Oct 21 2009Kim Kardashian wants a baby NOW
Since it's no fair stupid Kourtney gets to have one and hog all the attention, Kim Kardashian wants a baby before she hits 30 next October, according to Life & Style:
"I always had a vision I'd be married with one kid by the time I'm 30." Not that Kim's likely to be waiting for a ring much longer. After dating for more than two years, Kim and boyfriend Reggie Bush, split in July but are now back together and working on their issues. "Before, I was strictly all about my work," Kim admits. "Now I make it a priority to go see him instead. It's all about the commitment you choose to make."
And with renewed faith in their relationship, Kim and Reggie are making moves toward their future. "Kim is selling her condo so she and Reggie can buy a home together in Los Angeles," her friend says. And the prospect of having a big house has Kim thinking about how she and Reggie will fill it. "I want a lot of kids," Kim tells Life & Style. "Maybe five or six. A mix of both boys and girls."
I'm sure nothing will bring Kim Kardashian more joy than giving birth to a beautiful baby, immediately handing it off to a team of Mexican nannies and then spending the next year hiring the greatest plastic surgeons of our time to restore her ass. I hear one of them even built a time machine to go into the future since our current ass enhancement technologies fall short of such a task. Or maybe I'm thinking about last week's Nip/Tuck. You get my point.
Oct 19 2009Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom agree on a pre-nup
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom have reached an agreement on a pre-nup and will make their marriage official this week, according to TMZ:
We know Lamar and Khloe have orally agreed, but the deal is not yet inked. It's basically the same structure as we first reported when they began negotiating. Lamar's $33 million -- which he stands to make during his 4-year contract with the Lakers -- is out of bounds for Khloe. But Lamar will fund the joint account, and Khloe can do considerable damage with that.
Again, as we reported, Khloe will get an annual lump sum, which will not go up or down throughout the marriage.
We also know during the negotiations Khloe (with the help of her mom, Kris) got Lamar to agree to buy a nice, expensive house for both of them that will probably cost $5 million minimum.
RadarOnline has details on some of the demands Khloe was making and naturally it reads like a gold-digger's shopping list:
A flat sum of about $500,000 for every year they were married, $25,000 a month in general support, their new house, a new luxury vehicle at the end of every lease cycle, $5,000 a month for shopping, $1,000 for beauty care, AND courtside Lakers tickets for everyone in her family.
For those of you questioning the $1,000/month in beauty care, it's actually pretty expensive to wax an entire Wookiee every week. Factor in the occasional mauling and it adds up, so I'm going to let Khloe slide on this one because let it never be said I'm not a kind and understanding individual.
Continue Reading "Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom agree on a pre-nup"
Oct 12 2009Christina Hendricks is an ample bride
Christina Hendricks wed her boyfriend of only a few months Geoffrey Arend on Saturday in New York, according to People. Now, I'm not the marrying type, but if I ever decided to sign my own death sentence, those are exactly what I want to see bounding down the aisle towards me. I'm pretty sure Geoffrey stood at the altar and thought about all the things he'd do to those bad boys, but not before taking the time to pat himself on the back for the most successful blackmail scheme of all time. It seems like only yesterday he came across her drowning that baby.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Christina After the Jump
Oct 6 2009Lamar Odom isn't giving Khloe Kardashian a dime
Turns out Lamar Odom is fully aware of the Kardashians' reputation after all, which is surprising for a man who "married" one after just a month of dating. TMZ reports:
We've learned Odom went to the Beverly Hills law office of divorce-guru Neal Hersh last Friday to hash out the terms. Hersh won't return our call, but Odom's people tell us "Lamar has a set of balls" -- translation, he's not giving Khloe half of anything.
We're told Lamar wants to make sure the money and other assets he brings into the marriage are solely his. Beyond that, we're told Lamar ain't giving Khloe half of his earnings going forward.
Of course, Khloe married Lamar for love, so none of this really matters.
UPDATE: Khloe Kardashian is reportedly perched atop the Empire State Building where she refuses to stop batting down fighter jets until Lamar Odom's attorney agree to a 70/30 split...
Continue Reading "Lamar Odom isn't giving Khloe Kardashian a dime"
Oct 1 2009Madonna prefers a train to the face over marriage
Madonna appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman last night and revealed she'd "rather get hit by a train" than marry again which is great. Wonderful. There's another thing that obviously won't kill her since she just rubbed it in my face. Time to update the list:
Things That Might Kill Madonna
Guy Ritchie
Catholics
The tears of small African children
Voltron
Meteor rocks
The engorged penis of a Brazilian model
GOOP
Gypsies
Pizza
Trains
Excalibur
Continue Reading "Madonna prefers a train to the face over marriage"
Sep 30 2009Khloe Kardashian's wedding scripted to the last detail
While Khloe Kardashian's hawking the OK! Magazine wedding issue on her blog, TMZ has audio that proves pretty much every single detail of her still-not-legally-binding marriage to Lamar Odom was entirely scripted by the producers of Keeping Up with the Kardashians:
Forget bridesmaids ... Khloe Kardashian needed TV producers for her faux wedding. Listen to the walkie-talkie chatter behind the scenes, choreographing Khloe's every move.
Everything was planned ... even the moment when Khloe told Bruce Jenner she considered him her "real dad."
The production was staged right down to the number of steps Khloe would backpedal before taking the plunge -- about 10.
Of course, when using Sasquatch actors it's best to be fully prepared so you can avoid such unfortunate instances as "Holy shit, it's eating that baby!" And "Can someone bring me a new plate of chicken? This one has a Sasquatch on it."
Sep 29 2009Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom aren't married
TMZ confirms that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's wedding wasn't legit and won't be until their lawyers can agree on a prenup. But they're so in love, folks. So in love:
We've learned two high-powered family law attorneys are already squaring off, trying to hash out the prenup Odom wants as a condition to marriage. Neal Hersh is doing his bidding, while Lisa Meyer is repping Khloe. We're told the negotiations -- which began last Friday -- are already contentious.
In the meantime, Bookmaker.com has put together the following odds on how long their marriage, if it ever happens, will last and not surprisingly this thing won't make it past six months:
HOW LONG WILL LAMAR ODOM AND KHLOE KARDASHIAN'S MARRIAGE LAST
1-3 Weeks +165 (38%)
1-5 Months +120 (45%)
6-11 Months +200 (33%)
1-2 Years +300 (25%)
2+ Years +400 (20%)
Of course, I hear birthing a shitload of kids then ditching the father is so in right now. They even give you your own talk show.
ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAR TAKEYOURPANTSOFF!!
And that, my friends, was the mating call of a Wookiee after eating 500 fertility pills.
SELECTIVEREDUCTION'SFORPUSSIES AAAROOOOOOO!
Continue Reading "Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom aren't married"
Sep 28 2009Fred Durst is divorced already
After roughly three months of marriage, Fred Durst announced on his Twitter today that his marriage to Esther Nazarov is over:
For those of you inquiring I will confirm that Esther and I have decided to go our seperate ways and we both thank you for your support.
So I'm going to go ahead and assume Esther woke up one morning and realized she doesn't hate her father anymore. In a way, it's almost like Fred Durst is providing a service to women - once you ignore all the sex he has with them which they're going to want to repress as soon as possible. That said, I don't normally advocate the use of heroin, but sometimes you gotta break a few eggs to forget Fred Durst intercoursed you.
