Nov 15 2009Jennifer Aniston still in a bikini
Jennifer Aniston continued her Mexican vacation Friday and I've gotta ask this or else I won't be able to look at myself in the mirror: Why doesn't Jennifer Aniston wear a bikini all the time instead of acting? I'm serious. Unlike her movies, people actually want to look at this and recommend it to others without fear of gunshot wounds to the face. Don't believe me? Imagine you're at work, minding your own business and someone suggests you watch Rumor Has It. If grabbing a muzzleloader isn't your immediate reaction, congratulations, you're one of those cyborgs who doesn't know its a cyborg. Has your love just been a program? Beep boop awww.
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Nov 13 2009Jennifer Aniston in a bikini
Here's Jennifer Aniston relaxing in a bikini yesterday in Mexico, and I know these pics are kind of blurry so just do what I do: Pretend you walked out onto your hotel balcony after taking your contacts out only to spot a sunbathing Jennifer down below. Now imagine a pelican snatching your beach towel away resulting in a roar of applause from the peasants below.
"Senor Grande Junkulo!" they cry for surely you've saved the harvest and ran those bandits out of town. (I'm a detailed fantasizer.)
Oct 25 2009John Mayer is f-cking everyone
Jennifer Aniston is getting John Mayer'd in the groin again, you say? Not so, says Hollyscoop:
John was spotted on a romantic date with actress Rashida Jones Friday night at the Chateau Marmont, Hollyscoop can confirm exclusively.
The couple was having dinner in a secluded area when John "took the guitar from someone who was performing and at the Chateau and performed an impromptu performance for Rashida."
His audience included Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. The crowd "went wild when he performed his new song," an eyewitness tells Hollyscoop exclusively. Mayer got such a great response from fellow diners, he even performed his hit "Your Body is a Wonderland" for Rashida.
Of course, the odds are significantly high this was a forgotten publicity stunt for I Love You, Man that accidentally went off, so let's assume John Mayer tried to French Jason Segel's anus and call it a wash. That work for everyone? Awesome. Moving on...
Sep 16 2009Catherine Zeta-Jones' still got it and other news
- Scarlett Johannson is auctioning off a chance to be within gawking distance of her lady mountains. [PopEater]
- Jennifer Aniston singing for Ellen = the worst lesbian porn I've seen in my life. [Lainey Gossip]
- Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen want to name their unborn son Gabriel. [Just Jared]
- Jesus Luz is still bound by Madonna's sorcery. Seek holy water, son. Holy water! [PopSugar]
- Linda Hogan continues banging that Charley Hill kid but has finally found the decency to make him look like a 38 year old bartender at Applebee's. [Celebslam]
- Shia LaBeouf is a Wall Street broker who plays by his own rules. Except for helmet laws which he apparently obeys at the expense of his badass mystique. [Splash News]
- Burt Reynolds was in rehab for an addiction to awesome. And, okay, pain pills. [Wonderwall]
Continue Reading "Catherine Zeta-Jones' still got it and other news"
Sep 11 2009Jennifer Connelly is nipplely and other news
- Matt Damon and Brad Pitt tell an Italian reporter George Clooney is gay. Nakedness ensues. [PopEater]
- Kate Hudson's lack of breasts has its advantages. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jaleel White has an entourage who feel they're entitled to things besides laughter and a high five from Reginald VelJohnson. [Celebslam]
- John Mayer still thinks it's ironic to dress like it's 1985. [PopSugar]
- Mischa Barton is still blaming her wisdom teeth for a trip to the psych ward. But then again she is crazy. [Celebitchy]
- Audrina Patridge has a stalker. Just in time for her new movie to open. Who could've predicted that besides pretty much everybody? [Wonderwall]
- Penelope Cruz does NOT have a miniature Javier Bardem in her uterus. [ICYDK]
- Jennifer Aniston wants to take time off from acting which is funny because I can't remember the last time I watched a movie with her in it. What was that one where they were always at that coffee shop? [Parade]
Continue Reading "Jennifer Connelly is nipplely and other news"
Aug 24 2009Michael Jackson was homicided and other news
- Michael Jackson's death has been ruled a homicide. Who saw that coming? Besides Dr. Conrad Murray and anyone with TV or Internet access. [PopEater]
- Anna Paquin on a trapeze. Because apparently winning an Oscar at 12 curses you to have a lifelong obsession with amusement parks. I have no fucking clue. [Lainey Gossip]
- Taylor Swift has freakishly long arms. Hmm... I wonder if she could reach the fridge from my bedroom. In case she wants a drink! I was not at all suggesting sandwich making. Unless her arms are near the bread drawer. Just sayin'. [Celebslam]
- Jennifer Aniston won't date "a normal guy." Which is why I'd like to point out I still play with action figures. That doing anything for you? Not counting reaching for the pepper spray. [Wonderwall]
- Chace Crawford as a greaser. Think Shia LaBeouf in Indiana Jones 4, but you don't want to cry in a corner afterward. [Socialite Life]
- Eddie Cibrian's wife is more than happy to hand him over to LeAnn Rimes. [Just Jared]
- Ashlee Simpson continues looking good with the ladies of Melrose Place. [PopSugar]
- Paris Hilton visited a children's hospital in Guatemala because nothing cures sick kids like more infections, but not really. You killed them all, Wonkface. [Splash News]
Aug 14 2009Justin Timberlake is a biker now and other news
- Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in the full New Moon trailer. [PopEater[
- Robert Downey Jr. in track pants carrying a man purse. I have no fucking clue. [Lainey Gossip]
- Audrina Patridge and her wonky breasts get denied a chance on Dancing with the Stars by MTV. [Celebslam]
- Nick Lachey probably masturbates with his tears a lot. [The Blemish]
- Rachel McAdams does The Daily Show. [PopSugar]
- Jennifer Aniston will sing in her next movie. Hopefully as a topless ninja or else that movie's gonna bomb. [Just Jared]
Continue Reading "Justin Timberlake is a biker now and other news"
Aug 4 2009Miranda Kerr's camel toe and other news
- Demi Moore's face is worth every cent. All 8,823,983,438,736 of them. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jennifer Aniston is fine with being alone. Really, it doesn't bother her. I mean, it's not like she brings it up every goddamn interview until the end of time. She's tough. [PopEater]
- Jessica Simpson's new reality show requires $25,000 worth of hair and make-up. Per episode. Who the fuck is her stylist? Peter Jackson? [Celebslam]
- Xavier Samuel is your new Twilight obsession. Ten bucks says he loses a testicle at Starbucks within the week. Who wants in? [Just Jared]
- Ashlee Simpson has never met anyone "stronger" than Jessica. No, really. She once saw Jessica chew through a hubcap after divorcing Nick Lachey. She thought it was a cookie. [ICYDK]
- Britney Spears scored seven VMA nominations thus reminding everyone that MTV is an irrelevant conglomerate of asshats. [PopSugar]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Miranda After the Jump
