Oct 21 2009Britney Spears' family wants to marry her off

With her conservatorship almost over and the tour money no longer rolling on, it only makes sense that Britney Spears' family want to pawn her off to the next loser. Britney's mom talks to Us Weekly about Jason Trawick (above) making the perfect sucker husband:

"Lynne said, 'He's the kind of man you would dream of your daughter marrying. The kids love him, and he's stable,'" a friend tells Us Weekly.
Trawick, 37, stood by Spears, 27, during her darkest moments (she was involuntarily committed twice to a psychiatric hospital in 2008 and lost custody of sons Sean, 4, and Jayden, 3, the year before).
"Most everyone else abandoned her, but Jason refused to be completely cut out of Britney's life," says a source. "He's very protective of her."

That's true, Jason is very protective of Britney, so clearly that means he wants to marry her. I mean, there couldn't possibly be any other motive like, oh I dunno, the fact he's her agent and brings in 10% off every dime she makes. That's just crazy talk. This is romance, says Us Weekly!

Jul 10 2009Britney Spears converting to Judaism?

Britney Spears might be converting to Judaism for her boyfriend/agent Jason Trawick, according to The Sun:

The singer has been spotted wearing a necklace with the Star of David symbol on during her world tour.
She has even recruited a rabbi to help her study the faith.
A source said: "Britney wants to try the religion Jason was brought up with."

Jesus. -- Whoops, bad choice of words. But seriously, haven't these people suffered enough? Adolf Hitler's probably laughing in his grave right now wishing he came up with it first. "Ha, the holocaust. What was I thinking? Hitler, you so crazy."

Thanks to Jon Smith who knows how to poke a hot ass.

Jun 28 2009Britney Spears wearing an engagement ring?

Here's Britney Spears wearing what appears to be an engagement ring while walking around LA Saturday. So someone explain to me how a person who's been declared mentally unsound by the state can get engaged? Isn't that kind of like Jason Trawick walked into the psych ward and picked himself out a bride with promises of cake? Also, how's the wedding night going to work if her dad has to approve every decision?

JASON: *picks up phone* Hello, Jamie? It's Jason. Listen, we're at the honeymoon suite. Would you mind if I had went ahead and had sex with your daughter now?
JAMIE: Aw, geez, sport, I'd love to say "yes," but I gotta wait until Monday morning for a judge to give the okay. Just give her a ball of string, and she'll stay out of your hair.
JASON: I see. Very well then. Thanks, uh, dad?
JAMIE: Whoa, what did I say?
JASON: Not until the check clears.
JAMIE: Good man. You kids have fun!

Scope Out (12) Pics of Britney After the Jump

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Jun 26 2009Britney Spears wears a bra and other Michael Jackson-less news items

- Nick Lachey dumped Vanessa Minillo because she's a gold-digger. Wait. Nick Lachey has money? [Celebslam]

- Anne Hathaway has to look damn fine to C-3PO. [Lainey Gossip]

- Madonna's new Louis Vuitton ad looks just like her. If she was a perfectly porcelain doll who didn't have the sinewy arms of a zombie. [The Blemish]

- Robert Pattinson reveals he wouldn't be anywhere without Twilight. I'm going to assume this was an interview for People Who Just Woke Up From a Coma Weekly. [ICYDK]

- Jon Gosselin took his wedding ring off! Somebody alert CNN I just found their entire weekend's programming. [Just Jared]

- Johnny Depp never watches his own movies once he's done filming. That would explain the 25 minute, awkwardly edited butt sex scene in Public Enemies. I'm joking! It's only 10 minutes. [PopSugar]

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Jun 10 2009Britney Spears officially dating her agent

Britney Spears and her agent Jason Trawick are officially dating, according to People:

Confirming Internet rumors, a source tells PEOPLE that Spears, 27, is romantically involved with her agent, Jason Trawick. "They are totally and definitely dating," the source says. "Her dad loves him. He's the best thing that happened to her."
"They're very sweet together," the source says, adding that Spears "always had a crush" on Trawick, who is also one of her brother Bryan's best friends. "He makes Britney really happy, and he's great with the boys."

Who has front row seats to the Britney Crazyfest and then says to themselves, "I'd have intercourse with that"? Besides any man with a functioning penis, access to grain alcohol and 5-10 minutes to kill.

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