Nov 17 2009Robert Pattinson is ready to brood for you now
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and that kid Summit Entertainment wants you to believe is banging Taylor Swift worked the crowdfor the LA premiere of The Twilight Saga: New Moon last night. Will Edward's skin sparkle for Bella because that somehow represents heterosexual love or will Jacob the wolf get some heavy petting? That's right, I went there. But only to prove a point that anyone can write Young Adult novels:
Meet Curtis the non-demanding zombie. He's content with just dry-humping and cuddling, but will his hunger for brains overcome his love for Stella, a shy young girl who would never amount to anything unless she finds a husband to impregnate her? Find out in 28 Mormons Later Infected Lust: Necking Just got a Whole Lot More BRAINY.
Scope Out (28) Pics of the New Moon Premiere After the Jump
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Nov 12 2009Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart relationship confirmed by Catherine Hardwicke
And Catherine Hardwicke just signed Kristen Stewart's death warrant. In a new interview with Time, the Twilight director confirms Kristen and Robert Pattinson's hand-holding heard 'round the world most likely ended in pale sex that night:
By all accounts, the chemistry between the two leads was intense, maybe too intense. "After I cast him, I told Rob, Don't even think about having a romance with her," Hardwicke says. "She's under 18. You will be arrested." It was the beginning of the real-life are-they-aren't-they, did-they-didn't-they speculation that is now an ongoing subplot of the Twilight story. "I didn't have a camera in the hotel room. I cannot say," Hardwicke says. "But in terms of what Kristen told me directly, it didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film. I think it took a long time for Kristen to realize, O.K., I've got to give this a go and really try to be with this person."
It's a good thing I wasn't directing this movie because if Rob Pattinson asked me if he could bang an underage Kristen Stewart, I'd not only say "yes" but offer to be his lookout. Mostly so I could turn him into the police and end this goddamn shrieking insanity before it even started. But, hey, we can't all be epic saviors of humanity.
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Nov 11 2009Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart marketing barrage begins and other news
- Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart pretend to fake human emotions for a living. I rest my case. [Lainey Gossip]
- Lindsay Price and Josh Radnor broke up. I thought that might mean something to somebody, but don't quote me on that. [PopEater]
- Sophie Monk has some legs she'd like you to see. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Eliza Dushku is out of a job. [Just Jared]
- Kim Kardashian eating a popsicle. Where have I seen something like this starring Ray J before... [Celebslam]
- Kristin Cavallari continues to bang Audrina Patridge's exes at MTV's request. That's how you earn a paycheck, Lauren Conrad. Goddamn freeloader. [The Blemish]
- Jessica Biel wants to be the Lindsay Lohan to Jennifer Garner's Samantha Ronson. [PopSugar]
- Angelina Jolie and Jon Voight have reconciled. Finally! This candlelight vigil was boring as shit. [Betty Confidential]
- AnnaLynne McCord gives the troops some love. [Socialite Life]
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Nov 5 2009Kristen Stewart probably shouldn't do interviews
While doing press for New Moon this week, Kristen Stewart played the always ridiculous "It's so hard being a rich actress in a successful franchise" card in a roundtable with Entertainment Weekly:
Asked about the endless rumors of her supposed off-screen romance with Pattinson, for instance, Stewart got nicely fired up. "I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it," she said. "But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about 'Well, you chose to be an actor, why don't you just f--ing give your whole life away?! Can I have your firstborn child?'"
Pattinson himself, who clearly loathes confrontation, tried to softly interject with philosophical statements about the need for an actor to hold onto his individuality. But Stewart cut him off. "I've thought about this a lot," she said. "There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Okay, we are. We aren't. I'm a lesbian.' I'm just trying to keep something," she said. "If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like 'F-- off!'
You know what's always smart? Letting the main actress in your cash cow franchise call your target audience "the fiending." Then again, I'm pretty sure they read this article and all they saw was "Blah blah blah 'Robert Pattinson will dry hump me if I buy a Twilight backpack' blah blah blah 'Kristen Stewart is a lesbian and no longer a threat to me' blah blah blah 'I wish I didn't read Breaking Dawn 400 times because now I no longer understand the English language' blah blah blah blah."
To prove my point, watch as I instantly quadruple the site's traffic: I totally just heard Edward Cullen will hold your hand in gym class if you click every single picture on The Superficial - twice. OMG!
(Why didn't I do this sooner?)
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Oct 6 2009Kristen Bell is still banging that guy and other news
- Nancy Grace lunches on Jon Gosselin's balls. [PopEater]
- Don Draper kicks the shit out of non-fictional men. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kelly Bensimon needs to stop working out. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Paris Hilton will answer the age-old question: Can ghosts get chlamydia? [Just Jared]
- Mel Gibson's DUI has been expunged from his record which proves the Jews don't control every facet of the government after all. Just the police. (Drive carefully, SugarTits.) [Celebslam]
- Gwyneth Paltrow does Paris Fashion Week. [PopSugar]
- Kristen Stewart poses for Allure. [ICYDK]
- Beyonce talks about the Kanye VMA incident and how awesome it was Universal Music. Okay, maybe that last part was implied. Telepathically. [Wonderwall]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Kristen After the Jump
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Sep 14 2009Marisa Miller is fashiony and other news
- Whitney Houston talks Bobby Brown with Oprah. Spoiler: Crack is involved. [PopEater]
- Ryan Reynolds might be The A-Team's Murdock instead of Green Lantern. [Lainey Gossip]
- Megan Fox was at the VMAs? She must've bolted after Kanye exceeded the show's bitch threshold. Whose night didn't he ruin? [Just Jared]
- Stuart Townsend is a sly bastard. Kudos, sir. [Celebslam]
- Whoopi Goldberg remembers Patrick Swayze. [Wonderwall]
- Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are definitely having pale sex together. [PopSugar]
Aug 27 2009Kim Kardashian is a water goddess and other news
- Chris Brown will appear on Larry King Live - with his mommy and lawyer beside him. Seriously, how big of a pussy is this kid that he's afraid of questions from an octogenarian? Give it to me straight. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jeremy Piven has been vindicated for his departure from the David Mamet play Speed the Plow after an arbiter ruled he did not breach his contract. After the proceedings, the arbiter was generously tipped with Entourage Season 2 on DVD and is now suing to reverse his decision. [PopEater]
- Kristen Stewart is getting naked in an upcoming independent film. Now you ladies can see what your dear Edward's been hitting while your boyfriend masturbates under a blanket. It's the perfect date movie! [Celebslam]
- Natalie Portman enjoys rap songs about penises. Seriously. [PopSugar]
- Kate Gosselin makes Target employees escort her to car as if their lives aren't shitty enough. Nice one. [Just Jared]
- Anne Heche hates her ex-husband. Maybe you've heard. [The Blemish]
- Shania Twain proves she's learned her lesson about men - by getting married again. Smart! [ICYDK]
- George Clooney broke his hand after accidentally slamming it in a car door. And by car door I mean 20 naked cocktail waitresses. [Wonderwall]
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Aug 17 2009Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart are going public
Seen here at a Kings of Leon concert in Vancouver Saturday night, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are apparently done hiding their relationship, according to Us Weekly:
"They've decided to be more public about going out now," an insider tells the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands now). "They're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but they've definitely hooked up."
Their Twilight costars are supportive.
"If they want to date each other, fine!" Billy Burke, who plays Stewart's dad, tells Us. "Look, when you're that age, you're going to make mistakes. You're going to date people you probably shouldn't date. It's all part of the growing process."
Yeah. They sound amazingly supportive. "When you're young and retarded, you'll pretty much fuck anything. So have at it, morons."
