Nov 3 2009Hugh Grant drunkenly strikes out with model
A shitfaced Hugh Grant reportedly struck out with Project Runway contestant Matar Cohen Saturday night, and despite his well-documented hatred for cameras, he allowed himself to be photographed the entire time presumably in an attempt to land some model-ly poon. Celebslam reports:
"Here's some pics I took of Hugh Grant and Matar Cohen (Israeli model from Project Runway) from Halloween at the Standard Hotel in New York. He was drunk as hell and hitting on her like crazy. He kept taking pictures of her and said he liked the way she looked, but Matar didn't go home with him because he was 'too old' (she's 23)."
How depressed must Hugh Grant be? Back in the day, this was the kind of scenario he probably had nightmares about. "NOOOO! Oh God, Elizabeth, dahling, hold me. I dreamt an entire generation of models had no clue about my bloody star power and wouldn't accept my advances. Could you imagine such a thing? Positively dreadful. Now shall we shag or should I solicit the streetwalker again? Too late, I'm already in the taxi. Hugh Grant waits for no vagina!"
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Jun 10 2009Kanye West can break up with people, too
- Kanye West and Amber Rose are no longer a couple. Gotta admit I like this current fad better than all that Twittering shit. Can all we finally admit, as a society, that that was super gay? [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Hugh Grant kicks a paparazzo in the nuts for helping him find a taxi. Is he still that mad over the hooker blowjob thing? Oh, right, it cost him Elizabeth Hurley. -- He should start shooting them. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jessica Alba is sorry for the whole weird shark thing that makes absolutely no sense. Until you realize her father is Jabberjaw. I KNEW IT! [The Blemish]
- Katie Holmes will perform on So You Think You Can Dance. Remember when she had a career? No, wait, don't. Tom Cruise will hear you. [Just Jared]
- Victoria Beckham's nipple. If I have to type more, I've seriously misread my audience. [Celebslam]
- Shia LaBeouf has seen some fucked up parents which explains why he doesn't try to have sex with Megan Fox 24/7. Ha, I thought it was a brain tumor. [PopSugar]
Feb 13 2009Drew Barrymore & Hugh Grant? Why not?
Because both of these two would probably have sex with a ham sandwich, Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore are getting friendly, according to Page Six:
According to spies, Barrymore got very excited when the Brit walked into the Waverly Inn. "She squealed and jumped in his arms," a spy said. The two then "made out," but Barrymore showed up to the Beatrice Inn by herself later to hang with Clive Owen.
But it was all good because Drew totally asked Hugh to the Sadie Hawkins dance where Uncle Jesse's band played Beach Boys songs, and they slow danced together. For real.
Apr 26 2007Hugh Grant arrested for bean attack
Hugh Grant was arrested last night after a photographer accused him of attacking him with a container of baked beans. The photographer says Grant kicked him and verbally abused him on Tuesday morning before throwing the beans at him.
The Metropolitan Police don't identify suspects who haven't been charged, but said a 46-year-old man was arrested Wednesday night on suspicion of assault and released on bail. No charges have been filed, police said.
That's not an attack. An attack is getting punched in the throat by some crazy guy wielding nunchucks. No, this guy got free beans. Last I checked, an offering of free beans meant peace. See that expression on Hugh Grant's face? It says: "Here, have some free beans. Let's be friends." They probably held hands afterwards and sang around a camp fire while taking turns farting.
Sep 22 2006Hugh Grant is mean to the paparazzi
Hugh Grant yelled at and slapped a photographer yesterday after he took his picture in London. Photographer Bradley Case says he had just taken the picture when Hugh snapped back:
"You're nothing but a stupid t-. If you don't [bleep] off, I'm gonna cut your b- off." Case says he proceeded to "slap me hard across the face." Case is planning to press assault charges.
I love Mad Libs which is why I've taken the liberty of filling in those expletives with my own personal combination of nouns and verbs. So now without further ado I present for you the unedited Hugh Grant insult-o-matic: "You're nothing but a stupid [tomato]. If you don't [jump] off, I'm gonna cut your [boobies] off." Oh that Hugh. His words, they make no sense!
May 17 2006Kate Moss loves charity
Kate Moss shared a lesbian kiss with British socialite Jemima Khan for a charity donation of $108,000. She was supposed to kiss business tycoon Philip Green after he made the winning bid at a charity auction for the Hoping Foundation For Palestinian Refugee Children, but Green declined to accept the one-minute kiss in front of his wife and handed it over to the person he outbid - Hugh Grant's girlfriend Khan.
This is further proof that Kate Moss is better than Pete Doherty in every possible way. Instead of trying to give people STD's by sticking them with needles or squirting them with blood, Moss just makes out with women. Which, on my list of Top 10 things in the Universe, comes in at numbers 1 through 5, followed closely by evil space ninjas and pizza.
Feb 23 2006Hugh Grant kicks photographer's ass
Yesterday morning, Hugh Grant got into a small fight with a photographer while he was taking a walk in Central Park and ended up hitting him over the head with a manila folder and literally kicking his ass.
The actor, who has a reputation for being cranky when faced with flashbulbs, was checking his phone when the photog approached and started clicking away, an eyewitness tells the paper. Hugh reportedly retaliated by pulling a patented Cameron Diaz move: He started to shoot back with his cameraphone."How do you like it, mate?" he's quoted as asking the lensman, who seemed to like it fine. He kept right on documenting the encounter, which purportedly prompted Grant to call him a feline-inspired epithet and bonk him on the noggin with a manila folder.
"The photographer kept smirking at him," the onlooker tells the paper. "He said, 'I don't know what you're so mad about.'" Grant mentioned the whole "invading my privacy" thing, but the "photographer kept taunting him."
Then, in a move seemingly inspired by one of his countless comedies, the star proceeded to kick the photographer in the butt -- "not hard," says the bystander -- in an attempt to get him to back off.
This is all I ask of my celebrities. Instead of showing up on TV and complaining about the paparazzi, why not get off your lazy bums and actually do something about it. I bet if enough celebrities started stabbing photographers in the throat and karate kicking them in the nuts, the paparazzi would just naturally back off. Unless they enjoy getting stabbed in the neck and kicked in the crotch, in which case celebrities should go with the backup plan: trained bears.
