Nov 20 2009Kim Kardashian's ass in boots and other news
- Ashley Greene is the Kate Hudson of the Twilight franchise? But Ashley has breasts... [Lainey Gossip]
- Kate Hudson proving my point from above. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Vanessa Hudgens is still maintaining Zac Efron's cover. [PopEater]
- Rihanna performs at sea. [Just Jared]
- Barron Hilton has pull at nightclubs that let him illegally drink. Ain't Hollywood grand? [Celebslam]
- Josh Duhamel and Katie Holmes discuss the trials of having cock-hungry spouses. [PopSugar]
- Jude Law is an incredible neighbor. [The Blemish]
- Tyra Banks is apparently some sort of racist. [Betty Confidential]
- Tim Burton being eyed for fourth Twilight movie? I don't think the world's ready for the vaginal tidal wave of Johnny Depp playing a sparkly vampire. We need more levees, dammit! [Socialite Life]
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Nov 16 2009Paris Hilton wants to destroy the Kardashians
Paris Hilton is pissed that the Kardashians rode her admittedly roomy labia to stardom and now make more money than she does. However, Paris is already planning to destroy them by copying their every move? Okay, sure. Page Six reports:
"She used to command $100,000 for club appearances, but now Kim is the hottest girl -- and they aren't friends anymore. The magazines are bidding around $300,000 for Kourtney's baby-shower and baby pictures. And Khloe's wedding brought in record ratings for E!
"Paris has realized that standing for excess in a recession doesn't appeal," our insider continued. "The Kardashian girls seem more real, and girls identify with them more. She's got to ditch the pink Bentley and concentrate on developing herself."
Sources close to Hilton said she's carefully working on the launch of her new hair and beauty line, which she'll unveil in Beverly Hills on Tuesday, taking the lead from the Kardashians by having her family at her side.
Of course, there's an easier way to settle this: Everyone involved in this story kills themselves and whoever disrupts the most CNN coverage wins. Ready GO!
NOTE: Apologies to Kourtney's unborn child except not really and you're welcome.
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Nov 2 2009Kim Kardashian as Disney Princesses: Plastic Surgery Edition
Here are conveniently ass-free shots of Kim Kardashian dressed up as Princess Jasmine and Snow White over the weekend that she posted to her blog today. At this time, I'd like to apologize to young girls reading the site who are just now finding out that men will only pay attention to them if they're scantily clad and sporting giant cans. But in my defense, who better to bring that message home than the magic of Disney? Take it away, Tink in a thong! (Am I the only one seeing her?)
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Oct 22 2009Kim Kardashian's birthday is NOT an excuse to avoid photographing her ass
Kim Kardashian celebrated her 29th birthday again last night at Philippe's in West Hollywood and for some reason the paparazzi obliged her demands to not photograph her ass. Because people are dying to see what Kim's face looks like with 800 pounds of make-up. No, really, it's probably my most popular request besides "Kevin James' taint." True story.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Kim's Birthday After the Jump
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Oct 22 2009Dennis Quaid almost pulled a Mel Gibson
Dennis Quaid got drunk off his ass last night at Philippe's in West Hollywood and apparently attempted to drive home with his wife Kimberly when a friendly police officer stopped him just before he took off. (The motor was running, for you legal nuts.) Of course, had this been you or me, the cop would've waited for us to drive away then let a K-9 unit bite us in the testicles during the arrest. Access Hollywood reports:
According to TMZ and Radar Online, Dennis got behind the wheel of the car when a police car pulled up alongside side the actor's car and urged the 55-year-old actor to not drive.
According to TMZ, police repeatedly told the actor, "Get out of the car."
He reportedly responded to the officer, asking, "What do you want me to do?"
The actor, his wife and friend then reportedly went back inside the restaurant and emerged a short time later to a waiting taxicab.
The waiting paparazzi reportedly screamed, "You don't want a DUI. You don't want to end up like Mel Gibson."
Dennis reportedly laughed before getting into the cab and driving off.
Want to know the worst part of this story? Dennis Quaid was at Kim Kardashian's birthday party which means he could've drunkenly plowed through a day-care filled with orphans and abandoned puppies and people still would've been saying "Kim Kardashian's birthday party?! That's fucking terrible."
Scope Out (12) Pics of Drunken Dennis After the Jump
Oct 21 2009Kim Kardashian wants a baby NOW
Since it's no fair stupid Kourtney gets to have one and hog all the attention, Kim Kardashian wants a baby before she hits 30 next October, according to Life & Style:
"I always had a vision I'd be married with one kid by the time I'm 30." Not that Kim's likely to be waiting for a ring much longer. After dating for more than two years, Kim and boyfriend Reggie Bush, split in July but are now back together and working on their issues. "Before, I was strictly all about my work," Kim admits. "Now I make it a priority to go see him instead. It's all about the commitment you choose to make."
And with renewed faith in their relationship, Kim and Reggie are making moves toward their future. "Kim is selling her condo so she and Reggie can buy a home together in Los Angeles," her friend says. And the prospect of having a big house has Kim thinking about how she and Reggie will fill it. "I want a lot of kids," Kim tells Life & Style. "Maybe five or six. A mix of both boys and girls."
I'm sure nothing will bring Kim Kardashian more joy than giving birth to a beautiful baby, immediately handing it off to a team of Mexican nannies and then spending the next year hiring the greatest plastic surgeons of our time to restore her ass. I hear one of them even built a time machine to go into the future since our current ass enhancement technologies fall short of such a task. Or maybe I'm thinking about last week's Nip/Tuck. You get my point.
Oct 11 2009Kim Kardashian's ass still defies logic
Kim Kardashian stopped to get some gas yesterday and surprisingly deviated from her standard practice of never letting the paparazzi photograph her ass. Though based on these photos, I don't see how it's physically possible for them not to. I'm pretty sure if a pap stood with his back to Kim and aimed across the street, there'd be some ass in the shot. And by some I mean all of it. "What the devil? She was behind me! 'Tis sorcery, I say!"*
*Note: The paparazzi speak in old English now, and don't worry, I didn't believe it either until I realized I wrote it. So it has to be true.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Kim After the Jump
Oct 9 2009Paris Hilton still has really gross knees and other news
- Billy Ray Cyrus wants Miley Cyrus to keep Tweeting. How else is going to buy that there sol-eed gold spittoon he's been fixin' to get? [Lainey Gossip]
- Jon Gosselin and the paparazzi: BFFs. [PopEater]
- Jessica Alba wears retarded shorts. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Heidi Klum has NOT birthed a future German sexpot yet. [Just Jared]
- R. Kelly admits he's illiterate but also the "Greatest Writer of All Time." Why not? [Celebslam]
- Reggie Bush looks so thrilled to be back with Kim Kardashian. So thrilled. [PopSugar]
- David Letterman used to take his mistress/assistant on family vacations. Now those are some balls. [The Blemish]
- Kourtney Kardashian is having a boy which proves the Kardashian sisters have to have a penis in them at all times. Least surprising fact ever. I know. [ICYDK]
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