Oct 11 2009Holly Madison does the Lord's work
Here's Holly Madison as the Official Keg Tapper at Hofbrauhaus in Vegas, and I honestly couldn't think of better pics to post on a Sunday afternoon. This was everything our forefathers wanted when they formed this great nation: Blonde women with plastic tits pouring ale which, fun fact, was the original reasoning behind the 2nd amendment. Seriously, I don't know how retarded you have to be to interpret "the right to bear arms" to mean keeping a fucking arsenal in your shed instead of drunkenly flexing your biceps in hopes of touching a boob. Back me up, Ben Franklin.
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Sep 20 2009Holly Madison will appear pretty much anywhere for cash
Here's Holly Madison making an appearance at The Sugar Factory in Vegas yesterday, and like any sane person, I'm instantly wary of any candy store that uses a Playmate to reel in "customers."
OWNER: So, listen, just use your fake breasts to lure young boys down here to the licorice dungeon, and we'll cut you a check. Simple as that.
HOLLY: No touching old balls?
OWNER: No touching old man balls.
HOLLY: SOLD! Wait, isn't this illegal?
OWNER: Not according to this bag of gum drops.
HOLLY: I'll go wax my jugs.
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Sep 10 2009Kendra Wilkinson's Baby Shower
Former Hugh Hefner prisoner Girl Next Door Bridget Marquardt threw a surprise baby shower for Kendra Wilkinson last night because that's what you do after fondling old man balls together. And this thing had everything! Retardedly huge prego boobs, Holly Madison eating a pickle and, of course, Grandpa Death. Does he want a handjob, or a bowl of prunes? It's anybody's guess.
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Jul 16 2009Holly Madison's 2010 Calendar
Just got a hold of some promo shots of Holly Madison's 2010 calendar that, honestly, I'm only posting because I'm convinced her asscrack has magical powers. Sure, it might be digitally enhanced and crafted by a surgeon in Beverly Hills, but that doesn't mean I can't pretend forest creatures will fly out of it and delicately remove my pants in a meadow. "What's that Bambi's mom? You want to nuzzle my boxers off? But that's not a salt lick..." (Don't judge me.)
Jul 14 2009Holly Madison has a new husband
As part of a new ad campaign, Holly Madison "married" the Travelocity gnome Sunday in Vegas thus forever proving she's into old dudes with cash. Which is why I've lined up ten yard gnomes with dollar bills stapled to their beards in front of my house. Now where's that dart gun?
Thanks to Megan who offered to stick her grandpa out front with a twenty in his hand. Really, you shouldn't have. But get him out there before noon. We're losing daylight, sister.
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Jul 13 2009Holly Madison & Jason Statham?
Jason Statham and Holly Madison hit it off Saturday night at the UFC fight where Holly was an honorary ring girl. Being the gentleman that he is, Jason introduced himself then went and watched her strip naked per the customary laws of chivalry. E! News reports:
A couple hours later, Statham checked out Madison's performance in the 10:30 p.m. showing of striptease-filled Peepshow at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino.
A source reports that the two were "getting to know each other" during the wee hours over drinks at Strip House.
No word on how late they stayed out, but on Sunday at 9 a.m., Madison posted on her Twitter page that she was off to church. "Sleepy. :-)," she wrote.
Ha! Church?! What is it with all these chicks posing for Playboy but going to church? I mean, sure, Mary Magdalene was the original "Girl Next Door," but try equating Hugh Hefner with Jesus to the pope. Dude will stab you with that hat like a hobo in a knife fight.
Jul 6 2009Holly Madison in a bikini
Here's Holly Madison, another bikini-wearing patriot, celebrating our nation's independence in Vegas this weekend, and if only such a magical wonderland existed during our forefather's time. Not only will gambling and prostitution be legal across this great nation, it'd be goddamn mandatory.
TIMMY: But I want to go outside with the other kids.
MOM: Not until you bang your prostitute and lose the mortgage playing craps.
TIMMY: Aw, mom...
DAD: Listen to your mother, son. And don't go getting your wallet stolen again because I'm not buying you a new one, ya hear?
TIMMY: Yes, sir.
*sniff* Oh, to dream.
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May 24 2009Holly Madison & Kendra Wilkinson in bikinis
Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson kicked off the Memorial Day weekend at the Wet Republic pool in Vegas, and to keep that spirit alive, I'll be taking off tomorrow to drunkenly remember those who served so I can post bikini pictures on the Internet. Your death was not in vain, soldier.
Back on Tuesday.
- The Superficial
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