Sep 1 2009Kim Zolciak gets topless for gay marriage and other news
- Kim & Khloe Kardashian are a hawking a new weight loss product they claim to use. So.. when does it start working? [PopEater]
- Victoria Beckham makes no fucking sense. Why can't she just wear a bikini like Ginger? [Lainey Gossip]
- Aubrey O'Day hearts Castro and Hitler, but apparently not her career. [Celebslam]
- Ryan Phillippe is in MacGruber. If Aubrey O'Day and him were having a contest over who's career is ready to be euthanized, it'd be a tie. [PopSugar]
- The Jonas Brothers think it's a compliment to be made fun of by Russell Brand. They do know he's not Jesus, right? The long hair sometimes confuses people. [Socialite Life]
- Audrina Patridge threw the first pitch at last night's Dodger's game which proves God hates baseball. [ICYDK]
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Jun 2 2009Lady GaGa wants foursome with Jonas Brothers
Lady GaGa apparently fantasizes about a Jonas Brothers gang-bang, PopCrunch reports:
The 23-year-old "Love Game" singer -- a former NYC exotic dancer- is a huge fan of the brothers from neighboring New Jersey -- and she's not at all put off by the persistent presence of the promise rings Kevin, Nick, and Joe wear to stay chaste until marriage.
"I love The Jonas Brothers, they're very talented. I met them once. I'd like to have a foursome with them."
Great, these kids already think having premarital sex will cause the Baby Jesus to ground them from Nintendo, and now Lady Gaga wants to trap them in a room with her naked body. Horrible idea. They could probably be molested by their own father in a cowboy outfit and walk away less psychologically scarred.
Apr 28 2009Julia Roberts is capable of profanity
- Julia Roberts swears! And even more shockingly, is alive. Holy shit! [PopSugar]
- Fergie's shoe line includes heels named after The Jonas Brothers? So are you not allowed to wear them until you're married? I don't get it. [MTV Buzzworthy]
- Courtney Love is opening up a lingerie store. Want to make your husband impotent? Your prayers have been answered. [ICYDK]
- Hugh Jackman isn't fucking with swine flu and has canceled the Mexican leg of his Wolverine promotional tour. Fortunately, he waited for Heidi and Spencer to get down there before saying "Ha, you're joking right? Pull the plug." [Videogum]
- Gisele Bundchen takes her baby out to play. Even though it came of Bridget Moynahan's vagina. Mere technicality. [Jezebel]
- Keira Knightley insists she eats. In fact, she loves food so much she'll marry it right here then have food children. -- I've gone too far, haven't I? [Best Week Ever]
- Suri Cruise bolts from Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes, you should take notes. [Allie is Wired]
Apr 15 2009Paris Hilton bored with Doug Reinhardt
- Paris Hilton is getting bored with Doug Reinhardt and has started calling Stavros Niarchos behind his back. Time to "go O.J.," Doug. It's what Hulk Hogan would do. [Celebslam]
- Lindsay Lohan pelted the paparazzi with Easter eggs last night after coming home from the bar. But she doesn't drink, everybody. She just randomly whips food at people to make the voices stop. It's all good. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Zac Efron and The Jonas Brothers in one location. Somewhere, Tom Cruise is frantically looking for his booster seat so he can reach his laptop. [Lainey Gossip]
- Hugh Jackman: Dream Gynecologist. Okay, maybe he's just a mad scientist. I can't do all your fantasizing for you, ladies. Or can I....? [Just Jared]
- Michael Vick might be getting a own reality show "documenting his return into society" after serving time for dog-fighting. If he eats a full can of Alpo in the first episode, maybe I'll TiVo it. [Radar Online]
- Jennifer Aniston told they're not using "high-tech devices" to make her look 48 in The Baster. There were no survivors. [I'm Not Obsessed]
Dec 2 2008Robert Pattinson photographed with Joe Jonas' girlfriend
Cashing in on his success playing a brooding metaphor for Mormonism in Twilight, Robert Pattinson took actress Camilla Belle (10,000 BC) out for lunch yesterday in Venice, California. One catch: Camilla is dating Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. Turns out purity rings are no substitute for a non-celibate penis. Ouch. That said, you know who's probably more upset about this? Jesus. But only because of his deep, factual hatred of the British. (Thinks they're "kinda gay.")
Scope out Celebuzz for the complete set of exclusive Robert Pattinson and Camilla Belle photos.
Sep 8 2008Paris Hilton defends the Jonas Brothers
I spoke too soon. Paris Hilton (Yes, the Gaping Canyon of Herp herself) came to the rescue of the chaste Jonas Brothers after they were ridiculed by VMA host Russell Brand, US Magazine reports:
"I don't pick on them," Hilton told Usmagazine.com after Brand's remarks. "That's something cool for a kid to keep, so don't pick on them for that."
"I think that they're all really good kids and that they're definitely our next generation of kids and they're all really good so I think that's awesome," Hilton added.
You know what's a good thing to do when Paris Hilton embraces your cause? Drown yourself in the tub. Which is convenient considering these kids still bathe together. Though I hear one more fight over Rubber Ducky Moses and it's separate bath times for three little Jonas boys. Aw, mom...
Sep 8 2008The Jonas Brothers are virgins
If it wasn't bad enough that MTV rigged the VMAs to salvage Britney Spears' careers, the network also watered down the show by including sugary sweet performances from Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. The latter are sons of a preacher and apparently wear purity rings as a symbol of their virginity. This, of course, caught the attention of host comedian Russell Brand. Who? You got me. The AP reports:
Brand clearly angered some in attendance when he repeatedly joked about the Jonas Brothers, the sons of a pastor, all of whom wear purity rings as a symbol of their vow not to have premarital sex. At one point, Brand brandished one as if he had won it from a Jonas brother.
"American Idol" champ Jordin Sparks defended them: "I just wanna say, it's not bad to wear a promise ring because not every guy and a girl wants to be a slut, OK?"
Brand responded by apologizing, before slyly offending again by alluding to R. Kelly in an unprintable joke (like many of his).
Perhaps summing up his perspective, he explained, "A bit of sex occasionally never hurt anybody."
"A bit of sex occasionally never hurt anybody." Oh, I see what's going on here. Russell Brand is actually Jesus. Ha! Good one.
