Nov 16 2009Ashlee Simpson: 'I love Jessica's body.' Keep going...
Ashlee Simpson apparently wants to do her own sister, according to the latest issue of Women's Health:
"My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady."
ASHLEE: What do you want for Christmas this year, Daddy?
JOE: Remember that interview where you said you loved Jessica's body...
ASHLEE: Tee hee. Oh, Daddy.
JOE: *pulls a gun* We don't joke about the Baby Jesus' birthday in this house! Jumping Jacks. NOW!
Continue Reading "Ashlee Simpson: 'I love Jessica's body.' Keep going..."
Nov 3 2009Jessica Simpson is a TV critic now
Despite the fact it takes her a week just to read a Dr. Seuss book, Jessica Simpson decided to shitcan the writing on Melrose Place and chastise The CW for firing Ashlee from the show:
CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press
Wait. I hope she's not criticizing the script to The Dukes of Hazzard because that thing was GOLD. In fact, I'll post the entire thing right here just to prove my point:
The Dukes of Hazzard
Scene: ALL OF THEM
Still hot and skinny Jessica Simpson from 2005 walks around in ridiculously short cutoffs while showcasing her stupid awesome breasts.
Some other shit happens. (Not really important.)
ROLL CREDITS.
*sniff* Gets me every time...
Oct 27 2009Jessica Simpson really can't go back to country now
Here's Jessica Simpson in India today where she's filming her new reality show "The Price of Beauty." She's also sporting a bindi which is the final nail in the coffin for her country music career because there are two things you don't do in that genre: Be a minority or look like a terrorist. Now, I know what you're thinking: India had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11, and you're absolutely right. However, you're employing things like book smarts and facts which, according to southern law, means Alan Jackson has the right to throw copies of the King James at your face until you drink a two-liter of Mountain Dew. Them's the rules.
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Oct 22 2009Gerard Butler battling Jessica Simpson's breasts?
Jessica Simpson might be the latest notch on Gerard Butler's belt. The two were spotted together Tuesday night, according to Page Six:
"They were at a table with friends, but Jessica and Gerard, who sat next to each other, seemed to only be interested in each other and chatted for hours," a spy told Page Six. "They were laughing and flirting and eventually left together, along with Ken [Paves]."
Remember that scene in 300 where Gerard Butler's character spears an elephant in slow-motion? That's all I'm saying.
Oct 15 2009Jessica Simpson gets apology from FOX/Burger King
FOX and Burger King have issued a joint apology for a FOX NFL Sunday sketch that mocked Jessica Simpson's weight this past Sunday. Us Magazine reports:
A rep for Fox tells Usmagazine.com in a statement: "Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended."
Burger King adds: "Burger King Corp. has a long-standing relationship with FOX Sports, as well as an extensive media partnership with the network. The specific content for this sketch involving Jessica Simpson was not developed or aired by BKC or any of its agencies."
Of course, Burger King isn't completely out of the clear on this one because every time I made fun of Jessica Simpson's weight, I was eating a Whopper. You bastards, how could you?!
Continue Reading "Jessica Simpson gets apology from FOX/Burger King"
Oct 14 2009Jessica Simpson's weight mocked by FOX NFL
Burger King and FOX essentially teamed up to harpoon, I mean lampoon, Jessica Simpson's weight in a skit that ran on this past weekend's FOX NFL Sunday. You can scope out the video after the jump then decide what you hate more: Horribly written fat jokes or people who blatantly videotape their TV screens and post it on YouTube. Yes, we know, it's a magic box with movin' pictures. Congratulations on your discovery, Ponce de Leon.
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Oct 13 2009Jessica Simpson wants you to respect Daisy's memory
According to her Twitter, Jessica Simpson is apparently receiving a barrage of fake reports claiming her coyote-snatched Malti-poo Daisy is still alive:
People have been contacting my family and friends saying that Daisy has been found. Untrue. People are so cruel..please respect her memory.
I'm sure this has to be frustrating for Jessica considering she'd probably believe me if I called and said I was Daisy - while using my normal voice.
JESSICA: Hello?
ME: Hey, Jessica, it's me Daisy.
JESSICA: But you're dead, and you never talked before.
ME: Then how did I know your name is Jessica?
JESSICA: .... OH MY GOD, DAISY! I missed you so much. Please come home.
ME: I'm trying, but I can't find my way unless you stand out in the yard topless.
JESSICA: I'm going right now! -- Wait a minute. Daddy? Is this you again?
ME: If I say "yes," will you still take your shirt off?
JESSICA: As long as you promise not to ground me.
ME: Done.
Continue Reading "Jessica Simpson wants you to respect Daisy's memory"
Oct 5 2009Ashlee Simpson's Vegas Pool Party
Ashlee Simpson celebrated her 25th birthday at Wet Republic on Saturday with Pete Wentz and Jessica Simpson in tow. Personally, I'm surprised these pics don't include Jessica palming the entire cake into her mouth after spending an entire day with her increasingly thinner little sister who can actually find acting work. That's a depression sandwich smothered in loneliness gravy. Great, now I'm even talking like her.
Scope Out (20) Pics of Ashlee's Birthday After the Jump
