Jul 22 2008James Blunt and Gary Dourdan party on a boat with topless chicks

Here's musician James Blunt and Gary Dourdan (CSI) in Spain doing exactly what I'd be doing if I had cash pouring out my nostrils: Partying on a boat with topless chicks. Of course, I'd take it one step further by installing a torpedo launcher that I'd fire at dolphins, the smug bastards of the sea. Who's the smart one now, fin ass?! Fire one! .... Where's the "boom"? What do you mean I can't load the tube with hand guns and steak knives?

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW unless you run a travel agency that specializes in exciting nipple-loaded destinations. In which case, what's your most affordable package? I've got roughly $5.30 and these magic beans. Okay, they're Raisinets.

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Jul 12 2007James Blunt sold his sister on eBay

James Blunt tells British GQ that his sister couldn't get to Ireland so his solution was to sell her on eBay. He says:

"I came back to the flat where my sister was staying and she was crying because she couldn't get to a funeral in Ireland. The planes were on strike, the ferry was out of season, and there were no trains. I ended up whacking it on eBay: 'Damsel in distress seeks knight in shining armor! Desperate to get to a funeral in southern Ireland, please help!' The bids flooded in and the guy who won had a helicopter. He flew her to the funeral. That was three years ago. This summer they're getting married. That was the stupidest thing I've ever sold on eBay – my sister."

And just to remind you why we hate James Blunt, here are pictures of Petra Nemcova, whom he somehow managed to date. And if that's not enough to make you hate him, he also called your mom a whore and tried to sleep with your sister. True story.

Feb 26 2007Petra Nemcova and James Blunt hate their fans

Last Friday in Los Angeles James Blunt and Petra Nemcova reportedly ran over a guy's foot who was trying to get their autograph. According to witnesses Blunt and Nemcova then drove off without even checking to see if the injured fan was okay (he wasn't, he was rolled away on a gurney).

I'm guessing they didn't bother checking on the guy because they were both too busy trying to figure out why or how they were with the other person. No matter how many times I see Petra Nemcova and James Blunt together I'm never gonna understand it. My brain just can't comprehend why she would choose to be with him. I might as well be looking at a picture of a dog walking a person. Dogs don't walk people! It's crazy!