Jan 18 2009Amy Winehouse: Re-devoted wife, lifeguard, group sex enthusiast
Amy Winehouse's schizophrenia has kicked back in, and she's no longer trashing husband Blake Fielder-Civil who filed for divorce after she very publicly had a relationship with "actor" Josh Bowman in St. Lucia. Amy's still on the island where The Sun caught up with her for an interview. Here's the crazy Amy spewed when she wasn't busy trying to figure out how much bourbon equals one crack rock:
On Blake filing for divorce:
“I still love my Blake. I won’t let him divorce me. He’s still in jail but the moment he comes out I’ll be there waiting for him. I love him because he’s just like me. Blake is the male version of me. We’re perfect for each other. I don’t want to go back home to England. I want to wait for Blake here.”
On Josh Bowman:
She said her recent widely publicised fling with rugby hunk holidaymaker Josh Bowman, 21, was just “having some fun” and she “wants Blake and nobody else. Josh was lovely. But it was a holiday thing. I’ve got my Blake.
On banging other dudes:
"While Blake is in jail I’m still gonna have a good time — he can’t do much about it. But once he comes out we’ll be together again. There’s some nice lads here, I am just having fun. I don’t want anybody else because I’ve got my Blake."
On quitting drugs but still drinking her face off:
“I am not doing drugs and am doing lots of fitness. I’ve started writing songs. I feel great — apart from today. I feel like s**t after a late one last night.”
On rescuing a woman on the beach:
“I thought she was going to drown. All of a sudden she just fell off the boat and was thrown by the sea on to some rocks. I ran down and grabbed her and helped her back to the beach but she was covered in scratches. I might get myself a job as a lifeguard here!”
On constantly hitting up guests for threesomes:
The male guest, who asked not to be named, told me: “As soon as we arrived at the resort Amy was all over my girlfriend. She was telling her, ‘You’re gorgeous. I’d love to **** you. Bring your boyfriend, he can watch’. She was quite clear what she wanted, she was saying, ‘You two can spend the night in my room’. If she had been at all good looking we might have done it."
Jesus. How do you not stay married to that? You know who would love this story? Children. Get me Disney on the line. Tell them this time I have winner, and it's way better than my last pitch about the stripper who stole my wallet then got eaten by a reggae-singing bear. - - Okay, almost better.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse: Re-devoted wife, lifeguard, group sex enthusiast"
Jan 12 2009Amy Winehouse's husband files for divorce, cites her adultery (Whoops.)
Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil has started divorce proceedings today and is citing "Amy's adultery" with Joshua Bowman as the grounds, according to People:
Blake Fielder-Civil has instructed a lawyer to file papers. "I can confirm that I have been instructed to commence divorce proceedings on the grounds of Amy's adultery," Henri Brandman told PEOPLE, confirming a statement he made to a Sunday tabloid in the U.K.
Man, I wonder what would cause Blake to make such a bold move? It's not like Amy has been openly running around with a new boyfriend then giving interviews claiming Blake is terrible in bed. Except, oh wait, that's exactly what she did. Scope out this excerpt from Amy's interview with News of the World:
“When I’m with Josh I don’t need drugs to feel good because he makes me feel so amazing.” She then leans forward and whispers cheekily: “We just had sex. . . can’t you tell?”
And, in one of the rare moments she ever mentions her husband, Amy reveals: “Blake was rubbish in bed. Do you know what? Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead. I don’t know what’s going on with us now and for the time being I’ve just forgotten I’m even married. I’m just here on my own, happy and having a good time with Josh. I’ll deal with Blake when I get back. But our whole marriage was based on doing drugs.
"So being with someone like Josh is much better for me.”
Okay, so maybe in Amy's road to recovery, she poorly handled her divorce and will pay out the ass to get rid of Blake. A moot point since she's no longer financing London's crack market. The important thing is, Joshua Bowman's friends can laugh at him because he totally banged Amy Winehouse. And so will every single casting director alive. Now, I'm not saying using his penis as a head shot would've been the wiser career move, but yeah.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse's husband files for divorce, cites her adultery (Whoops.)"
Jan 9 2009Amy Winehouse can't be doing what I think she's doing
So, yeah, if that's not Amy Winehouse peeing while standing up, I don't know what is. This explains what she was adjusting in those bikini pics from last week. I almost feel bad for her "boyfriend" Joshua Bowman who was looking for some free publicity to boost his acting career. And by almost feel bad I mean I've been pointing at my monitor and laughing for the past ten minutes straight.
But, seriously, at the end of the day, is anyone really surprised to find out Amy Winehouse has a penis? With all the drugs she's done, I'd bet money there's another one down there. And it's shaped like a stegosaurus.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse can't be doing what I think she's doing"
Jan 6 2009Amy Winehouse's mystery man identified
Amy Winehouse has been spotted in St. Lucia the past couple of days with a mystery lover who's been identified as 21-year-old aspiring actor Joshua Bowman, and he swears to God he's not using Crackzilla for publicity. (Because he is.) The Daily Mail reports:
Mr Bowman said: 'She's just a cool girl, very nice, and we're just very friendly. She's a good laugh - she is such a lovely girl and on great form.
'I can't say much more than that. I have been having a lovely time relaxing. It's not been all party-party. I don't drink much at all as it happens.
'It's true to say that I'm a budding young actor. But I'd rather get my name out there because of my acting rather than who I'm being photographed with. I wasn't waiting until there was a photographer on the beach to put my arm around Amy.
No, of course, Joshua Bowman wasn't waiting for photographers to show up on the beach. That's just retarded. He paid them to hide behind the jetty over there and not take pictures of him vomiting or wincing. You know, make it look believable. That said, the top photo exposes his little ruse because something obviously fell off of Amy into his hands. I don't even want to guess this early in the morning, but it's an ear.
