Jan 28 2010Jessica Simpson farted during a business meeting. Of course she did.
During a meeting for her denim line earlier in the month, Jessica Simpson apparently decided to show everyone how classy and business-like she can be, according to Us Weekly:
"While one of the executives was speaking in a room full of five people, Jessica let out a very loud fart," says the insider.
"Her mother [Tina Simpson] was there, and it prompted her to turn around and yell, 'Jessica!' The tension was extreme. No one knew what to say."
Is anyone even the least bit surprised by this? Frankly I'm impressed she didn't light it on fire only to start crying about "boys always dumping me, and I don't know why" until someone ordered her a sympathy pizza. Or is that basically a given at this point?
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Jan 26 2010Jessica Simpson makes John Travolta look like a silly bitch
While John Travolta attempts to proselytize Haiti to Xenu, Jessica Simpson is actually doing something useful by sending shoes to a country that's covered in broken earthquake shit. Us Magazine reports:
The singer, 29, has announced plans to team up with Nashville-based shoe charity Soles4Souls to collect at least 50,000 pairs of shoes in 50 days, which will be sent to victims in the Caribbean country.
"Let's all do everything that we can for the tragedy in Haiti," she says in a video clip advertising the campaign.
Personally I would've preferred to see Jessica use her heaving breasts to feed all the children thrice over, but then again, that was my solution to to my leaky sunroof the other day: Jessica Simpson breast feeding. So maybe it's good she went with the shoes.
EDIT: Took the link down because, what the fuck?, they're flip flops. Now she has to do the breast feeding thing.
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Jan 14 2010Jessica Simpson's breasts aren't big enough
Because there's no way anything from Victoria's Secret will hold those things up, Wonder Woman is gonna be pissed when she sees these pics. "Borrow my clothes without asking, will ya? I want Tony Romo naked in the Invisible Jet in one hour. We're parking this bitch on her lawn."
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Jan 8 2010Jessica Simpson still has awesome breasts and other news
- Madonna and Sean Penn might really be happening again. [Lainey Gossip]
- Natalie Portman is done doing nude scenes. -- Somebody ask Artie Lange what went wrong so I can do the opposite. [PopEater]
- Victoria Silvstedt is Ol' Reliable. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Plaxico Burress denied work release from prison presumably so he doesn't shoot himself like a fucking idiot again. [Bossip]
- Kate Beckinsale suddenly makes me want to hump a three-ring binder for the second time today. [Celebslam]
- Bradley Cooper gets shirtless for The A-Team. [Just Jared]
- Rachel Weisz's kid is going to be a serial killer. [The Blemish]
- Megan Fox in a bathrobe. [PopSugar]
- Cher and Christina Aguilera on the set of the movie that almost made Kristen Bell gay. [Socialite Life]
- Audrina Patridge continues having sex with every single man in LA. [ICYDK]
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Jan 6 2010Jessica Simpson has curly hair. STOP EVERYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!
Somehow Jessica Simpson having curly hair has become the most pervasive news story of the morning, so here she is in LA last night showing off her new do. I guess I'm supposed to be titillated with excitement, but I'm mostly finding myself wondering if her breasts could suffocate a man. That's right, I can be deep and philosophical, too. (Suck it, Deepak.)
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Dec 22 2009Jessica Simpson sans make-up and other news
- Katy Perry did not bang Robert Pattinson the other day. You can take her off the "Kill List" now, Twi-hards. [Lainey Gossip]
- Meg Ryan or Samantha Ronson? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Rachel Uchitel breaks her silence to deny she's pregnant with a Tiger baby. [PopEater]
- Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz already have a trailer for their new movie. [Just Jared]
- Courtney Love was probably robbing Frances Bean blind. Adorable. [Celebslam]
- Carrie Underwood flashes her new engagement ring to the common riff-raff. [PopSugar]
- Kate Gosselin might be on Dancing With the Stars. Then who's going to exploit the kids? [Betty Confidential]
- Lindsay Lohan will be on the east coast for the holidays. Hide your coke. [Splash News]
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Dec 18 2009Jessica Simpson knew about Tiger's affairs
Jessica Simpson apparently didn't sleep with Tiger Woods because she knew about his "cheatin' ways." The Chicago Sun-Times reports:
According to the source, Simpson had heard about Woods' wandering when she and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo were still together. Like many people in the sports world, Romo was well aware of Tiger's trysts -- which now are being revealed as common knowledge by those who spent time with him, both on and off the golf course.
''Jessica had no interest in hooking up with Tiger, for that reason alone,'' added my source.
Wow. More than any other news that's come in, this truly shows the scope of Tiger Woods' philandering. It was enough for even Jessica Simpson to figure it out. Just to put things in perspective, she still thinks there's a magical elf who turns the light on in her fridge. "Oh, Christ, here she comes again! *flick* And there she goes. *flick* Now's she back. *flick* And gone. -- Hey, you left Bronx Mowgli next to the mayo! Someone kill me."
Dec 17 2009Elin Woods is '100%' filing for divorce
While Elin Woods packs up the kids to ditch Tiger for the holidays, presumably so he'll leave whore DNA on the coffee table, sources say their divorce is "100 percent on." ABC News reports:
According to Coyne, Nordegren is "shopping around" for a divorce attorney. People Magazine reported Nordegren would be going to Sweden soon to get out of the media glare.
"She's not rushing to divorce, however," the source told ABCNews.com. "She's going to take her sweet time. She wants all the dirty laundry to be out on the table before she signs anything."
At least Elin Woods understands this whore parade is nowhere near over. They haven't even found the silo where Tiger's storing all his love children. Mostly because it's not a matter of where they are, but when. DUN DUN DUN DUN!
No really, he owns a time machine.
