Nov 18 2009Johnny Depp is your Sexiest Man Alive
After a fake Robert Pattinson cover made the rounds yesterday, People has officially named Johnny Depp as their 2009 Sexiest Man Alive only to honor him with the least attractive photo they could take of him. Unless bland middle-aged hipster is this year's smelly vampire kid. I can never keep up with these trends.
Jul 23 2009Milla Jovovich's hotness is debatable and other news
- Paris Hilton's asinine claim that Michael Jackson named his daughter after her DEBUNKED. [Celebslam]
- Taylor Lautner totally dumped Selena Gomez for his ex Sara Hicks. -- So that's what it's like to write for Tiger Beat. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kelis awarded $55,000 in monthly child support from Nas after giving birth to their son this week. Jon Gosselin will wish he got off that easy. [PopEater]
- Megan Fox's Jonah Hex poster is corset-y. [Just Jared]
- Johnny Depp made a surprise visit to Comic-Con today at the beckoning of Tim Burton. Who saw that coming? Besides anyone who's seen a Tim Burton movie. [PopSugar]
- Heidi Montag is performing at the Miss Universe Pageant next month. Really? Heidi Montag? Performing without an entire sound crew digitizing every sound coming out of her face? Remind me to burn my TV that night. [I'm Not Obsessed]
Continue Reading "Milla Jovovich's hotness is debatable and other news"
Jun 29 2009Johnny Depp & Marion Cotillard premiere stuff
Johnny Depp and Marion Cotillard attended the London premiere of Public Enemies this afternoon, and they're probably the most attractive thing going on in the celebrity world right now thanks to Michael Jackson breaking the goddamn Internet. So, you can sift through the minutiae of a dead pop star's missing (or not so missing) will, or you can look at people more beautiful than anyone you'll ever sex with. You know where I'll be: I bet he hid it in a giraffe! Right here.
NOTE: NSFW gallery of Marion I completely forgot about here.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Johnny & Marion After the Jump
Continue Reading "Johnny Depp & Marion Cotillard premiere stuff"
Jun 26 2009Britney Spears wears a bra and other Michael Jackson-less news items
- Nick Lachey dumped Vanessa Minillo because she's a gold-digger. Wait. Nick Lachey has money? [Celebslam]
- Anne Hathaway has to look damn fine to C-3PO. [Lainey Gossip]
- Madonna's new Louis Vuitton ad looks just like her. If she was a perfectly porcelain doll who didn't have the sinewy arms of a zombie. [The Blemish]
- Robert Pattinson reveals he wouldn't be anywhere without Twilight. I'm going to assume this was an interview for People Who Just Woke Up From a Coma Weekly. [ICYDK]
- Jon Gosselin took his wedding ring off! Somebody alert CNN I just found their entire weekend's programming. [Just Jared]
- Johnny Depp never watches his own movies once he's done filming. That would explain the 25 minute, awkwardly edited butt sex scene in Public Enemies. I'm joking! It's only 10 minutes. [PopSugar]
Continue Reading "Britney Spears wears a bra and other Michael Jackson-less news items"
Jun 24 2009Spencer Pratt is told about himself. Musically.
- Angelina Jolie wants to be president. Well, we elected a black guy, so why not a quasi-incestuous blood amulet-wearing child collector? It's time, America. It's time. [Celebslam]
- Jonathan Rhys Meyers arrested for drunkenly assaulting an airport bartender who cut him off. -- I'm failing to see the crime here. [The Blemish]
- Paris Hilton is tired of the Cristiano Ronaldo which now she says are completely made-up. Yes, because clearly the paparazzi caused all our eyes to see a clear as fuck picture of her flashing her snizz at Ronaldo in a club. Those devious bastards! [ICYDK]
- Audrina Patridge's solo reality show is picked up by MTV. I'm going to assume she'll be in a bikini the entire time unless their goal is to lose a shit-ton of money by boring their audience into comas. [PopSugar]
- Johnny Depp at the premiere of Public Enemies. For all the ladies who can't figure out what the deal is with Robert Pattinson. [Lainey Gossip]
- Isabel Lucas reportedly out-hots Megan Fox in the new Transformers movie. I'll be the judge of that - when it hits HBO. Don't forget to remind me. [Just Jared]
Thanks to Emily for the video that, while humorous, involved two minutes and 55 seconds too much of Spencer's face..
May 27 2009Rihanna & Kanye West in 'Paranoid'
- Jessica Simpson is going back to reality TV. This time to travel around the world investigating body images and beauty in other cultures. Ten buck says she ends up at Chili's and thinks it's Mexico. [Lainey Gossip]
- Miley Cyrus' boyfriend Justin Gaston says he wishes he could be a lapdog that's petted and loved all day. -- Seriously, what else does this kid need to do let Billy Ray Cyrus know his daughter is dating a gay man? I thought that was illegal in the South. Or am I thinking about book learning? [The Blemish]
- Winona Ryder admits the biggest challenge in her life was getting over Johnny Depp. Wow. Way to obsess over things for twenty freaking years. Get me in a relationship with that. [ICYDK]
- Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are starring in a Broadway play together. It's called "Cha-Ching! I Can Almost Hear the Money Flying Out of Every Single Vagina That Just Read This." [Just Jared]
- Carrie Prejean is guest hosting Fox & Friends this week. Somewhere Rush Limbaugh just got an erection. Or at least tried until he remembered he's out of Mexican Viagra and BBQ sauce. Don't ask. [Jezebel]
- Lauren Conrad admits the producers of The Hills forced a reconciliation between her and Heidi. And by forced she meant wrote it in the script that tells her exactly how to look, feel, act and talk. You know, just like real life. [PopSugar]
Apr 2 2009Lindsay Lohan isn't leaving Man-Thing
- Lindsay Lohan denies break-up rumors again because, honestly, what else does she have to do? [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Johnny Depp hugs fans in Puerto Rico. In related news, mainland America's female population decreased by 50% moments ago as boat sales skyrocketed. [Pop Sugar]
- Kate Walsh drinks wine while shopping, and it's sexy. I down an Olde E in Toys 'R Us, and it's "illegal." No such thing as celebrity justice, huh? [Just Jared]
- Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler break up again. These two are like Romeo & Juliet. Minus the suicide. -- Goddammit. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Seth Rogen is hosting SNL this weekend which will undoubteldy test the nation's aloofness threshold. [Videogum]
- Keira Knightley battles domestic violence with brutal PSA. [Jezebel]
- Mickey Rourke : stray dogs :: Me : one-legged strippers. [Best Week Ever]
- Octo-Mom gets a baby seat thrown through her minivan by vandal. Because that'll teach her about driving vans in this town! [Radar Online]
- The Osbournes' new reality show is a flaming pile of shit. Who could've predicted that? Not counting the entire Earth's population including fetuses. [Vulture]
- Heidi Montag has more "music" coming. You know what would be happier news? Scientists discovering a new strand of AIDS. [Allie is Wired]
Dec 4 2007Johnny Depp is okay, I guess
This one’s for you, ladies. Here’s Johnny Depp at the premiere of Sweeney Todd at the Zeigfeld Theater in New York City. I don’t see why women find him so attractive. Sure he’s rich, talented and has solid steel abs I could use for some blacksmithing. What do you mean that sounds a little gay? I’m only saying I’d pound out my red-hot broadsword on his abs instead of the traditional anvil. Then I’d go wrestle a dragon or something. I’m pretty sure that’s the most heterosexual and medieval mental picture I’ll ever paint in my entire life. A cowboy with ass-less chaps and a moustache wants to give me a high-five. That’s how straight it is.
NOTE: I also added pictures of Keith Richards because women freaking love him. Like this chick who seems to be having a ball carting his surprisingly alive carcass around.
