wait. I'm rich. To the Whores Room!" [Vulture]
- Paris Hilton allowed near African royalty. Christ, haven't these people suffered enough? This is probably a good time for our president to say "Aw, hellll no." [PopSugar]
- Billy Bob Thornton thinks you're a "humpback geek" for noticing when he acts like an asshole in international news. -- But still think he's cool, alright? Please? He'll say the "French fried potater" line. [Videogum]
- Bo Bice gets his own trading card. Yes, Virginia, there is a Satan. And he loves American Idol. [Best Week Ever]
Continue Reading "Beyonce doesn't sound like her songs? I'm shocked."
Feb 27 2009Kanye West: 'Give Chris Brown a break - and O.J.'
Kanye West recently performed for VH1's Storytellers, and during the three hour shoot he made some choice comments that producers decided to edit out. Including a plea to back off Chris Brown. Reuters reports:
A little later, West asked the crowd, "Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life." He was referring to R&B singer Chris Brown, who was arrested on the night of the Grammys on suspicion of beating his girlfriend Rihanna.
In the same context, West earned loud applause with his declaration: "Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing ... He's a real f---in' person; he makes mistakes," referring to the champion swimmer's recent bong pipe brouhaha.
VH1 has cleaned up those comments a bit, and it also included West's less-popular follow-up observation: "O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing though?"
I love how he lumped Michael Phelps in there because taking a hit off a bong is the exact same thing as beating your girlfriend, molesting children and killing your wife. I mean, who among us didn't look at the Rihanna photo and immediately say "Damn. It's Michael Phelps all over again!"? Frankly, I don't see how you can tell the two apart they're so alike.
Continue Reading "Kanye West: 'Give Chris Brown a break - and O.J.'"
Feb 18 2009Michael Phelps is a genius
Ever since finding out photographs create a visual record of everything that you do, Michael Phelps is on a one-man mission to avoid the paparazzi. Even if it includes going to the strip club every night. The man's a hero. Page Six reports:
A spy tells us the human dolphin recently had the windows of his Baltimore house tinted to prevent paparazzi from snapping shots of him at home. According to our source, Phelps has also been "hiding out at strip clubs," since they're the only places he can party with no pictures being taken.
I almost want to get married right now just to use that as an excuse to go to the nudie bar. "Gotta run out, babe. Damn paparazzi are dogging me. - - Got any ones?"
Somebody needs to give Michael Phelps the Nobel Prize.
Feb 16 2009Michael Phelps won't be charged for bong photo. GASP!
In a shocking move of logic and reason, Michael Phelps will not be facing charges from the photo of him smoking a bong at a November 2008 frat party. The Richland County Sheriff's office didn't have enough evidence to prosecute the Olympic swimmer or anyone else at the party, according to People:
"I'm glad this matter is put to rest. But there are also some important lessons that I've learned," Phelps, 23, said in a statement Monday.
"For me, it's all about recognizing that I used bad judgment and it's a mistake I won't make again. For young people especially – be careful about the decisions you make. One bad decision can really hurt you and the people you care about."
And that bad decision was admitting to a photo that no one could even tell was you - like an idiot. Take note, young people, deny everything. Otherwise, there goes your Kelloggs endorsement, and then who's going to buy you a Ferrari full of hookers and blow? (Not counting Jared from Subway.)
The More You Know....
Feb 10 2009Michael Phelps lost two grand playing beer pong
Not only did the party at University of South Carolina cost Michael Phelps the warm, striped love of Tony the Tiger, he lost $2,000 playing beer pong. Which is why you never bet money on beer pong. Only your car, first born child or a quick peek at your girlfriend's breast. True story. Page Six reports:
"I saw Phelps pull out a roll, a bank-wrapped $2,000. He said, 'I'll match the $2,000,' " onlooker Michael Whitworth told the State newspaper. "Good ol' Phelpsie lost it, too."
In the meantime, the Richland County Sheriff's Department have arrested eight people in connection to the party despite Columbia residents wisely insisting they focus on more serious crimes, according to WIS News. Michael Phelps will most likely not face charges:
We've now learned that since investigators began trying to build a case, they've made eight arrests: seven for drug possession and one for distribution. These are arrests that resulted as the sheriff's department served search warrants.
We've also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong. Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000. The owner, who wasn't even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.
Governor Mark Sanford is also weighing in on the sheriff's actions. On the FOX News Channel Sunday night, Geraldo Rivera asked Sanford whether Phelps should be prosecuted.
"I don't see what it gets at this point," said Sanford. His spokesman told us Monday night Sanford is letting that quote stand.
Oh, boy, eight college students got busted for pot! Congratulations, Columbia, South Carolina, you're now the safest town in America. No need to lock your doors tonight - or even close them at all. The Sheriff caught them potheads. Whoopee!
